Broken Vase
by TomParisLvr
Summary: Haruhi tried to save two girls from a couple thugs who attacked them in the cave at the beach. This time, one of them discovered she was a girl. This time, no one came to rescue her. What happened next left Haruhi broken like a shattered vase. How will she pick up the pieces? What will the rest of the host club do if and when they find out? - Trigger warning: rape, nothing explicit
1. Chapter 1

**Broken Vase**

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 **Haruhi tried to save two girls from a couple thugs who attacked them in the cave at the beach. This time, one of them discovered she was a girl. This time, there was no one to run for help. No one to come rescue her. What happened next left Haruhi broken like a shattered vase. How will she pick up the pieces? What will the rest of the host club do if and when they find out? - Trigger warning, character is recovering emotionally from being raped, nothing explicit**

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 **Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club or make money off my stories. I just play with the characters for my own amusement.**

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Chapter 1

"Hey, leave them alone!" Haruhi shouted as she threw a bucket of starfish and other small sea creatures at a thug. He and his buddy, who were both obviously drunk, had grabbed a couple of girls who were by themselves in the cat-shaped cave at the private beach they were visiting. Haruhi had seen what happened and intervened. There had been no time to run for help, even had she thought of it. Her only thought was to get those thugs to let the girls go and leave before they hurt anyone.

"You little runt!" the thug with the starfish on him yelled. He brushed them off, then threw the girl he was holding into the arms of the other thug and grabbed Haruhi by the wrists.

"What are you going to do now, loser?!" he screamed into her face. His knee came up and connected hard with the space between her legs. From what she'd heard, Haruhi figured that the blow would have hurt a lot more if she had been a boy, but it sure hurt enough!

"Wait a second," the thug looked at her in surprise and suspicion. He had obviously not felt the body part he had been expecting to feel when his knee connected with her groin. "Are you a girl?"

Haruhi couldn't stop him as he let go of one of her wrists and grabbed her by the crotch. "You are, aren't you! Ha ha!" he laughed with a leer. "This should be fun!"

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Haruhi didn't know how long it lasted, but eventually he let her go. He laughed as he dressed himself and stumbled drunkenly away. Haruhi couldn't move. She couldn't do anything but lay there, curled in a fetal position, crying. She sobbed huge, racking sobs. They would have been screaming sobs if her neck and throat hadn't hurt so badly. Her whole body hurt so badly. Her skin was covered in cuts and abrasions from the cave ground. Her muscles were sore from thrashing against him as hard as she could. She was bruised all over from how he had manhandled her. Her throat was raspy from when he had choked her. Her head pounded from the after-effects of all the blood that had been trapped there during the choke, as brief as it was. Her scalp burned from when he had pulled her hair. And down there? Down there was FIRE! It was sore, bruised, ripped apart FIRE!

She huddled further in on herself and sobbed some more. He had hurt her. He had taken from her. He had smashed through her virginity with cruel glee, and it felt like he had ripped apart her soul. She wasn't a person anymore. She was damaged. She was shredded, torn, broken, shattered. . .

 _Shattered. . ._

 _Like a vase._

Her breath caught as the image formed in her mind, crystal clear. The image of the vase she had knocked over when she first stumbled into the host club. Her memory of that vase's fall played across her mind's eye. She saw the pedestal tumble when she bumped it. She saw the vase detach from that which had held it up. She saw it fly through the air, with her helpless to stop it. She saw when it struck the ground. She saw everything that held the vase together, everything that made it beautiful, everything that gave it worth, shatter into tiny pieces.

It was a perfect metaphor.

Each piece had been jagged and sharp. She had learned that the hard way when she cleaned up the mess and cut her finger against one of the edges. Now she felt as if every edge had dug into her flesh, cutting open not just her finger but every part of her body. That was how she felt on the outside. On the inside, she felt a hollowness. No, not a hollowness. It was nothingness. The vase had been hollow when it was still whole, but that meant it could be filled with the most beautiful flowers. It could still bring joy to those around it. It still had worth and meaning. Once it shattered, there was no hollowness. No space ready to be filled with beauty. Instead, there was nothing.

She thought of her host club friends out there on the beach somewhere. She thought about her father. She thought about her classmates and teachers and neighbors and friends. What would they see when they looked at her now? What would they think if they knew what she was now. How would they act now that she was shattered? Now that she could provide no beauty, no joy, no anything to them. Sure, they wouldn't blame her. Nobody blamed the vase for breaking. But that didn't matter, did it? The host club had made her sweep up the broken pieces of that vase and throw them away. Would her family and friends throw her away as well?

No, they wouldn't throw her away, exactly. They wouldn't exile her from her home and school, and leave her out on the street. But they wouldn't look at her the same, either. They would distance themselves from her. They were all whole and filled with life. They wouldn't want to be around someone who wasn't whole, too. They would be disgusted with her. Maybe they would try to put on a brave face, at least for a while. Try to pretend. But it would be obvious, and it wouldn't last long. They'd find other friends, other vases so to speak. She was shattered.

The image of the vase falling and striking the ground played in her mind over and over again as she sobbed.

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After a while she pulled herself together enough to open her eyes and take stock of herself. God, she was a mess. She was covered in dirt and grime and. . . bodily fluid from her attacker. White fluid. She knew what it was but her mind shied away from the name. She was on her period, which meant she was also covered in blood. She remembered hoping that the attacker would stop when he realized it was her time of the month, but it didn't faze him. Maybe he was just too drunk, or just too high on his power over her. Maybe blood didn't bother him at all. Whatever the reason, it didn't matter. Blood covered her lower half. As she looked at herself, she realized there was blood on her upper half, too. He had gotten blood on his hands and there were bloody handprints all over her. She was nauseated by the sight. There was also blood on the ground. Oh god, how was she going to clean all this up?

As she thought of this, she realized that anyone could walk into the cave at any time. They could come and see her like this. A jolt of fear ran through her. She couldn't let anyone find her like this.

 _A shattered vase._

The image played through her mind again as she frantically looked around for her clothing. She couldn't let anyone find her like this! Not the host club, not the guests, not the Ohtori private security force, nobody!

 _'Wait, the guests!'_ she thought. What had happened to those two girls she had tried to rescue? What happened to the thug who held them? Haruhi had no clue. Her attacker hadn't paid any attention to them once he started on her. She remembered hearing the girls scream and the other thug laugh, but she hadn't been able to look at them and their voices disappeared quickly.

Haruhi berated herself. Here she was focusing on herself when those girls might be hurt. Haruhi tried to spring to her feet but the pain in her body intensified at the movement. Her muscles screamed at her when she tried to move. It took a huge effort, but she managed to get herself to her hands and knees. She didn't know what she could do to help those girls in her condition, especially if either thug was around. Her head was still pounding and she couldn't think straight. She looked up to see her shorts nearby. She picked them up and realized her hands were bloody. Was that blood from her abrasions of from her period? Probably both. A thought struck her. It could also be from her broken virginity. A screaming sob hit her before she could stop it. Well, it would have been a screaming sob if her voice worked properly. She raised one hand to her neck and felt the bruises. Closing her eyes, she was racked with sobs again.

It was several minutes before she was able to control herself. When she opened her eyes, she saw that she had gotten some blood from her hands onto her shorts. She realized they'd be completely covered in blood if she tried to put them on again. She looked down at herself and saw the white stickiness on her skin. She closed her eyes and tried not to vomit. Having her attacker's white bodily fluid on her made her sick. She wished she had a towel or something to clean it off. Maybe there was something around here she could use. Looking around, she saw her shirt and bra a little ways off and crawled over to them. Her shirt was intact but her bra wasn't. The clasps were ripped off, making the garment unwearable. It wouldn't make a very good towel, especially since it was covered in dirt, but it was better than nothing. She wiped as much of the white stuff off herself as possible, then threw the bra with the offending liquid as far away from her as she could. She looked down at herself. The improvised towel had barely made a dent in the mess on her. She knew she'd get her shirt filthy - well, filthier, it was already covered in grime from the cave floor - if she put it on. She needed water to clean herself. She swallowed and felt how dry her throat was. She needed water to drink, too. She looked out of the mouth of the cat-shaped cave and saw the ocean. Saltwater wasn't fit to drink and wouldn't exactly get her clean, but it would probably serve well enough to get the blood and other fluids off her. The cave was on cliffs overlooking the sea. Haruhi wondered if she could jump from the cave into the water, or if the fall was too great and the rocks at the bottom too sharp. She decided to find her underwear before she went to look.

Before she could begin searching, however, she heard Mori's voice calling her name. It sounded like he was running towards her. She heard another pair of running footsteps as well, but they stopped nearby and she heard Tamaki's voice calling her name. It sounded as if the two hosts were searching the area for her. Other running footsteps and other voices - these belonging to Kaoru, Hikaru, and Hunny - joined the others.

 _A shattered vase._

They couldn't find her here! They couldn't find her like this! Haruhi didn't think. She held on to her clothes for dear life and moved as fast as she could towards the cliff. When she got there, she didn't pause to look. If she was a shattered vase already, it didn't matter if she broke herself further. It didn't matter if she died. These weren't rational thoughts. They weren't even conscious thoughts. They were just an overwhelming need to not be seen.

She jumped.

The water hit her and she went down several feet before her momentum stopped. She swam back to the surface, gasping for air when her head broke water. The salty water in her nose and mouth burned, but she was just relieved that she still held on to her shorts and shirt. Looking up, she didn't see anyone on the cliff, but from the voices she heard, she knew the others had heard the splash and were coming. She swam to the cliff wall and managed to find a piece of rock to hold on to that wasn't visible from the cliff top above. From what she could see of herself the swim had washed off most of the bodily fluids and some of the grime, and she dressed as quickly as she could in the water.

Her shirt was barely settled when she heard two more splashes as Mori and Tamaki dived into the water. She had barely enough time to put her shorts on before they came up to the surface and saw her. Tamaki reached her first and, grabbing a rock to steady himself as she had, pulled her into an embrace.

"Haruhi! Oh Haruhi!" he repeated over and over in relief.

"We've found her! She's alright!" Mori shouted up to the cliff top. Haruhi didn't look. She just buried her head into Tamaki's wet shoulder and concentrated on not sobbing again.

 _A broken vase._

 _'NO!'_ she mentally yelled at yourself. She forcefully pushed the image of the vase out of her head and concentrated on her breathing. If she let the image stay, she was going to cry again, and she couldn't allow that. Not in front of Tamaki and Mori. Not in front of anyone. Breathe in, breathe out. Tamaki was holding her head to his shoulder in one hand and talking to her, but she didn't hear him. She concentrated solely on her breaths. Mori swam up next to her, said something she also didn't hear, and pulled her to him. She kept her eyes open but unfocused as he maneuvered her into a position where he could swim her to shore. She vaguely wondered if he'd had lifeguard training. It was highly likely. Breathe in, breathe out.

Next thing she knew, they had reached dry land and she was being carried in Mori's arms. She let herself lay limp as he carried her across the beach. Tamaki walked beside them, his face a thunderhead. Haruhi wondered why he was upset, but didn't have the energy to ask.

After a while the other hosts ran to them, all talking at once. "I'm fine," she told them in her raspy voice. "I just need some water."

Hunny drew a water bottle out of the lunch tote he carried and handed it to her. Her friends continued voicing their concern over her, but she ignored them as she drank gratefully. When her throat was functional again, she handed the now-empty bottle back to Hunny and resumed assuring everyone she was fine. They obviously didn't believe her, and she realized they wouldn't when she was being carried like a child. She really, really didn't want to walk on her own, especially with her lower region still on fire, but she steeled herself and asked Mori to put her down. He was reluctant, but at her insistence he very carefully set her on her feet. Immediately, Haruhi realized her mistake. Her legs wobbled and gave out on her. If Mori hadn't been holding her, she would have fallen. In a second she was back in his arms, and everyone was clamoring worse than before.

Tamaki's temper finally broke and his voice rose above all the others. "What were you thinking?" he demanded, putting his hands on her shoulders. "You know, you're not like Hunny. You're not a martial arts master. What were you thinking, going after them by yourself? You against two guys? You should have come to us for help! Don't forget, you're a girl!"

The onslaught shocked Haruhi. He was right. She was only a girl. A weak little girl! The fire between her legs proved that if nothing else did. She should have run for help! She was incredibly stupid! She had put herself into this situation. No one blamed a vase for falling. What happened to it wasn't it's fault. But she wasn't like a vase, not in this respect anyway. What had happened to her WAS her fault! Tamaki blamed her. They all blamed her. They were right to blame her!

All this went through her mind in a second, and her will to hold back her tears crumbled. She buried her head in Mori's chest, unable to face Tamaki or the others. She sobbed. She grabbed Mori's shirt and clung to him like a child, and she sobbed. Tamaki immediately started apologizing and the others swarmed over her, telling her not to cry, that it was all right now. Kyoya, the only one who hadn't said anything so far, Haruhi dimly realized, calmed everyone down and said they should get her to a doctor.

That shut Haruhi up immediately as her chest tightened in terror.

 _A broken vase._

They couldn't take her to a doctor. Then everyone would find out what happened. Right now they only knew that she had been hurt, but she could probably pass it all off as getting hurt falling on rocks or something. At the least she might convince them that the thug had only beaten her up, thinking she was a boy. Anything but the truth! If she went to a doctor, though, they'd do a full exam and discover the full extent of her injuries. They'd find out that she was now shattered and worthless. Sure, doctors were supposed to maintain confidentiality, but they were all part of the Ohtori medical system. Would they really keep secrets from a member of the Ohtori family if he pressed them? Even if they did, Kyoya had a way of finding things out if he tried, and in this she was sure he would try. There was no way he wouldn't learn everything. He might or might not pass that information on to the rest of them, but even if he was the only one who knew, it was still too much.

Again, these thoughts all passed through her mind in the blink of an eye. They weren't even fully formed thoughts, just knowledge she had deep in her bones. Immediately after Kyoya spoke, Haruhi screamed, "No doctors! No doctors! I won't go to a doctor!"

Everyone looked shocked. Then they all, with the exception of Kyoya, started clamoring again. They insisted on taking her to a doctor, and Haruhi insisted, getting more and more desperate, that they not. She buried her face in Mori's shirt again and cried, whispering over and over again, "No doctors."

"No doctors," Mori said in a firm voice. Haruhi looked up at him with wide eyes, surprised and grateful for his support. He looked down at her with an unfathomable expression, then bent to kiss her forehead.

"I agree," Kyoya said into the silence that followed. Haruhi leaned her head against Mori's chest, letting out a relieved breath. She closed her eyes and listened as Kyoya Ohtori, a member of one of the world's most prominent families of doctors and medical management CEO's, continued in an authoritative voice, "She's gone through a huge trial. Forcing her to go to a doctor or do anything she doesn't want to do right now would only harm her further. What she needs now is rest. In the morning when her head is clear, we can revisit the idea of getting her medical care. For now, we need to go back to my mansion. The car is waiting."

 _'Thank you, Kyoya, thank you!'_ Haruhi repeated over and over in her head. She tried to say the words out loud but they wouldn't come. Instead, she just held on to Mori, crying quietly.

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 **Author's note: I'm always looking to improve as a writer, so reviews and constructive criticism are encouraged.**


	2. Chapter 2

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Haruhi looked at the luxury van and fervently wished that she could ride in a separate car alone. She didn't want to be surrounded by a whole group of people right now, even though they were her friends. Unfortunately, she knew she couldn't ask for a separate car, so she firmed herself up. When Mori set her on her feet, she forced her legs to keep her upright. Hunny, who was already in the car, gave her a hand and helped her climb in. The first two rows in the passenger compartment had two captain-style chairs each. They swiveled so they could face any direction, making conversation easier. The third row was a bench seat that could hold three people. Haruhi sat in the middle of the bench seat with Hunny and Mori on either side.

Thunder rumbled in the distance and it started to rain. The thunder was still quiet and far away, but combined with everything else it made Haruhi's hands shake so badly that she needed Hunny's help to buckle the seatbelt. That was embarrassing, needing his help for something so trivial. She wanted to hide. She wanted to be alone. She wished she was home in bed, under the covers, with no one watching her.

But right now she wasn't in bed and she certainly wasn't alone. There was nothing she could do about it, though, so she had to find a way to deal with her current situation. She looked at the lunch tote at Hunny's feet where she had packed some sedatives just in case. Normally she didn't like taking sedatives, but she hadn't wanted to freak out in front of her friends and the guests if the thunder storm broke sooner than the weather report had predicted. Grateful for her foresight, she pointed to the tote and said, "Hunny, would you hand me the bottle in that side pocket and another bottle of water?"

Hunny pulled out the pill bottle, saw what it was, and looked at her sideways. "Um, Haru-" he started, but another clap of thunder rumbled in the distance and Haruhi's whole body flinched as if it had been right in front of her. "Here," Hunny said, handing her a pill and the bottled water. Instead of putting the pill bottle back into the tote, he slipped it into his pocket. _'He probably thinks I'm going to take all of them at once and kill myself,'_ Haruhi thought as she took the sedatives. At the moment it sounded like a wonderful idea. That would make the pain and shame she felt stop. She quashed down the thought. She couldn't do that to her father after he already lost her mother.

She needed to think of something else, and the first thought that came to her mind was of the two girls she had tried to rescue. "What happened to Ushio and Maora? Are they ok?"

Kyoya, who was sitting in the front row, looked to make sure the barrier between the driver and passenger compartments was up, then swiveled his seat around to face everyone. "Miss Hanajima and Miss Uotami are fine. It appears that their attacker tried to drag them away, but they ended up on unsteady ground and it crumbled under their combined weight. All three of them were knocked unconscious by the fall. The girls woke up with mild concussions and some bumps and bruises, and Miss Uotami has a sprained ankle. Fortunately, their injuries were not more severe and they were able to come to us for help. Because of their concussions, they couldn't really remember what had happened, but they told us where they had woken up and we were able to find you because of that. They are on their way to the hospital now, but I believe they will shortly be able to return to the hotel with the other guests.

"As for the attacker, he had fallen all the way down to the water level. He was lucky to avoid landing on the sharp rocks, and received only bumps and bruises from the fall." Kyoya looked at the twins. "He didn't wake until Hikaru and Kaoru found him."

The twins shared identical vicious smiles. "He has a lot more than just bumps and bruises now," said Hikaru.

"He would have even more if you hadn't stopped us, Kyoya," said Kaoru accusingly.

Kyoya shook his head. "If I hadn't stopped you, you'd likely have killed him, and murder is very difficult to cover up. I had enough to do convincing the guests to return to the hotel and not to go off looking for Haruhi. Then I had to find you and call my officers to arrest the alleged attacker," he said. He turned his attention to Haruhi. "The officers were spread out looking for you, Haruhi."

Haruhi cringed, and this time not because of the thunder. She had certainly caused a lot of bother for everyone. "I'm sorry," she said meekly.

"Yes," Kyoya said. "All this trouble could have been avoided if you had come to us for help as Tamaki said. Even so, I received a call from Miss Uotami right before we got to the van. She wanted to thank you for coming to her and Miss Hanajima's aid. You diverted the first attacker's attention away from the two young ladies, leaving the second attacker to try to take them both. If he had only taken one, their combined weight may not have been enough to make the ground under them crumble and knock him unconscious." Kyoya stopped and looked at her with, could it be, a touch of respect. "As foolish as your actions were, Haruhi, the situation would have been a lot worse for those young ladies if you had not intervened at all."

Everyone looked at her open-mouthed and Haruhi blushed. "Th- thank you," she said humbly. Despite what happened to her, the fact remained that she had saved those girls. She started to feel a glow inside.

"Wow, Haruhi. You're a hero!" cried Hikaru.

"A real knight in shining armor!" agreed Kaoru. They looked like they wanted to jump out of their chairs and glomp all over her despite the close quarters.

"I don't care!" burst out Tamaki. He wasn't yelling like before, instead his voice held quiet anger and his hands were shaking in fists. "You still shouldn't have done it. You're more important than those girls. What if those men had realized you were a girl, too! What would they have done to you then, huh? Some knight in shining armor you'd be then!"

The others immediately came to Haruhi's defense and started yelling at Tamaki, but Haruhi just slumped down and hung her head. Tamaki didn't know. He didn't know that they had, in fact, discovered she was girl, or what her attacker had done. He thought they had just beaten her up for getting in their way. But he was right about her. She was no hero, no knight in shining armor. She was arrogant and stupid and had tried to take them on by herself even though she was no stronger than the other girls. That's why she had suffered. It was all her fault.

 _A broken vase._

She started to cry again. She heard the commotion erupt around her. The twins alternated between offering her comforting words and yelling at Tamaki. Tamaki alternated between apologizing to Haruhi and yelling back at the twins. Kyoya, not quite yelling but still loud nonetheless, kept telling them that what was done was done and they should stop arguing or placing blame. Hunny kept trying to get her to take his stuffed bunny to hug. Haruhi put her head in her hands and tried to shut it all out.

Mori, in his usual way, showed his concern with quiet action. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest, stroking her hair. His shirt was wet and covered with sand, but Haruhi did not pull away. His chest was like a strong, solid, protective wall. His large hand stroking her hair nearly covered the whole side of her face, effective sheltering her from the world and soothing her with its gentle movement. The thump-thump of his heart drowned out the sounds of voices and thunder, and his quiet breathing caused his chest to rise and fall in a soft, calming rhythm. The sedatives were kicking in, and she felt like a baby being rocked to sleep. _'All I need now is a burping cloth,'_ she thought dreamily.

Just as she thought it, Mori nudged her gently and put a smooth towel over his shirt where her face had rested. "My shirt is dirty," he explained. She looked up at him and he used the end of the towel to wipe sand and seawater off her face, then dry her tears. The tender ministrations caused her eyes to well up again and she buried her face back in his chest, her tears soaking into the soft clean cloth. With the combination of sedatives, the release of her emotions, and being cared for like a child, she soon found herself on the verge of sleep.

The others had quieted down now, so when the chime of the intercom from the driver's compartment went off, it was loud enough to bring Haruhi back to wakefulness. "Mr. Ohtori," the driver said, "There's been an accident up ahead. Traffic is at a standstill. It will be a while before we reach the mansion."

"Thank you, Tachibana," Kyoya replied, and the intercom clicked off. Haruhi didn't open her eyes or move from her comfortable position. She allowed herself to drift closer to unconsciousness. Kyoya's voice came to hear ears, though, and now that Mori's hand was on her back rather than stroking her hair, it was harder to tune out his words.

He spoke softly, as if believing Haruhi was asleep and not wanting to wake her. "My police force has taken the man we found to a nearby hospital my family owns. They're keeping him under guard until he is well enough to be placed behind bars," he said. "The rest of the police force is looking for the other attacker." Haruhi's eyes flew open. She didn't move her face from Mori's chest. In fact, her whole body had frozen.

"You mean the one who attacked Haru-chan?" asked Hunny.

"Yes, replied Kyoya. "His footprints were found on the trail leaving the cavern, but they disappeared when he reached the beach. The tide had washed them away. He likely reached the road where he had a car parked, or he could have continued on foot. We don't know yet."

Haruhi managed to raise her head and look at Kyoya in horror. "So he's still out there," she breathed, her voice trembling. She started to tremble all over. She hadn't realized until now just how afraid she had been that he would come back for her. That he would hurt her again. Fear and adrenaline coursed through her, overcoming the sedatives. Her heart started to race and her breath quickened.

The others all started clamoring again. They rushed to assure her that she was safe now, that they would protect her, that the thug wouldn't get anywhere near her. Mori tried to draw her to his chest again, but she pulled away and sat up rigidly. "He's still out there," she breathed. She moved as forward in her chair as her seatbelt would allow and looked out car windows as if expecting her attacker to be there. Night had fallen and it was raining hard, so all she saw in the window was a reflection. That scared her, the thought of him being able to see in, to see her, but her unable to see him. Thunder cracked and she let out an involuntary shriek.

The sound had barely left her throat when Tamaki's hands cupped her face. She hadn't noticed him spring out of his chair to kneel in front of her. "Look at me, Haruhi!" he commanded. Her wide, frightened eyes shifted from the window to him. His face was inches from hers, but her eyes still focused out in the distance. "Look at me! Focus on me!" Haruhi blinked her eyes several times and his face became clear. His intense blue eyes captured hers. "You're safe, Haruhi. You're here, and you're safe. No one will hurt you, ok? You're safe." His voice was firm, drilling the words into her. Her adrenaline lowered as his words sank in. "It's alright. Nothing and no one will hurt you," Tamaki continued, his voice getting quieter and more gentle with each word. "You're surrounded by people who care about you, who will protect you." Her body relaxed and her head fell forward. He rested his forehead against hers. "We won't let anything happen to you, ok?"

Haruhi gave a slight nod as her breathing returned to normal. "Ok," she said in a small voice.

Tamaki kissed her forehead and gave a nod to Mori. Mori took Haruhi back into his protective arms as Tamaki returned to his chair.

"I assure you my private police force is the best in the nation," Kyoya said. "They will catch him very soon."

The sound of Kyoya's voice reminded Haruhi that he was there, that all the hosts were there. She had been so focused on her fear and on Tamaki that she forgot she had an audience. _'How humiliating,'_ she thought, burying her face once again in Mori's chest.

"We want to be the ones who catch him," the twins said menacingly.

"And this time we won't let you stop us," Hikaru said to Kyoya. His voice was unyielding.

"This time I won't try," Kyoya replied grimly.

That remark startled Haruhi, but she didn't think about it for long. Now that her panic was gone, the sedative's effects came back with a vengeance, and she fell mercifully into sleep.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

No one spoke. They didn't want to wake Haruhi.

Hunny look out the window and thought abut the day's events. Everything had started out so wonderfully. They had hosted their guests, which was one of Hunny's favorite things to do. They had gathered crab and seashells on the beach. They had played a game to find out what Haruhi's fear was. _'I guess we know now,'_ he thought bitterly. Tamaki and the twins acted silly as always. Kyoya egged them on using Haruhi's middle school pictures. Mori and Hunny joined in the antics. Even Haruhi, who usually only joined in Host Club activities under duress, really seemed to enjoy herself.

It was the perfect day.

All that changed as the sun set. The guests and hosts were ready to call it a day, but they discovered Haruhi and two guests missing. No one could remember seeing the three for a long time. They had just decided to break into groups to start a search party when the two guests came stumbling up to them as fast as they could. It wasn't very fast, though, since one of them had a sprained ankle and was leaning on the other. They looked awful, all grubby and covered in bumps and bruises. Worst of all, they were crying. As the other guests enveloped them in hugs, they tried to explain what happened. They were crying so hard they were almost incomprehensible, and they said they couldn't remember much of what happened because they had hit their heads in a fall. What came through, though, was the fact that Haruhi was in danger.

As that fact permeated the hosts' ears, they all, with the exception of Kyoya who stayed with the guests, started sprinting towards the cat-shaped cave. Hunny's legs were short and the others quickly overtook him. Mori had the longest legs, so Hunny wasn't surprised to see him way ahead. What had surprised Hunny, though, was that Tamaki was running just as fast as Mori. _'He's not usually this fast,'_ Hunny thought, _'but I guess learning the girl he loves is in danger gives him extra speed.'_ Tamaki didn't know he was in love with Haruhi, but Hunny could easily tell. Tamaki's insistence on calling Haruhi his daughter didn't exactly hide that fact.

The two girls said they had woken up near the base of the trail leading up to the cat-shaped cave, so once the hosts arrived there, they started searching. Mori was the least winded of all of them, and started calling Haruhi's name even before he stopped running.

After a minute or two, Tamaki's head came up. "Did you hear that splash?" he asked, then dashed up to the cave, Mori hot on his heels. Hunny followed as fast as he could, cursing his short stature.

"We'll go around!" the twins yelled. They disappeared around a corner as they searched for an access directly to the water.

Hunny reached the edge of the cliff and looked down. He couldn't see his friends, but heard them splashing around in the water below. A minute later Mori appeared and shouted up to him, "We found her! She's alright!"

Hunny sagged against the wall of the cave in relief. He didn't know what he'd do if his friend had been seriously hurt or killed. He turned to go, but as he did his eyes fell on something white and red. Curious, he went over and picked it up. When he discovered made his heart stop. It was a pair of women's underwear, covered in grime and blood. Looking around, he found a bra that had been ripped apart. It was covered in grime and. . . _'Ugh! What is this stuff?'_ he wondered. It came off onto his hands. It was all white and sticky and smelled like. . . "Oh gross!" Hunny said aloud. As the implications hit him, Hunny's heart sank. He felt like he had just seen his pet bunny rabbit die. Hunny looked over the edge of the cliff and saw Mori and Tamaki helping Haruhi swim to shore. He fell to his knees as a mixture of sorrow, sympathy, and rage coursed through him. _'Oh Haruhi,'_ he thought. _'What has that monster done to you?!'_

o-o-o

"A broken vase," Haruhi muttered in her sleep, bringing Hunny's attention back to the present. Her words were quiet, but in the silence everyone could hear her clearly. "Shattered vase." Tears slid down her cheeks. "It's my fault. I should've. . ." Her voice trailed off, and her breathing resumed the deep rhythm of sleep.

The twins looked at her and each other questioningly. "Why is she talking about that stupid vase she broke?" Hikaru asked quietly.

"Does she really feel so guilty about it that she's dreaming about it even after what happened today?" Kaoru asked, equally quiet.

Tamaki looked down, his hair hiding his face. "She thinks what happened today is her fault because of what I said," he told them. "God, I am so stupid!"

Hunny opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. He hugged his stuffed bunny tightly. "I'm sorry, Haruhi," he whispered.

All the way back to the mansion, Hunny debated whether to tell the others. When he first discovered the truth in the cave, he decided it was Haruhi's secret, and she should be the one to decide whether or not she wanted anyone to know. Yet on the beach when he saw her and the state she was in, he changed his mind. She obviously needed medical care, yet was insanely adamant against getting it. That wasn't like her at all. Normally she was very a level-headed and rational person, but on the beach she was out of her mind and refused to listen to reason. It was scary seeing her like that: bruised, battered, and crying in Mori's arms. It was even scarier seeing her have a full-blown panic attack in the car. He wanted so badly to take her to the hospital, to get her cared for by doctors who could make sure she was all right. When Haruhi had fallen asleep from the sedatives, Hunny knew they could take her in right then and she couldn't protest. But they were in Kyoya's car, and Kyoya had supported Haruhi's decision. The only way Hunny might convince him otherwise was to reveal the truth, and he didn't want to do that in front of everyone.

Hunny decided to tell Kyoya when they were alone. He was the most likely person to get Haruhi to go to a doctor. Like Haruhi, Kyoya was calm and rational by nature. He could talk to her on a level most of the others couldn't. If that didn't work, Kyoya would have other ways of getting her to do as he wanted. Hunny knew that if he could get Kyoya on his side, they could convince Haruhi to see a doctor.

Hunny looked at the lunch tote at his feet. He had put the undergarments he found in a large plastic baggy in the center compartment, and made sure no one else had a chance to accidentally see them. Crammed together as they were, the bodily fluids from one garment ended up staining both, but Hunny supposed it didn't matter. They were evidence that could help put the attacker behind bars. More immediately, they were evidence that might convince Kyoya that Haruhi needed medical care whether she wanted it or not.

He'd wait until he could get Kyoya away from other listening ears.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

 **Author's note: Thanks for reading! I've got several chapters written so you won't have to wait long for updates. I'm always looking to improve as a writer, so reviews and constructive criticism are welcome.**


	3. Chapter 3

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Mori carried Haruhi inside the mansion, followed by the other hosts. "I'll stay with her until she wakes up," he said, heading towards her room.

Hunny stopped him. "Takashi, both of you are wet and dirty. It won't be healthy for Haruhi if you stay that way all night," he said. "Not healthy for you, either," he added with concern for his cousin in his eyes. "You should get cleaned up and change into dry clothes."

"There are large towels and blankets in the closet in her room. You can wrap her in those until she wakes up," Kyoya said.

"Here," the twins said, walking up to Mori with their arms outstretched. "We can take her."

"We're already dry from our swim earlier," Hikaru said when Mori made no move to give up the girl.

"We can take care of her while you get cleaned up, then you can have her back and we'll clean up," Kaoru finished.

Tamaki shouldered in past the twins and made to take Haruhi. "No. She's my daughter. I'll take her," he said, quietly but firmly.

Hunny put a hand on his arm. "Tamaki, you're just as wet and dirty as Mori. You need to get cleaned up, too," Hunny told him. Tamaki looked between Haruhi and Honey, debating.

Mori didn't give Tamaki a chance to decide. "I'll put her on her bed," he told the twins. "You two can take over from there." He set off down the hall with the twins following behind. Tamaki stared after them. He looked lost and helpless.

"Go get cleaned up, Tamaki," Kyoya told him. "I'll go have the chef prepare dinner so it's ready when you're done. We'll all feel better when we've cleaned up and eaten."

"Better," Tamaki said softly, his head down and his hair covering his eyes. "Nothing can make me feel better when she's hurt like this."

"Go clean up, now," Kyoya insisted forcefully, giving Tamaki a push. "You're no good to her like this."

Tamaki's shoulders slumped, but he left.

Kyoya watched Tamaki walk down the hall for a minute, then pulled out his phone. "I need to call Ranka," he said to himself. Kyoya had instructed the medical personnel caring for the two injured girls to contact their parents, but Ranka deserved to hear about today's events from Kyoya himself. He sighed. _'And if he insists on coming over tonight,'_ he thought, _'I've got to arrange a car for him. I don't think he'll be in any shape to drive if he's distraught over his daughter.'_ Deciding to talk to the chef before making the phone call, he turned to go to the kitchen.

His thoughts were interrupted when Hunny called his name. Kyoya stopped and turned around. He'd forgotten Hunny was there. That surprised him. Even when he was writing in his notebook or staring at a computer screen, he was never this oblivious to his surroundings.

"I think we really need to take Haruhi to a doctor," Hunny said. I know she doesn't want to go, but. . ." He trailed of as Kyoya shook his head.

"I'm afraid we can't force her," Kyoya said. "Her life isn't at risk and she's no danger to herself or others. The only one who can go against her wishes in this is her father."

"But Kyoya, I discovered something I think you should see," Hunny said, pulling a large, stuffed plastic baggy out of the lunch tote he carried. "Haruhi wasn't just beaten up by a guy who thought she was a boy," Hunny said, handing the baggy to Kyoya. He then pulled out a plastic fork and gave that to Kyoya as well. "Don't use your hands," he instructed.

Kyoya obediently used the utensil to pull out the first item without touching it. It turned out to be a bra covered in dirt, blood, and semen. He looked into the bag and saw a pair of panties, likewise sullied. Kyoya was confused for a minute, then as he realized whose garments he was holding, his face paled. Then it went red with anger. He understood the implications. He didn't want to hear the words said out loud, but Hunny said them anyway. "I think she was raped."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

Back in Haruhi's room, Mori looked down at the sleeping young woman in his arms and reluctantly laid her down on the bed. He could hear the rain outside, and thought it very appropriate for the gloom and sadness of this day. He turned and walked to the door, but just as he reached the threshold a loud crash of thunder resonated throughout the mansion. Haruhi woke with a scream and sat bolt upright. She clamped her hands over her ears and shut her eyes tight. She pulled her knees up to her chest and started crying, shaking, and rocking herself back and forth. Mori ran to her, but the twins, who had been bringing towels and blankets to her from the closet, got to her first.

"Hush, hush, we're here," they crooned as they sat on either side of her and held her. Hikaru pulled her head to his neck with one hand and stroked her back with the other. Kaoru had one arm wrapped around her stomach and his other hand smoothed her hair.

Mori picked up a discarded blanket and towel and handed them to the twins. They wrapped the blanket tightly around her and laid the towel on her head so it covered her eyes. They went back to holding her, and Kaoru rubbed the towel against her hair. They both started singing her a lullaby Mori had never heard before. He figured their parents or a nanny had sung it to them when they were little.

Mori could see no way of joining them in comforting Haruhi, so he just stood there and watched for a while. Seeing her like this ripped his soul in two. He was supposed to be the protector of the group, and he'd let down the most vulnerable of them. Haruhi was sweet and cute and small and precious. She was like Hunny in that way. But Hunny wasn't vulnerable like she was. Hunny was a master martial artist who could take down whole platoons if necessary. Haruhi couldn't even defend herself against one man. She was strong of mind and strong of heart, but she wasn't strong physically. Mori had learned from his training that when one of the three was weak, it left the other two more vulnerable. He was seeing an example of it now. Her lack of physical strength had left her to suffer not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. Mori watched her form go limp and her breathing steady as the twins finally lulled her back to sleep. They laid her down on the bed and snuggled up on either side of her. Mori thought that the three of them looked like little kittens all snuggled together in a slumbering pile. Haruhi was the most precious kitten of all.

 _'No,'_ Mori silently corrected himself, shaking his head. _'She's not a kitten. She's an exceptional human being.'_ Yet like a kitten she had unknowingly nestled herself into his heart. He wasn't in love with her or anything, but he did love her as a close friend. When Hunny was lost at the Ohtori jungle retreat, it was Haruhi who had been there for him. Haruhi had known what was going through his mind and had said and done all the right things to comfort and help him. She was very insightful in that way. She was also clever, book smart, and intelligent overall. She had won a scholarship and kept her grades the highest in her class. _'Yet she's completely oblivious to her own safety,'_ he thought. Mori leaned back against the wall, his eyes turned to the floor. _'Or at least she was oblivious. Not now, though. Not after what happened today.'_ Sure, Haruhi had needed to wake up to certain things, but not like this. Takashi Morinozuka, a master martial artist and great protector, should have protected her from this.

Mori turned to go before anyone noticed the tears spilling down his cheeks.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

Tamaki had been on his way to the bath when he heard the thunder and Haruhi's subsequent scream. He ran to her room, but stopped and peeked around the doorway as he saw the twins comforting her. His mind searched for some way to help, but just as he settled on bringing them the blankets and towels, Mori had picked them up and handed them to the twins. Tamaki stayed where he was. On a normal day, if Haruhi had hurt herself he would have rushed in, pushed the twins aside, and made some grand and overly dramatic gesture to comfort her. Today, though, her pain was deeper and more serious than anything he had previously seen in her. He had enough awareness to know that his normal flamboyance would be inappropriate and counterproductive.

His shoulders shook and tears spilled from his eyes. He had no right to be near her anyway, not after he had failed to protect her in the first place. Not after he had caused her more pain. Sure, he had talked her down from her panic attack in the car, but what she said in her sleep about it being her fault had driven home how much damage he had caused when he yelled at her. _'My little girl,'_ he thought. _'She's my little girl. I shouldn't have let this happen to her. And I yelled at her.'_ His guilt and pain intensified. _'What kind of father am I to yell at my little girl after what she went through? What kind of father would place blame? Because of me she thinks this was her fault. She was only trying to help those girls. She shouldn't have rushed in there like that, but she certainly didn't deserve what happened. How can I make her see she didn't deserve what happened? She'd never believe it now. Not after what I said.'_

He slumped down with his back against the wall, out of sight of the bedroom. He put his elbows on his knees and buried his head in his hands. He kept his crying quiet, but his mind was loud with self-incrimination. He barely noticed when Mori left the room. Tamaki stayed there, crying and hating himself, until Hunny came along.

"Tama-chan," Hunny said consolingly, kneeling next to Tamaki and putting a hand on his shoulder. "It's all right, Tama-chan. She'll be all right. Don't cry."

"I hurt her," Tamaki said softly, his red eyes pleading with Hunny to understand. "I yelled at her and hurt her. I can't help her."

"Yes you can, Tama-chan," Hunny assured him. "You can fix what you said. You can say you're sorry. She'll understand. You can eat some cake with her and help her get through this." He smiled, though it looked at little forced.

Tamaki smiled a little, too. "Cake," he mused. "I don't think she'd really like cake. Maybe some fancy tuna."

"That's it! We'll get her some fancy tuna to cheer her up!" Hunny piped with a happy smile. Then his face grew more sober. "Then you can help her get through this. You're really good at helping people get through their problems. You can make her smile again."

"Right!" said Tamaki, taking heart. "It is the job of every host to make women smile." He stood up and struck one of his dramatic poses. Hunny could practically see the sparkles surrounding him. "Nature has granted me the great gift of being able to make every woman smile! All my life, all my years of helping others, has been leading up to this moment! The great challenge of restoring Haruhi's happiness!"

Tamaki knew that if Kyoya or one of the others were there, they would probably say something to deflate him and send him huddling despondently in a corner. Hunny, however, just hugged his stuffed bunny and smiled his cherubic smile. "That's the spirit!" he piped. "Now I'm going to go take a bath." He started down the hall.

"I'll join you!" Tamaki said, catching up to him.

"Sorry, Tama-chan, but I don't like you like that," Hunny teased.

"That's not what I meant!" Tamaki protested waiving his arms in the air. Hunny just laughed.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

Later in the evening, Kyoya sat at the desk in his office, working on his laptop as always. This time he was ordering flowers for the host club's guests. They had been looking forward to the trip and now it was ruined. He knew that flowers wouldn't completely make up for what happened, especially for the two who were attacked, but they went a long way. Kyoya briefly contemplated adding the cost of the flowers to Haruhi's debt since she was the one who tried to fight rather than get help as she should have. He looked out the door of his office, which was across the hall from Haruhi's room. Her door was open and he could see her bed and its three occupants, though from this distance he couldn't make them out as anything more than lumps under a blanket.

 _'No,'_ he thought to himself. _'I won't add to her debt. She's already paid for her mistake. And then some.'_

Kyoya had read the report made by his private police force. It had taken a lot to keep his outward cool when he read it. Not as much as when Hunny had shared his discovery (Kyoya's fists clenched and his jaw tightened at the thought before he regained control of himself), but a lot. He had wanted to smash something. To toss over the table as he had done two years ago when he first lost his temper at Tamaki. He wanted to break every piece of furniture, every window, every computer, every television, and everything else he could find. He wanted to scream and roar as he did it.

Instead, he sat calmly at the desk, ordering flowers.

He glanced up at Tamaki, who was laying back on the couch trying to read a book. The blond had come in earlier, carrying a satchel, and announced that he was going to make Haruhi happy again. Kyoya knew that Tamaki was going to start rhapsodizing about one of his crazy schemes, and he wasn't in the mood to hear it. Kyoya had grabbed a book, ready to throw it at Tamaki's head. _'And if he even mentions the words 'fancy tuna,' I'll beat him to death with it!'_ he had thought.

Tamaki surprised him, though. Instead of dramatically scheming, he sat down on the couch and pulled a bunch of books out of his satchel. "But first, I need to do some research," he said. Then he picked up a book and started reading.

Kyoya kept waiting for Tamaki to suddenly jump up and show him something he discovered in the pages. Something wondrous and amazing that would, when put into action by one of Host King Tamaki's extraordinary schemes, rid Haruhi of all her troubles and make everything happy and shiny and new again.

But it didn't happen.

Tamaki just sat there, quietly reading, as if studying for school rather than trying to find a way to help someone. That was unlike him. _'Maybe he's ill,'_ Kyoya had thought as he started ordering flowers.

Now, though, he saw that Tamaki wasn't reading anymore. He held the book open but was staring off into space.

"What are you reading?" Kyoya asked, interrupting his thoughts.

"Hmm? Oh, it's called _Understanding Your Teenage Daughter For Morons_. It's a commoner's book. I bought it to try to figure out Haruhi," Tamaki said sitting up. "She's not like any of the other girls at school. I understand them; I don't understand her. I think it's because she's a commoner."

"That may be a part of it, but Haruhi is a unique young woman," Kyoya said. "I think she'd be very different from our female classmates even if she had been born to wealth and privilege. Besides, you aren't just trying to romance her like you do the host club guests. She's more than that to you."

Tamaki nodded. "True," he said. "I've never had to help one of our guests go through something traumatic. Did you see her in the car when she found out the attacker was still at large? It was awful!"

Kyoya could still feel the shock and horror of watching her panic like that. "You handled it perfectly," he said. "The rest of us didn't know what to do, but you jumped in and talked her down like a professional." He didn't mention how utterly useless he felt at the time. He was a master manipulator, and could get into the psyches of friends and foes alike to make them do as he wanted without them knowing. This, however, was way beyond him. It was like being an experienced scuba diver, comfortably swimming in familiar waters, then suddenly having a shark come at you with its sharp teeth.

Tamaki gave an embarrassed laugh and shrugged. "Yeah. I saw it on TV the other day. I'm just glad I remembered it." His face turned somber. "I just wish I hadn't yelled at her. Twice. It hurt so bad to watch her cry after I yelled at her on the beach, I thought there was no way I was going to do that again. Then the twins started calling her a hero, and I got so angry!" He stood up and started pacing back and forth in frustration. "Couldn't they see the danger she put herself in? They shouldn't be encouraging her! If she thinks she was a hero, she'll go ahead and do the same thing the next time. Only the next time it might be worse! She might end up permanently injured, or maybe in a coma, or dead!"

Oddly, watching his friend get all worked up made Kyoya's roiling emotions calm down. "True," he said, "though I doubt after today she'll be so reckless again. And the fact remains that she had saved those girls from a worse fate."

"I don't care about those girls!" Tamaki cried. "I mean, yeah, I'm glad they're all right. But Haruhi! She's what's important to me!"

"What's going on?" asked Hunny as he and Mori entered the room. They had been practicing their martial arts stances, though not so vigorously as to work up a sweat since they had already taken their baths.

"Tamaki is venting his anger at Haruhi for putting herself in danger, the twins for calling her a hero for it, and himself for yelling at her," Kyoya explained.

"Oh," said Hunny. He went to talk to Tamaki, but Kyoya didn't pay attention to what was said. His attention was caught by rustling from the next room.

Haruhi had apparently woken up, which woke the twins. They sat up, and one of them said something to her, but she just shook her head and stumbled to the bathroom. The twins then saw Kyoya and walked over to join everyone in the office.

"How is she," Tamaki asked.

"She's still half asleep," said Hikaru as he and his twin sat down on the couch. "I asked her how she was feeling and she just shook her head. I don't think she was awake enough to understand my question."

"She'll probably just go to the bathroom and go back to bed," added Kaoru.

"She did take a heavy sedative in the car," said Hunny, sitting in an armchair. Mori went to stand with his back against the doorframe. He shifted his attention back and forth between the office and Haruhi's room.

"That didn't stop her from freaking out in the car, or later when the lightning and thunder hit," Hikaru pointed out.

Kyoya started typing on his laptop as he usually did when explaining something. "Well, adrenaline and fear can overcome a sedative's effects, at least for a little while," he said. "I think her panic attacks would have been worse without the sedatives in her system. And once the adrenaline was gone, the resulting fatigue amplified the sedatives' effects. I think so long as nothing upsets her, she'll be out of it for a very long time."

Tamaki leaned his back against the window frame and turned to look outside. It was so dark outside that the glass was mostly just a mirror now, but he could still make out a little of the landscape. "It's still raining, but I think the thunder and lightning has stopped. She really doesn't like it at all," he said.

"I have some news," Kyoya said, taking his eyes off his laptop to look at everyone. "I received a report from my police team. Apparently Haruhi's attacker is dead."

Everyone looked at him with open mouths.

"Really?" Hikaru asked.

"What happened?" asked Kaoru.

"He was intoxicated and stumbled into the street, right in front of a passing car. He was killed instantly. That's what caused the traffic jam that delayed us coming back here," Kyoya explained.

"How do they know he was the attacker," asked Hunny.

"There was certain. . . evidence that linked him to the crime," Kyoya said, his eyes conveying to Hunny the significance of this. He doubted anyone else there noticed the pause or his significant expression, or if they did, they didn't understand and wouldn't think about it further. "They also found the man's identification," he continued. "When they showed it to the other alleged perpetrator, he confirmed that it was him."

"He could have been lying," said Tamaki. "They should show his photo to the two girls he attacked. They could identify him."

"Unfortunately, that isn't the case," Kyoya said. "The head trauma the young ladies suffered caused them to lose most of their memories of the incident. They have no recollection of what either attacker looked like. As for the alleged perpetrator, my officers are convinced he was telling the truth. They are very skilled at drawing information from a suspect and detecting deceit. The man killed by that car was the attacker, there is no doubt."

"He got off easy!" the twins said together.

Hikaru punched his fist against his other hand. "I wanted the chance to beat him to death myself!" he growled.

Kaoru also punched his fist against his other hand. "I just wanted to do to him what he did to Haruhi and see how he liked it!" he asserted.

"No you don't," Hunny muttered darkly. Everyone looked at him.

"He's right," said Kyoya quickly, before anyone started asking Hunny questions. "I told you before that murder is very hard to cover up. You may still come under some legal trouble for assaulting the alleged perpetrator you found on the beach. If you actually killed the other man, you might have spent the rest of your lives in prison." The twins blew raspberries and waived that away as if it were nothing, though they didn't say anything further.

Tamaki let out a breath. "At least Haruhi's mind can be at ease. She won't have to worry about him coming after her again."

"The human psyche is a funny thing," countered Kyoya. "Haruhi may know logically that he's dead, but emotionally that may not be enough to stop her fear. It will likely be a long time before she finally feels truly safe."

"But not as long as it would take if he was still alive and out there," insisted Tamaki.

"True," agreed Kyoya.

"And she won't have to face him in a trial or anything," said Hunny. "On cop and lawyer shows that's always traumatic for the victim."

"He wouldn't live to reach trial," the twins said together, again punching their hands with their fists.

"In any case, he's not around to cause trouble any more," Kyoya said, putting an end to the discussion. He didn't want anyone to know how much he agreed with the twins. The more they talked about the attacker, the more he wanted to punch the man's teeth out, and knee him in the balls, and stomp on his nose when he was on the ground, and kick him in the gut, and hold his collar while he punched him and punched him and punched him and. . .

Kyoya had to force himself out of those thoughts and back into reality. His fists were clenched again, he realized, and he was grateful that the others couldn't see them behind the desk. _'Maybe I'm ill, too,'_ he thought. Calmly he looked at Mori and asked, "Did Haruhi go back to bed?"

"No," Mori answered. "She's in the shower. I heard the water turn on."

"Ah," Kyoya said. He turned to the twins, "Now that you two are awake, we can all go down to dinner. The cooks have been keeping it warm for us." He stood up, and everyone else followed suit. "I will have a maid ask if Haruhi would like to join us or if she would rather have a plate brought up to her room."

"You don't need to get a maid. I'll ask Haruhi," said Tamaki as everyone left the office.

"I don't think that's a good idea," said Kyoya, pushing Tamaki along after the others. "She's in the shower right now. I think she would feel uncomfortable knowing that a man was standing right outside her bathroom door."

"But I'm her father!" Tamaki protested. "She wouldn't think I would do anything. . ." Tamaki searched for the right word, "inappropriate!" he finished.

"Come on, Tama-chan!" Hunny said, bouncing up to him with his best little kid smile. He grabbed Tamaki by the hand, "Let a girl talk to a girl while we go have some cake!"

Kyoya could see the slight strain it put on Hunny to try to act like he always did. From the look on Mori's face, he could see it, too. Kyoya doubted the others did, though. Tamaki was too caught up in worrying over Haruhi, and the twins were still just learning how to pay attention to anyone other than themselves. They haven't yet learned how to read such subtle cues.

When they arrived in the dining room, the others sat down at the dining room table, and Kyoya called the servants to bring out the meal and send a maid to Haruhi.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

 _Meanwhile. . ._

Haruhi woke up completely disoriented. The last thing she remembered was falling asleep in the car. As she slowly gained awareness, she realized she was in a bed in Kyoya's mansion with the twins wrapped around her. She gasped and sat up. She was in bed with two boys! Had they...? Slowly she remembered panicking at the thunder and lightning last night and the twins comforting her to sleep. As that memory came back to her, so did the other memories of the previous day. She was still pretty out of it from the sedatives and in a large amount of pain, so moving was difficult, but she scrambled off the bed and away from the twins as fast as she could.

Her movements woke the Hitachiins. One of them (she didn't look to see which) said something to her (she didn't hear what) but she just shook her head and stumbled to the bathroom. She knew they were her friends and was grateful for their help, but found that she really, really didn't want to be around anyone right now.

 _A broken vase._

That's what she was.

She availed herself of the facilities, then slumped down to the bathroom floor and sat with her back against the wall. Drugged as she was, her memories of yesterday seemed like a bad dream. Unfortunately, the feelings and emotions were still there in full force. She was still hollow. No, not hollow. She was nothing.

Haruhi couldn't get the image of the vase she had broken out of her head. She remembered the beauty of it. Each tiny, jagged piece had been exquisitely painted. The blue design on the precious porcelain drew the eye and brightened the heart. Some painter from long ago had obviously used all of their skill in creating it. Yet despite the fact that each piece of the shattered vase was still vivid with the design, it was trash. No one would set an individual small, jagged piece on display, no matter what was on it. The whole of the vase, the grand structure that some expert potter had crafted, was destroyed. The pieces were all trash, and they were mixed with the dirt, hair, and other bits of tiny detritus that accumulated on even the well-kept floors of the elegant academy. Dirt and hair and beautifully painted pieces of porcelain, now equally mixed together and swept into a dustpan. Little pieces of Haruhi, all that was left of what she had made of herself, what her father and mother and friends and others had helped shape her into, now just trash on floor, waiting to be disposed of.

Haruhi sat there, still incredibly tired. She wanted to just lay down on the cool floor and go to sleep. Yet she also wanted to clean herself off. Her mind was filled with the image of the broken vase, but her body was clamoring for her attention, too. She was filthy from the beach and... other things (she wouldn't let herself think of what), but mostly her skin felt sullied by that man's touch. She could still feel his hands and body on her, and it made her want to rip her skin off. She looked around at the bathroom. It was in western style and bigger than her bedroom at home. She had never used a western style shower until she met the host club. Groaning, she pulled herself up off the floor. She still hurt everywhere. It was a struggle to keep herself awake as she started the water and got into the hot shower. She was grateful her brain was still fuzzy, otherwise she knew the memories would overwhelm her. She scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed herself, and the filth on her skin was washed down the drain. The feel of that man's touch faded, too. It wasn't gone completely, but it could at least be pushed in the back of her mind.

Eventually, she turned off the water and gingerly got out of the shower. A part of her wanted to fill up the bathtub and soak her aching muscles in the hot water, but she was too tired. Anyway, the sooner she dried off and got dressed, the sooner she could go back to bed and to blessed oblivion. She toweled herself off, then realized that the only clothes in the bathroom were the disgusting ones she had worn yesterday. She heard movement outside her door and wondered if it was one of the boys. She absolutely did not want to face any of them right now. There was a knock at the door, and instead of the expected male voice, a woman's voice asked, "Miss Fujioka?"

"Y- yes?" asked Haruhi in surprise.

"Master Kyoya and the other guests are having dinner in the dining room. Master Kyoya wanted me to ask if you would like to join them or if you'd rather have a tray brought to your room," the woman said.

 _'Ah,'_ Haruhi thought, _'she's one of the maids.'_ "I'd like to have a tray, but not right now. I'd like to go back to bed," she said.

"Very well, Miss Fujioka. Master Kyoya instructed us to change your blankets and bedsheets. We're doing that right now," the maid informed her.

"Thank you," said Haruhi. "Um, you said all the boys are in the dining room?"

"Yes, Miss Fujioka," the maid confirmed.

Haruhi opened the door a crack and peeked out. She saw the maid in front of her and two other maids making the bed. "My clothes are out there," she said.

"Ah, yes," the maid said. "We found your bag. I will get it for you." She went to get Haruhi's overnight bag and handed it to her. "I will have some food set aside for you. When you wake and would like to eat, simply dial nine on the bedside phone and we'll heat it up and bring it to you. Is there anything else you'd like?"

 _'Dial nine and they'll bring it up? This is just like a fancy hotel,'_ Haruhi thought. She didn't know if she'd ever get used to this sort of thing. "Um," she said, "will you please tell the others that I'm going back to bed and, um, I don't want to be disturbed."

"Certainly, Miss Fujioka," the maid said, then bowed and left.

Haruhi felt an immense relief. She knew that the others would probably want to see her after their meal. They might even crawl into bed with her again. While she appreciated their desire to comfort her, she couldn't stand the thought of facing them. If any of them touched her, she thought she would scream. But now the maid would let them know to leave her alone, and she wouldn't have to deal with any of it.

When she prepared for this trip, she packed an oversized t-shirt she liked to sleep in and a pair of pajama pants, but her father had apparently taken those out and replaced them with a girly nightgown. Normally Haruhi didn't care what she wore to bed, so long as it was comfortable. Now, though, she didn't like the thought of being so exposed, even alone in her room. So she changed into the clean t-shirt and shorts she had packed for tomorrow. She didn't look at herself while she did. She knew that she was covered in scrapes and bruises. She didn't want to see the handprints left in dark marks on her skin.

She peeked out the door and saw that the maids had gone. The bed was made with clean linens and looked incredibly inviting. Haruhi checked to make sure the room was empty, then crawled under the covers and immediately fell asleep.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

 **A/N: as always, thanks for reading! Reviews and constructive criticism are encouraged.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's notes:**

 **1) My knowledge of Japanese honorifics is very limited, so if I use them incorrectly, feel free to correct me on it.**

 **2) I kept the timing of the beach trip to canon, which occurs in episode 8 of both the anime and the manga. Haruhi has been in the Host Club for five or six months (assuming she joined at the beginning of the school year in April and this takes place two episodes before Halloween in the manga, so in August or September - again, correct me if I'm wrong). By this time, she has revealed she can tell the twins apart, no one knows yet that Kyoya talks to Ranka, and none of the hosts have been to Haruhi's house. This takes place one episode after the club's visit to the Ohtori artificial jungle resort.**

 **3) I take the spellings of people's names (Ohtori, Hunny, Kyoya, etc.) from the officially-licensed English manga. Also, the twins call Tamaki 'Milord' in the official manga rather than 'Tono' or 'Boss' or whatever, so that's also what I use. I don't like the name for Hunny's stuffed bunny in the manga (there, it's called Bun-Bun), so I'll stick to calling it Usa-chan.**

 **(added 12/13/18) A reviewer pointed out a factual inaccuracy in the forensic report Kyoya gives in this chapter, so I corrected it. I love helpful reviewers like that!**  
 **While I was making corrections, I decided to fix some things I didn't like when rereading this chapter. It was mostly rephrasing sentences and fixing typos - nothing to change the meaning.**

 **o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

* * *

Chapter 4

Kyoya sat at the desk in the office after dinner, working on his laptop. By this time it was late. The rest of the host club as well as most of the servants had gone to bed. Kyoya was used to late hours, though, and was tired but not sleepy. Besides, he admitted to himself, he wanted to be near Haruhi's door. He and the others had respected her request to leave her alone, but he still wished he could watch over her as she slept. That surprised him. If he didn't know better, he'd swear he had feelings for her. _'Do I know better?'_ he thought. Yes, he did. Of course he did. It was all evolutionary instinct. The sight of a woman in danger or distress brought out his natural primal urges to protect and defend. That was all. Simple evolution.

 _Isn't it?_

He mentally shook his head to dispel the thought and looked out the doorway of the office to the closed door of Haruhi's room across the hall. At the foot of that door lay Tamaki. The young man had taken a place guarding her door after dinner in case she woke and needed someone. Kyoya thought that was a good idea. Tamaki was the best person to be there for her if she had another panic attack. Kyoya himself had praised Tamaki's skill in diffusing her last one. So if she woke up screaming, it should be Tamaki who would rush in. Tamaki who could make her focus on the present. Tamaki who would make her feel safe.

Kyoya banged his fist on the table.

 _'Argh! Why do I keep thinking like this?'_ he yelled in his head. Why was he angry and jealous that Tamaki would do those things for Haruhi and not himself?

Kyoya calmed himself down and looked at his friend. The young host club king had declared that he would stay awake all night in case Haruhi needed him, but had been so tired from the busy day that he had fallen asleep almost as soon as he sat down in front of Haruhi's door. Kyoya found him laying across the doorway and had brought him a blanket and pillow. He didn't envy Tamaki the body aches he would feel in the morning from sleeping on the hard floor.

As he looked at his sleeping friend, a pair of legs came into his view. He looked up to see Hunny peer down at Tamaki, then turn and enter the office. "He's going to stay there all night, isn't he?" he asked Kyoya as he sat down on one of the couches, holding his stuffed bunny.

"For what's left of it," answered Kyoya, looking at his watch. It was almost 1:00 am.

"What about you, Kyoya," asked Hunny. "Are you going to stay awake all night?"

"I don't think so," replied Kyoya. "I'll probably go to bed soon. I was hoping Haruhi's father would call first. I left him a message and was hoping he'd get it by now, but I guess he won't check his messages until after he gets off work. I said he could feel free to call me no matter what time it was, and I'll keep my ringer on loud so it will wake me when he does."

"You left him a message? Did you say what happened to Haru-chan?" asked Hunny.

Kyoya looked at his laptop screen and shook his head. "No, only that she was hurt. I still haven't decided whether to tell him the full truth, or let him think as the others do that she was just beaten up. On the one hand, she might not want him to know, and it is her right to keep her medical status to herself. On the other hand, she is underage and he is her father. It is his right to know everything about her, and he might be able to help her better if he knows the truth." He shut his laptop rather forcefully. "Or it might kill him, which would only hurt Haruhi more." He looked at Hunny. "I've been searching online all about medical ethics and opinions from doctors, psychologists, rape survivors, and their loved ones, and there's no general consensus. I just don't know what to do."

Hunny gaped at him. "But you always know what to do," he said, confused and worried.

"Yes," he said, letting out a frustrated huff. "And Tamaki always knows what grand scheme to pull to help someone and you always eat cake. Yet I saw you throw away your dessert when you thought no one was looking. This whole thing has made a mess out of all of us."

Hunny looked down and squeezed his Usa-chan. "Yeah," he said softly. "And Mori has been crying. He tried to not show it, but I can tell. His forms were all off tonight. It's as if one of his baby animals died. I think Hikaru and Kaoru are the only ones not affected. I mean, it did affect them, but not as much as the rest of us. It didn't make them act differently than they normally would if something bad happened."

They sat in silence for a minute.

"Kyoya," Hunny asked, breaking it. "What was the evidence that showed the man who died was Haruhi's attacker?"

Kyoya thought his emotions had cooled in the hours since he first read the report, but it all came back to him. He could barely get the words out through clenched teeth as he explained, "He had blood all over him. Blood that wasn't his. Especially around his groin. The medical examiner who did the autopsy determined it was menstrual blood. And he had vaginal fluids on his groin and hands, too. The kind of fluids a woman's body produces during sex. I gave them the underwear you found Hunny. _Haruhi's_ underwear. And the blood and bodily fluid on it was a match! He had _Haruhi's_ blood and _Haruhi's_ fluids on him!" Kyoya stood up, unable to sit still as the anger coursed through him. His fists were clenched and his voice got louder as he spoke. "He had semen on himself, too. His disgusting cum! You know what that means, Hunny-senpai? It means _he got off on it!_ He got off on hurting her! He had nail marks and bruises on him consistent with what a woman Haruhi's size would inflict, and his skin was all scratched up from the cave floor. So the medical examiner concluded that he either had rough consensual sex or he raped someone. And you saw Haruhi afterwards, there was _no way_ that what happened was consensual. So that means he _raped_ her, Hunny-senpai. THAT BASTARD RAPED HARUHI!"

"What?!" asked a shocked voice behind him. Tamaki stood there, mouth open and eyes wide. He had the blanket on one shoulder and had obviously just woken up from his position on the floor.

Kyoya's heart sank as he realized his mistake. He turned around to face his friend. "Tamaki-" he began, but was cut off.

"What did you just say?!" Tamaki demanded as he lunged at Kyoya, grabbing him by the shirt with both hands, his face frenzied. "What really happened to Haruhi?!"

"Tama-chan, calm down," Hunny said, pulling Tamaki away from Kyoya. "You'll wake Haru-chan!"

Tamaki looked at the door to Haruhi's room, obviously afraid he had done just that. He listened for a minute, then turned to the others and repeated in a softer voice, "What happened to Haruhi?"

Kyoya pushed his glasses up on his face. "I didn't mean for you to hear that Tamaki. It's a secret I think Haruhi wouldn't want you or anyone else to know."

"My little girl. . . he raped. . . " Tamaki started to say, then trailed off as he sank to his knees, his eyes welling with tears. He continued, "No wonder she freaked out so much. I mean, I've seen boys beaten up before, and they never freaked out that much. I thought maybe it was because she was a girl. Girls don't get into fights that often. But now I understand. . ." He let his words trail off again as his shoulders started shaking. He slunk down, and would have fallen on his side on the floor if Hunny hadn't quickly knelt next to him and held him upright. The two put their heads on each others' shoulders, letting the tears flow.

Kyoya watched the pair weeping against each other. He felt his eyes glisten as well. He felt sick and sad. Mostly, though, he felt angry. His fists clenched harder. If the attacker had still been alive, he would have beaten him to death. Tamaki said something, and it took a second for Kyoya to register what it was.

"She was a virgin, wasn't she," Tamaki said softly through his tears. "He took her virginity."

Kyoya picked up his laptop and threw it against the wall. It smashed into several pieces.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

Haruhi woke up halfway when she thought she heard someone yell her name. She was lying on the softest bed she had ever been in. She lifted her head a little from the pillow and listened for a minute. When she didn't hear anything more, she figured it was her imagination and, with relief, lay her head back down and started falling back to sleep. Then after a minute she heard a crash. She lifted her head, wondering what it was. A thought struck her and her heart froze. Was it the attacker? Had he come back? Was he trying to get in? Was he going to hurt her again?

She sat up and started screaming. She was so afraid, so terrified. She pulled her knees up to her chest and shrieked with all her might.

There was a thunder of footsteps. Her door slammed open, the light flicked on, and three young men ran in. Two of them jumped on her bed. Kyoya reached her first. He put his hands on the side of her face as Tamaki had done earlier, and commanded, "Haruhi, look at me! Focus on me!"

"He's coming to get me, he's coming to get me!" she told him in a panic.

"No, he's not, Haruhi," Kyoya said firmly, still holding on to her face. "He's dead, ok? He's dead. He was hit by a car and died. He's not going to hurt you. I promise. You're safe, ok, Haruhi? You're safe!"

Haruhi focused on Kyoya, but it took a long time for the words to penetrate. She didn't hear the first part. All she heard was the part about her being safe. "Safe?" she whispered, not quite believing.

"Yes, Haruhi, you're safe. I promise you, you're safe," Kyoya repeated.

Her breathing slowed and her panic subsided. She could still hear her heart pounding in her chest. She put her hands on Kyoya's arms and held on to them as her face fell and she began to cry. Kyoya moved so that he was holding her. Another person moved to hold her from her other side. It took Haruhi a second to realize it was Tamaki. She was torn between wanting them to stay and hold her or wanting to tell them to leave her alone. In the end, she decided it would be too much energy to tell them to go away, so she just buried her head in Kyoya's chest and cried.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

Hunny stood next to the bed, watching the scene with an ache in his chest. He wanted so badly to take Haruhi's pain away. Mori ran in and stopped when he saw what was going on. A few seconds later, the twins ran in as well. The three had obviously been woken up by Haruhi screaming and had come running.

"What's going-" Hikaru started, but Mori stopped him with a hand over his mouth. Hunny reached up and put a hand over Kaoru's mouth before he, too, could say anything. Then he put a finger to his lips and ushered everyone out of the room. Looking back at the three on the bed, Hunny could see Tamaki and Kyoya looking at him gratefully. Haruhi was still sobbing into Kyoya's chest with the two wrapped around her and whispering comforting words. To Hunny's relief, she had apparently not noticed the others.

Hunny softly closed the door to Haruhi's room and followed the others into the office, closing the door there, too.

"What's going on?" Kaoru asked. "Is she having another panic attack?"

Hunny felt a lump forming in his throat so he just nodded.

"Why did you put a hand over our mouths?" asked Hikaru indignantly, looking up at Mori but addressing both him and Hunny.

"Because we didn't want you drawing attention to yourselves," Mori answered. "Haruhi wouldn't want to be watched like a spectacle in a circus. We wanted to make sure she didn't know you saw her. Or that we saw her, either." He yawned. Hunny knew that hearing Haruhi scream had given Mori a burst of adrenaline, but it was gone now that they saw she wasn't in danger. Without it, Mori was just tired, and tiredness made him talkative.

"Oh," said Hikaru with dawning comprehension. From the look on Kaoru's face, Hunny suspected the younger twin had realized that a little sooner. He was more adept at reading other people than Hikaru was.

"So she's ok? I mean, not ok, but physically she's not hurt? No one attacked her again and she didn't hurt herself in an accident or anything," asked Kaoru.

Hunny cleared the lump out of his throat and answered, "No. I think she heard a loud noise that woke her up suddenly and she thought she was being attacked."

Mori said quietly, "She's so small and helpless. She's discovered just how cruel the world really is and her mind is finding it difficult to cope."

Hunny watched Mori closely. Though his voice didn't waver, his eyes glistened with unshed tears. He looked heartbroken, guilty, and frustrated at his inability to help Haruhi. It made Hunny suspect that his cousin knew more than he was told.

Hikaru looked confused. "I know she got beat up, but was it really that traumatic for her? I mean, it was horrible and all, but would it really cause this?" he asked.

"Maybe," Mori said, yawning again. "She's very independent and used to doing things on her own. I think the fact that she was powerless was quite a shock to her. She also had no regard for her own safety. I think she really didn't think she could get hurt. So that was a shock, too."

"I don't know much about trauma. You could be right," said Kaoru. He didn't sound completely convinced, though.

"Hey, why is Kyoya's laptop broken on the floor," asked Hikaru, looking at it in puzzlement.

Hunny debated for a second whether to tell what happened, then sighed and said, "Kyoya threw it against the wall."

The twins gaped at him incredulously. "Are you kidding? Kyoya did that?" they asked together.

"He's very upset about what happened to Haru-chan," Hunny said.

The twins looked at each other. "That doesn't seem like him at all," Hikaru said.

"He never gets _that_ upset," agreed Kaoru. "When he found us beating up the one attacker, he didn't seem fazed at all. He made us get off him and calmly had his police take him."

"Of course, he did seem upset in the car when Haruhi had that panic attack," said Hikaru. "You heard what he said, didn't you? That if we killed her attacker, he wouldn't try to stop us."

Hunny wasn't too surprised that Hikaru had observed this. The older twin couldn't read subtle cues from others, but this was a more obvious one.

"But to go so far as to smash his laptop? That's unheard of!" Kaoru exclaimed. "Milord said that Kyoya had overturned a table in anger one time, but to destroy something so expensive? Something he uses all the time?"

"Why is he so angry over this?" asked Hikaru.

"Maybe he's tired. People act differently when they're tired," suggested Mori, yawning again. The twins didn't notice that he didn't believe his own explanation, and was trying to divert them from the truth, but Hunny did.

"Yeah, like how you talk when you're tired," said the twins together with matching shrugs. That was apparently solid evidence in their eyes, and they accepting Mori's reasoning.

"There's nothing more we can do here," said Hunny, pretending to yawn as well. "We should all go to bed."

The twins nodded and left the office without saying anything further.

Neither Mori nor Hunny followed. "Thank you, Takashi," Hunny said to Mori. "You realized right away that Haruhi didn't want an audience and stopped Hikaru talking. That was quick thinking."

Mori nodded. He looked very tired. Instead of going to bed, though, he stood there for a minute, obviously wanting the say something. Hunny just looked at him, giving him time to work up to asking what Hunny knew he wanted to ask. "Something more happened to Haruhi than just getting beaten up, didn't it?" Mori finally said. It wasn't really a question, but Hunny nodded anyway. "She was raped, wasn't she?" Mori said, again not really asking.

"Yeah," Hunny confirmed sadly. Mori often seemed aloof and stoic, but Hunny knew he was the most observant of them all. Hunny asked, "When did you figure it out?"

"I had an instinct something more was wrong when she jumped in the water rather than letting us find her in the cave. I knew for sure when she refused to see a doctor. She wouldn't have done that if she was just beaten up. It reminded me of the victims on cop-and-lawyer dramas. Some of them get really irrational about seeing doctors, too, since they don't want anyone to find out what happened," Mori explained. Hunny smiled slightly. Neither of them really liked those shows, but their families did, so they had each seen a few episodes.

Kyoya walked into the office with his phone to his ear, glanced at Hunny and Mori, and closed the door behind him. "Yes, Ranka," he said into the phone. "It seems she tried to stop some thugs from harassing some of the girls on the beach and got beat up for it. She refused to go to a doctor, but I think she's more hurt than she let on." There was a pause. Hunny could hear the voice of Haruhi's father on the phone, but couldn't make out what was said. Kyoya continued, "I will send a car for you. That way you can focus completely on Haruhi on the way home and let the driver focus on the road. I will make sure the car has a divider between you and the driver so you can talk to her in privacy." There was another pause while Ranka replied. Kyoya said, "My mansion is closer to you than the vacation home we're at, so I will send a driver from there. He should arrive in about twenty minutes." Another pause. This time Hunny could hear Ranka thanking Kyoya. "You're very welcome. Goodbye," Kyoya said, then hung up.

Hunny and Mori waited while Kyoya called the driver. When he was done, Hunny said, "Kyoya, I think you should tell Haruhi's dad everything. That way he'll be prepared when she panics like she just did."

"I agree. And he can make sure Haruhi gets a pregnancy test and checked for STDs," added Mori.

Kyoya looked him with a raised eyebrow. "Did Hunny tell you or did you figure it out yourself?" he asked.

"I figured it out," Mori said, then yawned again. "How did you two know?" he asked.

"I found her underwear and bra in the cave. They were covered in blood and. . . other bodily fluids," Hunny said, looking away. "I showed them to Kyoya since I thought he was the best person to convince Haruhi to get medical attention."

"I would have found out anyway," Kyoya said. "As I said before, the report I received was quite thorough. There was evidence on the attacker's body of what he had done."

Mori didn't ask what evidence. Hunny was sure Mori didn't want to know.

Mori yawned again, this time making Hunny yawn, too. "So are you going to tell her father what really happened?" he asked Kyoya.

"Yes," Kyoya answered. "As soon as he arrives. It's not something I wanted to tell him over the phone." He yawned as well. "It will take Ranka at least two hours to get here. I'm going to take a nap until then."

"We should go to bed, too," Mori told Hunny.

"Kyo-chan, don't wake us up when Ranka comes, or anyone else, either," Hunny said. "Haru-chan probably won't want to see anybody before she leaves."

"I wasn't planning on it," said Kyoya. "Tamaki is currently asleep in the bed with Haruhi. I'll wake him up before I go to sleep so Ranka doesn't find him in her bed," he said and gave a small smile at the thought. He could imagine Tamaki trying to talk his way out of getting pounded by the girl's angry father. Kyoya's smile faded quickly, though. The situation wasn't funny at all.

The others nodded their heads, and they all left.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

A little over two hours later, Ranka sat in Kyoya's office, stunned. This was one of a father's worst nightmares come to life. He put his head in his hands. "My daughter, raped. . ." he whispered in disbelief. "Oh Kotoko, I'm so sorry. What do I do? Our little girl. . ."

Kyoya sat quietly as Ranka processed the information and prayed to his deceased wife.

Ranka stood up and started pacing the room. He looked at Kyoya. "And you're sure the attacker's dead?" he asked.

"Yes," answered Kyoya. "The medical examiner and lead investigator in the case are certain. The man hit and killed by that car was the man who attacked Haruhi. And his accomplice is in custody."

"Damn bastard, locked up where I can't get to him!" muttered Ranka angrily as he continued to pace. After another minute he looked at Kyoya again. "Who else knows about this?"

"Hunny and Mori figured it out on their own. Tamaki overheard us talking so he knows, too. I'm very sorry about that. The Hitachiin twins still believe that Haruhi was merely beaten up by a man who thought she was a boy. We have no intention of telling them or anyone else. Haruhi is unaware that any of us knows," Kyoya said gently. He knew when to show a good bedside manner, so to speak.

"Raped. God, this will kill her! At least she doesn't know you four know. That would just rub salt in the wound," Ranka muttered, still pacing. He turned to Kyoya. "And I thank you for your discretion. I assume you'll be more circumspect if you talk about this in the future."

"Of course," confirmed Kyoya. "The others will as well. We have no desire to humiliate or harm Haruhi any further."

Ranka stopped, frowning. "Why is there a broken laptop on the floor?" he asked.

Kyoya realized he had forgotten to clean that up. "I was angry about what happened to Haruhi and threw it against the wall," Kyoya answered. Ranka looked at him questioningly. "I care about Haruhi," Kyoya explained. "We all do," he added quickly. "She's our friend."

Ranka nodded. "I'm so grateful she's made such wonderful friends like you. I worried about her going to Ouran, you know. About her fitting in. I thank heaven she stumbled into that music room."

Kyoya nodded, but felt a stab of guilt. _'Such wonderful friends we are,'_ he thought sarcastically. _'Not protecting her, letting her get hurt. If she hadn't walked into that music room, she wouldn't have been here with us. She wouldn't have gotten hurt.'_

Ranka paced. "My poor little girl," he muttered over and over.

Kyoya let Ranka pace for a minute then interrupted him. "I should let you know that she's been having panic attacks. I told her that her attacker is dead but I don't know if she heard me. I fear that even when she finds out, she'll still be afraid."

Ranka looked at the door to Haruhi's room. "Panic attacks? Oh god, my poor baby!" He moved as if to go to her.

Kyoya stopped him by saying, "As I said on the phone, Ranka, Haruhi refused to see a doctor. I think she was afraid that if she did, the truth would come out. I strongly urge you to get her medical attention as soon as possible to make sure there isn't any serious physical damage and she didn't contract any sexually transmitted diseases. She is menstruating, so it's unlikely she's pregnant-"

"Pregnant?! God!" Ranka interrupted.

"It's unlikely," Kyoya repeated, "but it is possible. It will take a few weeks before a test can detect it, and she will hopefully get her period again before it becomes necessary. You should be observant just in case."

"God, pregnant! Please let it not be so!" Ranka said fervently, then resumed his pacing.

"I should also warn you," Kyoya continued, "that if you tell Haruhi that you know the truth, she will wonder how you know, and will find out that I told you. She may even discover that the other three know as well."

Ranka nodded, still pacing. He said, "Yes, I thought of that. I'll have to get her to tell me herself, though I have no idea how. She's always so closed-mouthed about her life." He stopped and closed his eyes. "God, Kotoko, how I wish you were here! She might confide in you!" At that, he seemed to deflate and sat down on the armchair, his head in his hands.

"She took some sedatives early in the evening when we were driving back from the beach. I think they may have worn off by now and she'll wake soon," Kyoya hinted.

Ranka nodded, looking once again at Haruhi's door. "Is there anything else I should know before I see her?" he asked.

Kyoya thought for a minute before answering, "Though I wish she had run to us for help, and I truly regret what happened to her, the fact remains that she is a hero, Ranka. At least in the eyes of those girls. When she saw them being harassed, she intervened. Many would not have." He didn't add that Haruhi probably saved those girls from being raped themselves. Ranka, like Tamaki, would probably not see that as a good trade.

"She's her mother's daughter in that. Kotoko would have intervened, too," Ranka said, smiling sadly. "Though she would have had the sense to run for help," he added, bitterly. "Anything else?"

Kyoya shook his head and stood up. "No, that was all. I will have some breakfast brought to you both, and the driver is waiting whenever you are ready to leave," he said.

Ranka stood as well, thanked Kyoya, and walked out of the office.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

Haruhi woke when a hand stroked her hair. She flinched at the touch and opened her eyes. Her dad was sitting in a chair next to her bed, leaning over so his face was near hers. "Morning, honey," he said.

"Dad," Haruhi said, slowly sitting up. Oh, how she hurt! When she had her panic attacks, the adrenaline kept her from feeling the pain, but it wasn't there to block it now. "Dad, what are you doing here?"

"Kyoya called me. He said you'd been beaten up," he answered.

"So you came all the way out here? It's a two-hour drive," she said groggily but still incredulous.

"Of course I did, you're my baby," Ranka said. "I'm always there to take care of you, especially when you're sick or hurt. You know that."

"You shouldn't," she said. "You already work so hard."

"Don't be silly. That's what parents are for," Ranka chided. Haruhi gave up. They'd had this argument before.

The door was open and they could hear a food trolley coming down the hall. "Do you want breakfast?" asked Ranka.

The only thing Haruhi wanted right then was to lay back in the soft bed, pull the covers over her head, and return to the sweet oblivion of sleep.

 _A broken vase._

She pushed that thought out of her head and nodded in answer to her father's question. He helped her out of bed as a servant brought in the trolley and laid the food out on the small table in the room. They held the chairs out for Haruhi and Ranka, who was still dressed in drag despite having a five-o'clock shadow.

"Is there anything else we can get you?" asked a servant.

"No, thank you," Haruhi and Ranka both replied.

"Then I'll leave you to your meal. Feel free to dial nine on the phone if you need anything, or when you're ready to leave," the servant said, then bowed and left.

"Dial nine on the phone? It's like a fancy hotel," Ranka said as he started to eat.

Haruhi smiled. "That's exactly what I thought," she told him, taking a bite herself. She wasn't really that hungry, but made herself eat anyway.

She became uncomfortable as she noticed her dad staring at her. "What?" she asked.

"You have so many bruises," he said, holding out a hand as if reaching for her. He stopped himself when he saw Haruhi flinch. Instead, he put his hand down and said, "Kyoya said you refused to see a doctor."

Haruhi looked embarrassed, but nodded. "It's only a few bruises. They'll heal on their own," she assured him.

"There could be other injuries you can't detect," Ranka insisted. "A full examination would tell us for sure. It would really ease my mind if you went."

Haruhi didn't meet his eyes. She didn't like it when he worried about her. She said, "Alright, Dad, how about this: we'll give it a week or so. If the bruises haven't faded by then, or if I feel like there's some injuries I can't detect right now, then I'll go. But not before then, ok?"

"Haruhi-" Ranka began.

"Please, Dad!" Haruhi interrupted him, sounding a bit frantic. "I don't need a doctor. I promise. I'll be fine. Please, don't make me go!"

Ranka looked taken aback by her vehemence, then sighed. "It will take a few weeks for some things to show up in an exam anyway," he relented. "Very well. I don't like it, but I'll let you have some time before taking you to the doctor."

Haruhi didn't like the sound of that. He hadn't said " _if_ you need to see a doctor." He said he was taking her, plain and simple. She decided not to push it now. Once he saw she was getting better, he would likely not insist on her going.

"I've heard you've been having panic attacks," Ranka said after a few bites.

Haruhi looked at him warily. "I see Kyoya has a big mouth," she said sourly.

"He's worried about you," Ranka said gently. "And I'm glad he warned me before you started having them at home."

"I guess," Haruhi mumbled. God, she just wanted to crawl back in bed.

"You need to see a therapist," Ranka said.

"Dad, no!" Haruhi said. "I'm not crazy! Yes, I have panic attacks, but they'll go away, too. I promise!"

"Alright, we'll wait a little on that as well. If they remain a problem, though, you will see a therapist," Ranka said firmly. "Either way, I think you should see a psychiatrist right away. They may be able to prescribe you something to stop the attacks."

Haruhi was about to protest on general principle, but thought about it for a second. She really did want the panic attacks to stop. She hated being that scared, and she really didn't want anyone else thinking she was crazy. "Ok, Dad," she acquiesced. He nodded, apparently satisfied.

As they continued eating, Ranka said, "Kyoya told me that the man who attacked you was killed by a car last night."

At the mention of the attacker, Haruhi froze. A stab of fear coursed through her chest and down into her stomach. "H-he was killed?" she asked, tremulously.

"Yes," her dad confirmed. "He was drunk and walked right in front of a passing car. He was killed instantly."

"How do you know it was him?" Haruhi asked, her heart starting to pound.

"Kyoya said there was evidence linking him to the crime. His accomplice also identified him when they showed him the ID they found on the dead man's body. The accomplice is in jail, by the way," Ranka said reassuringly. He was still looking at her with concern. Haruhi hated that.

She took a deep breath and willed her heart to stop racing. It didn't. The fear didn't go away, either. _'He's dead,'_ she told herself. _'He can't hurt me or anyone else again. I'm safe.'_ The fear didn't exactly go away, but it didn't get any worse, either. She managed to keep it under control and maintain what she hoped was a cool façade. She thought about how Tamaki and Kyoya had calmed her previous panic attacks, which made her think of all her friends. "Where are Kyoya and the others?"

"Kyoya went to bed after he talked to me, and the others were already asleep when I got here. Kyoya thought you might like it if they weren't awake when you left," Ranka explained.

"Kyoya is right," Haruhi said gratefully. "Though he still has a big mouth," she added in a mutter.

Ranka gave a small smile at the remark. "We can leave after we eat, if you're ready," he said.

Haruhi looked longingly at the soft, inviting bed, but said, "Yes. I'll get ready after breakfast then we can go before anyone wakes up."

They continued eating, though it didn't do much to fill up the nothingness inside Haruhi. _'A broken vase. That's what I am now,'_ she thought. She just hoped she could keep her father and everyone else from finding that out.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note:**

 **I added an explanation about baths in Japanese households in response to a review. I got all my information about it off the internet, so if I'm wrong, feel free to correct me. I also have no clue if epsom salts are common in Japan given their bathing rituals, but I figure if not, then Haruhi might have learned about them from her rich classmates who travel the world. Also, Kyoya might have gotten some from another country and given it to Ranka to help Haruhi.**

 **o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

* * *

Chapter 5

Haruhi fell asleep in the car on the way home, then only woke up long enough to get out of the car and into her own bed. She slept most of the day away. Her bed wasn't as comfortable as the one at the beach house, but Haruhi still enjoyed the blessed oblivion. She woke up in the late afternoon and saw a psychiatrist that evening. She knew there was no way she could have gotten an appointment so soon under normal circumstances. It had to be Kyoya's doing, getting the psychiatrist to see her the same day after business hours. Normally Haruhi didn't like it when the others wielded their wealth or power for her benefit, but this time she was grateful.

The psychiatrist was sympathetic and helpful, though she asked a bit too many questions to Haruhi's way of thinking. Apparently, all Kyoya had told her was that Haruhi suffered a traumatic experience and was having panic attacks. The psychiatrist wanted more details. Fortunately, seeing how much it hurt Haruhi to explain, she backed off her questions and wrote the prescription. She did, however, stress to Haruhi that drugs could only take her so far, and that what would help her more was talk therapy. She pressured Haruhi into making an appointment with a therapist in her office before she left. It was in two weeks, and Haruhi decided she would cancel it before then.

Haruhi was so grateful there was a week left of break before school started again. She really, really didn't want to face everyone yet. She wanted to sleep for a thousand years, but she knew that wouldn't solve her problems, only delay them. She let herself indulge in blessed oblivion for the rest of the evening and night, but the next morning she forced herself to get up at her usual time. The memories kept coming back and overwhelming her, so she tried to keep herself occupied. It didn't work very well, though. She couldn't concentrate on her homework or reading. Watching TV was out, since even if she could concentrate on that (which she doubted), her father was there in the living room watching her with that look of concern that she hated. To Haruhi's dismay, he had decided to take a couple days off work, and nothing she said would convince him otherwise. So she tried to go grocery shopping or run other errands, but that was a disaster. Even though her father accompanied her, all those strangers around her scared her. She knew it was illogical, but she kept thinking her attacker was going to spring up out of nowhere and hurt her again.

So she stayed in her room and cleaned. She washed the window, and the window sill, getting every speck of dirt out of the corners. She cleaned the door, the walls, and the corners of her room. She pulled every book off her bookshelf, scoured the bookshelf clean, then wiped and dusted every single book before putting it back. She washed her sheets and blankets and took a hand vacuum to her futon mattress. She wiped down every single item in the room, using the strongest cleaning agents she could find that wouldn't damage the objects. Then she tackled the floor. This she went to with a will. She vacuumed the hardwood, then swept it several times. She got down on her hands and knees with a brush and dustpan, getting every single bit dirt, hair, and tiny pieces of trash -real or imagined- off of it. She got a bucket of water mixed with strong bleach, donned a mask and gloves, and scoured the floor with rags and scrubby sponges. All the while, the image of jagged pieces of a shattered vase mixed with dirt and debris on the floor filled her mind. In the end, her whole room was immaculately clean and smelled strongly of pine and bleach.

Yet she still felt dirty.

When she came out of her room to empty out the bucket and put the rags in the laundry, her father looked at her worriedly. She tried not to look at his face.

"Are you done cleaning, honey?" he asked, following her into the restroom where she poured the contents of the bucket down the toilet. "You've been at it for hours."

"Yeah," she muttered, keeping her back to him as she rinsed out the bucket and used a clean rag to dry it off.

"It's almost one in the morning," Ranka pointed out. "You need to eat something and go to bed."

Haruhi paused, looking out the small window high on the wall of the restroom. It was pitch black outside. She hadn't realized it had gotten so late.

"Ok, Dad," she said, finishing her work and putting everything away. She went into the kitchen where she saw her dad had left a pot of stew warming on the stove. She looked over at him and tried to smile. "You cooked," she said. "Thank you."

Ranka tried to smile back, but it was more of a grimace. Haruhi could tell that her act wasn't fooling him. Well, she had never been a good actress. She wasn't a very good liar, either.

Now that her cleaning frenzy was over, the aches and pains that she had ignored came back with a vengeance. She ate her meal slowly and tried to not let her dad see how much pain she was in. This was difficult, since even though he had already eaten, he sat with her at the table and watched her. At least he didn't try to make conversation like he normally would have. Haruhi wasn't up for that.

"Haruhi, you look sore," Ranka said as she finished eating. Haruhi winced. Nope, not a good actress at all. When she just shrugged, Ranka continued, "Why don't you take a bath with some epsom salts. It will help."

Haruhi looked at him in surprise. They didn't have a western-style bathroom like at Kyoya's beach house. In the western style, the shower head was inside the bathtub, and only the inside of the bathtub/shower could get wet, not the whole bathroom. Plus, only one person used the water in the bathtub before draining it, so it was ok - in fact, it was expected - to use soap, shampoo, and other things like epsom salts in the bathtub. In Japanese-style bathrooms like the Fujiokas had, it was different. There were no cabinets, no sink, and no (Haruhi shuddered) toilet in the bathroom. It was an actual _bath_ -room. Haruhi didn't understand how westerners (or her rich friends for that matter) could stand to poop in the same room they got clean in. It seemed really unsanitary to her, and she didn't like it when she had to use western style bathrooms when on trips with the host club. (Though, she had to admit, taking that western-style shower to get rid of her attacker's touch on her somehow made her feel cleaner than a Japanese shower would have.) In Japanese-style bathrooms, the whole room could get wet. The bather got undressed in the little antechamber outside the room. Then she or he went inside the room, sat on a stool next to (not in) the tub, and used the hand-held shower head along with soap and shampoo to get clean. When the bather was clean and all the soap and shampoo had been rinsed off, s/he got in the tub and relaxed in the water. That was the best thing about Japanese baths: the relaxation at the end of a long day. The water wasn't drained after use, and there was a lid on the tub to keep the water hot. Many baths now had an automatic water temperature setting to keep it hot, and even recycled the water for laundry, but Haruhi's apartment was too old and cheap to have that. After the bather left, the next person in the family cleaned her- or him-self off in the shower/stool area, then sat in the same bathwater for relaxation. It was similar to soaking in a hot tub. Only after everyone in the household had used the bathwater was it drained, thus no soap, shampoo, or other things like epsom salts were allowed in the bathtub.

Before Haruhi could protest, her father said, "I already took a bath tonight, sweetie, and I will clean the tub after you use it. I think you should really use those salts to help your muscles and your bruises. I hate seeing you in pain."

Haruhi knew that arguing with him would be futile, and she found she didn't really want to, anyway. Ranka took her dishes away before she could clear them herself, and she went to take her bath. She felt very dirty, but had too many aches and pains to spend hours sitting on the stool cleaning herself as she had her room. Resigned, she only took as much time as she normally did to wash herself (which was way too little to get the filthiness she felt off her), then she added epsom salts to the bath and climbed slowly into the hot water.

The bath was meant to be soothing both physically and mentally, but to Haruhi's dismay, she found it was the opposite. She was sitting quietly now, and completely alone, with no physical work or concerned father to occupy her attention. Now her full attention was focused on her body, specifically on her injuries. She looked down, expecting to see blood, despite the fact that her period was over and her cuts had closed up. She thought the whole bathtub should be filled with blood, so much so that sharks would scent it from their far away waters and come bite her.

She closed her eyes and tried to shove that thought out of her mind. Now that was a metaphor she didn't need. First the broken vase, and now sharks biting her. She certainly felt like she had been bitten by a shark. Her legs and the part between them felt bitten and ripped apart. The fire that had been there had lessened in the day and a half since the attack, but hadn't gone away completely. Maybe she _should_ get medical attention. Maybe *he* had ripped something down there, something more than her maidenhood. She cringed, thinking about her maidenhood. God, she was worthless now, wasn't she. Not that she subscribed to the outdated belief that a woman's worth was tied to her virginity, but she felt worthless anyway. What man would want to touch a woman who had been defiled in that way? It would be like eating an Oreo after some stranger had licked the cream off. _'Don't be ridiculous,'_ she scolded herself. _'It's no different than if I had consensual sex before marriage. Men marry women and women marry men who have had other lovers. That sort of thing doesn't matter in the twenty-first century.'_ She still felt disgusting like a licked Oreo, though.

She got out of the bath and dried herself off, noting idly that her muscles felt a bit better. She glanced at her naked self in the mirror, then quickly looked away. She was still covered in bruises. They looked absolutely brutal. That was another reason she was glad she didn't have to go back to school so soon. Her uniform hid most of her injuries, but not the ones on her neck. Her hair was too short to cover them, and it was too hot for scarves. Everyone at school would see them and might figure out she had been choked. She was just glad *he* hadn't bruised her face. She had a few abrasions on the back of her head from the cave ground, but her face was unmarked. A small mercy.

She changed into her pajamas - still irrationally expecting to see her lower half covered in blood - and left the bathroom. She was stopped on her way to her room by her father, who tried to give her a hug. She fended him off and walked past him to her room.

"I love you, honey," her father said. "No matter what, I will always love you."

"Thanks, Dad. I love you, too," she said, closing the door. She meant it, but knew her voice didn't sound convincing.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

The days dragged by slowly. Haruhi forced herself to do her homework and study. After a few days she was able to leave the house and go grocery shopping with the help of her anti-anxiety meds, but her father wouldn't let her stir two feet outside her door without him. She knew he sometimes followed her to the store on normal days, but at least then he tried to stay where she couldn't see him. Now, he was practically joined to her hip, radiating worry for her. When they returned home, she all but fled to the sanctuary of her room.

The other host club members called and texted her, of course. She never answered their calls, but did respond to their texts. It was easier to hide what you were feeling in a text.

The girls she had saved sent her flowers and expensive gifts. She decided to give the gifts to Kyoya to lower her debt to the Host Club, but she thought it would be in bad taste to do so right away. She would keep them for now. The vases the flowers came in, however, made her sick. They looked to be of the finest expensive crystal, yet all she wanted to do was smash them against the floor, breaking them as she had been broken. She wanted to see them shatter like the image that was constantly in her mind, then slash her wrists on the broken pieces. When her father saw them, he said it was really sweet of the girls to send them. Later, when Haruhi could think clearly, she would agree with him. At that moment, though, she struggled to maintain her composure long enough to walk to her room and close the door. Then she burst into tears and sobbed uncontrollably. She did it as quietly as she could so her father wouldn't hear. _'Great,'_ she thought bitterly. _'Now I can add fear of vases to my fear of thunderstorms.'_ It took a long time for the tears to stop, and while she cried she texted Kyoya to have someone pick the vases up immediately. Tact be damned, she needed them gone! To her relief, they were no longer in the apartment when she came out of her room. Her dad had transferred the flowers to tall glasses instead.

The day before school resumed, Haruhi didn't know whether she was dreading it or looking forward to it. She did know, however, that she was looking forward to her dad being gone when she got home. He would be working longer shifts for the next few nights to make up for the time he'd taken off. Apparently Haruhi had managed to convince him she didn't need watching every second anymore. She also must have convinced him she didn't need a doctor, since he hadn't forced her to go to one. She didn't look as battered now that the bruises and abrasions had mostly healed, and she could move more easily since the pain was gone. Moreover, with her psychiatric medication she hadn't had any more panic attacks, and her emotional outbursts, while not gone, were under control. She was ready to be around people again.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

 **A/N: I'm always trying to improve as a writer, so reviews and constructive criticism are the BEST!**


	6. Chapter 6

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Monday morning at school was surreal for Haruhi. It was surreal precisely because it was so ordinary. Her life had shifted due to the events at the beach. It seemed that the entire world should have shifted as well. Of course it hadn't, though. Everyone else was laughing and talking like normal. Students were discussing their recently concluded vacations or their classes or the latest gossip. Teachers talked with students about upcoming projects and lessons. Other school staff talked about their various duties and plans for the day. The cacophony was at once unsettling and soothing to Haruhi, like a hot bath that was painful when first entered, but became a joy as one settled in and got used to it. Academia was always Haruhi's strong suit and her happy place. She was in her element in a classroom and felt most herself when learning. Her skills and talents were varied, but were at their height when it came to schoolwork.

 _A broken vase._

Dammit! Could she not escape that image even here? She might expect to have that image when she was in music room #3 where the original vase had shattered, but in the rest of the school? In the walkways, halls, and classrooms? There were no bad memories of vases there. The crowds did not bother her. She did not expect to be attacked here - or at least she hadn't until she consciously thought of it, curse it! So why did she see shattered blue vase shards in her mind's eye?

 _Because I'm broken._

Her talents and skills in academics were worthless now. They were like the beautiful designs on the vase, once beautiful and bright and good, but now trash, because she was trash. She was nothing.

Haruhi fought the tears she could feel welling up in her eyes. Dammit, dammit, dammit! She was better than this! She was strong-willed and practical! She had cared for herself and her father for years, even when she was a small child. She worked hard to get good grades in school, and had applied for and won admittance to Ouran and the scholarship without any help from anyone! She spoke her mind when needed and let nothing get in the way of her goal of becoming a lawyer like her mother. She couldn't let herself be laid low by some drunk ruffian. He was nothing. He was the trash, not her! She was still herself, and she would persevere!

Yet the tears still fell to her cheeks.

"Haruhi!" she heard several girls' voices call. Haruhi quickly wiped her eyes on a tissue and put on a smile before turning around. Ushio and Maora, the two girls Haruhi had saved on the beach, and a gaggle of their friends who had also been on the trip came up to her.

"Haruhi, I'm so happy to see you! Did you get our gifts?" asked Ushio, hugging her.

"Um, yes, I did. Thank you, it was very kind of you," replied Haruhi with false cheer.

Maora's hug was more awkward given her crutches, but just as heartfelt. "It was the least we could do!" she said. "You saved our lives!" To Haruhi's horror, she saw tears on Maora's cheeks. They were tears of gratitude, Haruhi knew, but she looked away quickly before the sight of them caused her to start crying as well.

"You sure are a hero, Haruhi!" said another girl, also giving Haruhi a hug.

"Our handsome knight in shining armor!" added another, with another hug.

Haruhi winced inwardly at the repetition of the twins' words and her memory of Tamaki's reaction to them. _'Some knight in shining armor you'd be then!'_ he had yelled at her. No, she hadn't been a knight in shining armor. She had been a knight in porcelain. A knight _made of_ porcelain. Porcelain now shattered.

"Yes, our fine knight, before whom we kneel in awe and esteem," said Tamaki, appearing before Haruhi as if her thoughts had summoned him. Suiting action to words, he went down on one knee, placing his fist over his heart and bowing his head in courtly manner. Hikaru, Kaoru, Mori, Hunny, and even Kyoya followed, all kneeling before Haruhi in a triangle formation behind Tamaki. Haruhi stared at them in slack-jawed amazement. She was used to their dramatic antics, but this was different. There was no trace of the playful silliness that always accompanied such displays. No hint of prank or mockery. Instead, each of the young men genuflected before her, looking as sober and reverential as any knight before a queen.

Tamaki raised his eyes to meet hers and continued, "Our great Knight Haruhi, you have proven yourself to be the most gallant and courageous of our order. It is the purpose of the Host Club to make all princesses feel prized and special. You have gone above and beyond that, placing yourself in danger to save the lives and honor of these two princesses. Your noble heart and chivalrous deeds have earned you our deepest admiration and respect. We pledge ourselves henceforth to be your most humble servants."

"Your humble servants," the others echoed together.

Haruhi looked up and saw they had gathered a crowd of onlookers, and no wonder. It was a striking exhibition, six attractive young men in fine Ouran suits, all on one knee with heads bowed and fists to chests in a ceremony of honor. Most of the girls present, whether guests of the host club or not, sighed at the romance of it all. Haruhi thought this might be a ploy to attract more guests to the club, but when they raised their heads to look at her, she saw only earnestness and sincerity. Not even Kyoya showed the glint in his eyes that he got when one of his schemes got off well, and she could always see it even when he tried to mask it. If Kyoya of all people was not doing this for gain, then it must be real.

Haruhi had no idea how to react, but was spared the need to say or do anything by the hosts all coming to their feet, ending the ceremony. Tamaki gave her a hug and whispered in her ear, "I'm sorry for what I said before. You did nothing wrong, Haruhi. You truly are a hero. I'm thankful to have you as a friend."

If Haruhi had been surprised at the earlier display, she was astounded now. Tamaki called her a friend rather than his daughter! He apologized and had apparently taken a complete 180 degree turn in how he viewed her actions! _'He must be ill,'_ she thought, her mind trying to inject a little levity into the situation. She usually didn't like Tamaki's hugs, since usually they weren't so much hugs as overenthusiastic, rib-cracking, death grips. Yet this time his hug was sweet and comforting. She wanted to hug him tighter and whisper her thanks to him. Unfortunately, the tears she had wiped away earlier had now come back, and she knew if she didn't stop everything now she'd break down completely in front of half the school. So instead she ended the hug, picked up her dropped school bag, and said to everyone, "Come on, class is about to start and I don't want to be late." Then she turned and practically ran into the school, hoping no one noticed as she tried to blink away the tears. The twins caught up to Haruhi quickly and the three of them walked the rest of the way to class together.

A lump was threatening to form in Haruhi's throat, so she cleared it before asking, "Let me guess, that was Tamaki's idea, wasn't it?"

"Yep," the twins said together.

"He wanted to apologize for what he said before," said Hikaru.

"And he's always been one for big gestures," added Kaoru.

"I hadn't noticed," said Haruhi, dryly. Yet for some reason, she suddenly felt buoyant! Now that her embarrassment and the urge to cry had worn off, she found herself laughing. The twins started laughing, too, and each ruffled her hair. That usually annoyed her, but for some reason right now it lifted her spirits even higher. She grinned at the both of them and took her seat at her desk. Today was going to be a better day than she had thought!

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

Hikaru and Kaoru sat down at their desks on either side of Haruhi, smiling and laughing with her until the teacher called everyone to order.

As the teacher started writing on the white board, Hikaru looked over at Haruhi and thought, _'See_ _, she's fine. I wonder what everyone was so worried about.'_ It really had been a strange week. They had all gone to the beach on Sunday when break started, and had fun until those drunk thugs showed up and beat up Haruhi. Poor girl, when they found her she was a mass of cuts and bruises. Hikaru clenched his fists at the memory. He was glad he had gotten to pulverize that one thug, and only wished he could have gotten his hands on the other.

Then Haruhi started having her freak-outs, which totally freaked Hikaru out. What was going on with his friend? Had she gone completely crazy? Was this how all girls acted when they got beat up? Come to think of it, Hikaru had never seen a girl get beat up. Girls didn't get into fights like guys did. He had seen them cry, though. Like when he and Kaoru had toyed with the ones who sent them love letters, but didn't really care which twin liked them back. He also saw girls cry whenever one girl didn't invite another to her birthday party. Yeesh! Who cared about stupid birthday parties? True, Hikaru hadn't cared about anyone but Kaoru until recently, but even he knew that guys didn't start bawling just because another guy didn't invite them to a party. Girls could be such babies sometimes.

He thought Haruhi was different. She didn't cry over stupid stuff. She didn't giggle or swoon or freak out over bugs or anything. She was weird, but in a good way. She was kinda like a guy, but kinda not. She was - what was the word? - intriguing. And that was before she started being able to tell Kaoru and himself apart. Once she did that, well, she was more interesting than ever. She was a person Hikaru really wanted to get to know. Then she had her total freak-outs and Hikaru didn't know what to think. All of a sudden it was like she had morphed into an alien. Why did she get all hysterical about not wanting to see a doctor? He had never seen anyone - guy or girl - get all that worked up about going to the doctor or anywhere else. At least, not anyone his own age. Little kids, maybe, but not someone in high school.

Then she had freaked out in the car. Okay, so he understood that one. Stupid Milord had to go and make her feel bad about being a hero. Hikaru had wanted to sock him for that. Then she found out that the guy who attacked her was still at large. Man, that had really sent her over the edge into crazy land. Hikaru watched in shock, not knowing what to do. Milord had gone to her rescue, though, talking her down, letting her know she was safe. Hikaru stopped wanting to sock him after that. But wow, seeing Haruhi like that. . . well, it really hurt. Hurt like whenever he saw Kaoru hurt. If this was what it meant to have someone else enter his world, he wasn't sure he wanted it. Maybe he didn't want to get to know Haruhi after all.

When Hikaru got out of the van at Kyoya's beach house, he watched Mori carry Haruhi inside. He resolved to close the door to his and Kaoru's world on her and not let her in again.

Then Kaoru got out of the van behind him, saw where he was looking, and said, "Poor Haruhi. I really want to help her."

"I do, too," said Hikaru without thinking. Wait. Hadn't he just decided to shut her out? Yes, he had. He had only said he wanted to help Haruhi because Kaoru said he did. Hikaru would have to convince Kaoru to let the others help her and go back to seeing the world as Us and Everyone Else.

They followed the others inside and saw Hunny tell Mori to put Haruhi in her room and go get cleaned up. Without thought, Hikaru jumped in with arms outstretched, offering to take her. _'Dammit! What am I doing?'_ he thought. But he couldn't stop himself! He had to help her! Kaoru obviously felt the same way he did, since his arms were outstretched, too. Then Milord jumped in to take her. _'Good, I'll let him help her and I'll convince Kaoru we shouldn't get involved with her anymore. She's too much of a mess. We can't deal with other people's emotions. This is way out of our depth!'_ Hikaru thought. Before he knew it, however, Mori was leading Kaoru and himself down the hall to Haruhi's room, so he could transfer her to their care. Hikaru followed, wondering why he felt good that it was he and his other half, rather than Tamaki or anyone else, who would be taking care of Haruhi.

In her room, Haruhi had another freak-out. The storm had woken her up, and she had acted as if the thunder and lightning were atomic bombs or something. Again, without thought, he had jumped to Haruhi's rescue. Well, not really rescue. It wasn't like he was jumping in front of a bullet for her or anything. But he comforted her. It was scary as hell and felt good at the same time. Scary because she was hurting. Scary because she was affecting him so much. Scary because it felt like his friend had turned into an alien creature he didn't understand. Felt good because she was soft and warm in his arms. Felt good because he knew he was there for her and taking her pain away. Felt good because Kaoru was there on her other side doing the same thing. Felt good because she trusted him and let him and his other half lull her back to sleep.

Later that night she'd had yet another freak-out. Geez, what was going on with that girl? He and Kaoru had been fast asleep when they were woken up by her screaming bloody murder. They ran into her room to find her crying into the arms of Kyoya and Milord. No attacker, no evidence of an accident, no blood or anything. Nothing to explain why she was screaming and crying so hard. Was she going to have to go to a looney bin? It had just been a fight, for crying out loud! A one-sided fight, sure, and she'd gotten hurt, but it wasn't like she had been in a war.

She was affecting everyone! Mori and Hunny were grim, Kaoru was upset, and when they went back in the office they saw that Kyoya had actually thrown his laptop against the wall and broken it! Mori explained that it was because Kyoya was tired, which made sense. He had seen the hypotensive demon lord tired and it wasn't something he ever wanted to see again. Still, he wouldn't have been tired if Haruhi hadn't kept freaking out.

Whatever was going on, the trip had been ruined. Hikaru was glad to get home and back to normal. Except, Kaoru wasn't going back to normal. He kept worrying about Haruhi. His calls and texts to her went unanswered that first day. He called and texted the other hosts to see if they heard anything. It drove Hikaru nuts. He just wanted to forget the whole thing. He wanted to go back to spending his vacation the way he always would have with Kaoru and not think about Haruhi until he saw her the next Monday at school. Hopefully, she would be over her freak-outs by then and he'd have his friend back.

Kaoru didn't feel the same way. He started watching cop-and-lawyer dramas. Apparently, Hunny had said something about those dramas and Kaoru thought if he watched them, he'd understand what was going on with Haruhi. That was unlike him. The twins never watched dramas or sitcoms or anything. Other people, whether real or fictional, didn't matter to them, so watching TV shows or movies about their lives was just too boring for both of them. Yet for the whole rest of the day Kaoru sat watching them on their giant TV, ignoring Hikaru's attempts to get him to change it to a horror flick or raunchy comedy or something. Hikaru spent most of the day playing video games by himself and working on fashion designs, hoping that Haruhi would call and tell them everything was ok again.

Fortunately, the next day Haruhi texted them. She said that she was feeling much better and apologized for freaking out. When they asked if she wanted to hang out, she said that her dad was being overprotective right now and wanted to spend every second with her. Hikaru wasn't surprised to hear that. He didn't know her dad, but he knew her fake dad (Milord), and knew that her fake dad would act the exact same way. So everything was right with Haruhi again. Hikaru felt a knot he hadn't even known was in his chest unclench, and became light-hearted as he had at the beach before the whole mess started. Kaoru said he wasn't convinced that Haruhi was alright, but at least he stopped watching those dramas.

The day before school started again, Tamaki had called a meeting of the host club at his house. Hikaru had thought it would be about their next grand activity or cosplay or something, and was looking forward to seeing Haruhi there. He wanted to reassure Kaoru that she was fine. It turned out, however, that Haruhi wasn't there. She hadn't been told about the meeting, since the meeting was about her. All the male hosts, including Kaoru, Hikaru noticed, were worried about their secret princess. Hikaru didn't know why. She had texted them a lot during the week and said she was fine. But now, seeing everyone else's grim faces - especially Kaoru's - the knot in Hikaru's chest returned. Was she really fine, or was she lying?

Tamaki said that they needed to make her feel better, and as always, he had a grand scheme for doing it. They were going to kneel down before her in front of the whole school and declare their allegiance to her as the most valiant knight among them. Then they were going to have a knight-in-shining-armor cosplay and treat her as the hero she was. Hikaru loved Tamaki's crazy schemes so he agreed along with everyone else. Then came the serious part.

Hunny and Mori had apparently done research this past week on what Haruhi had gone through. Hikaru thought that was a bit much. Sure, he'd never seen a girl get beat up before, but there were girls who studied martial arts at the dojos Hunny and Mori went to. Surely they had seen those girls get beat up, or even kicked their butts themselves as part of their training or tournaments. Why did they need to do research on that? Okay, Haruhi wasn't a martial artist and it wasn't like she asked for or expected a fight - and it wasn't really a fight but a beat down - but still! Everyone was making too much of a fuss out of this! She was fine! Wasn't she?

So, Hunny, with noises of agreement from Mori, told them that she had been touched without her permission and would probably not want to be touched by anyone, not even her friends, so they had to avoid glomping on her or dragging her bodily or anything like they normally did. Hikaru thought that punches and kicks were technically touching someone without their permission, but he certainly wouldn't have phrased it like that. He wasn't sure about the whole not-wanting-to-be-touched-by-her-friends thing. She had been fine with them holding her during her freak-outs after all, and she knew they wouldn't beat her up, but Kaoru agreed and so Hikaru went along with it. Hunny also said they had to pay more attention to her, be nicer to her, and make her feel loved and safe. Milord started going off on all the crazy ways they would do that, but Hunny, Kyoya, and even Kaoru stopped him, saying that he was going overboard and Haruhi wouldn't want to be fussed over, that the kneeling ceremony and knight-in-shining-armor cosplay was enough. Tamaki ended up crouching in his corner of woe. That was a relief to Hikaru, something normal in this whole mad mess.

Hunny continued on, saying that Haruhi might be subdued and withdrawn and they shouldn't take offense, and that she might start crying for no reason. If that happened, they should let her go off by herself, or if she looked like she needed comforting, they should comfort her in a secluded place away from curious eyes. As Hunny went on, Hikaru got more and more uneasy. Was Haruhi really going to be like that? An alien? A ticking time bomb? Had that drunken jerk really replaced their friend with someone they didn't know at all? How was Hikaru supposed to handle that? Maybe he and Kaoru really should shut her out of their world. The thought made his heart twist. It wasn't as bad as him shutting Kaoru out of his life, but it was worse than shutting, say, Milord out. He didn't want to do it. Really, really didn't want to do it.

Hikaru thought about all this as he sat in the classroom looking at the secret princess. She was still smiling to herself as she took notes, so Hikaru knew that there was nothing to worry about. Milord's crazy scheme had worked, as his schemes usually did, and she was happy. The alien was gone, their friend was back, and there was no need to shut her out of their world.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

Kaoru watched Haruhi as class got out for lunch and Hikaru invited her to sit with them in the cafeteria. He watched her closely because he was worried about her. She declined Hikaru's invitation, saying that she would rather eat her lunch alone in the classroom so she could study. That wasn't what worried Kaoru. Haruhi often ate alone in the classroom so she could study without interruptions. What worried him was that everything he saw about victims on the cop-and-lawyer episodes he watched and the warnings Hunny gave about Haruhi's possible behavior changes was coming true. He put a hand on Hikaru's shoulder to stop him from pressing his invitation further, and waved goodbye to Haruhi as he dragged his twin out of the classroom door.

"I'm glad Haruhi's back to normal. You guys had me worried for nothing!" Hikaru said as they walked to the cafeteria. Kaoru looked at him and shook his head.

"You really are blind to other's feelings, aren't you, Hikaru," he said.

"What?" asked Hikaru. "What are you talking about? I saw Haruhi, same as you. That kneeling thing made her happy. She was laughing and joking with us."

"Yeah, that was this morning before class," Kaoru said. "But it didn't last long. She became quiet and subdued, like Hunny said she would. She stopped taking notes and kept staring off into space. Didn't you see how she acted when the teacher called on her?"

"Yeah, she didn't know the answer, so what? It's not like she knows every answer to every question," replied Hikaru.

"In history class, she does," Kaoru contradicted him. "And it wasn't just that she didn't know the answer, she hadn't even heard the question. The teacher had to repeat it twice before she understood. That isn't like Haruhi. She always pays attention to the teachers. Today she was zoning out."

"Yeah," agreed Hikaru reluctantly. But then he argued, "So, she had an off moment. History is boring, anyway. She was fine by biology."

"Yes, she did start smiling again when the three of us were looking at cells through the microscope," Kaoru agreed when they reached the line for hot lunches. "You made her smile, complimenting her on her ability to tell which cell was which and knowing the answers to the worksheet questions."

"You made her laugh when you joked about Milord having the brains of a single-celled organism," Hikaru said with a smile. "And I liked what she said about us being a paramecium, starting as one organism, but becoming two separate beings that she could tell apart like she could tell the two parameciums apart. I couldn't even tell them apart."

Kaoru smiled, thinking of how her words warmed his heart. She really was special. Then he frowned. "But did you see her face when the amoeba surrounded that other organism and ate it? She got all teary-eyed and ran to the restroom."

Hikaru shrugged. "So? Girls freak out about things like that. One animal eating another, survival of the fittest, that sort of thing. Speaking of eating animals, I'll have lunch A, and slice the ham extra thick," he said, directing that last part to the lunch lady.

Kaoru ordered the same thing. As they moved down the line to give their names to the cashier to add the meal to their tab, he said to his slightly older brother, "Girls freak out when they see a tiger eating a deer or something, but not single-celled organisms absorbing each other. And anyhow, Haruhi isn't like most girls. I think she saw herself as the organism being destroyed by the amoeba, and the amoeba as the thug who beat her up."

Kaoru saw that Hikaru hadn't even noticed they had reached the cashier. He was too busy staring at his slightly younger brother with a horrified expression on his face. Kaoru gave the cashier their names and led Hikaru away from the line.

Finally, Hikaru sputtered, "But. . . but. . . she wasn't killed or anything! It's not like he ate her!"

"But he did destroy her," Kaoru said sadly, looking at his brother. "Or at least, I think that's how she feels."

Hikaru continued to look horrified. Kaoru just felt sad. He saw the other hosts sitting at a table and led Hikaru to them.

As they sat down, Kaoru could tell that the other hosts had seen their expressions. Hunny was the first to react. "What's wrong, guys?" he asked.

"Kaoru thinks Haruhi was destroyed by an amoeba!" Hikaru blurted. Kaoru facepalmed.

"What?" the other hosts asked, clearly wondering if Hikaru had gone insane.

Kaoru just shook his head and explained what Hikaru was talking about. Then he told them about his observations of Haruhi so far. "It's like you said, Hunny-senpai, she's happy sometimes but for the most part she's subdued and withdrawn. She's not herself. I think our compliments and attention cheers her up somewhat, but I wish I knew what to do to make her truly happy again."

"You said the kneeling ceremony this morning made her happy. We'll just have to keep up the knight-in-shining-armor theme," suggested Milord.

"That may help for a while, but it won't solve the underlying problem," said Kyoya, sipping his coffee.

"She needs to see a professional. Like a therapist," said Hunny looking despondently at his cake. He wasn't eating it anymore, Kaoru noticed.

"I'm afraid that won't help, either, not with Haruhi," said Kyoya with certainty.

Kaoru had to agree with that. Haruhi wasn't the type of person to seek help. She might not panic the way she had when they tried to take her to the doctor, but she would probably be insulted if they suggested she see a shrink. "So what do we do? How do we fix Haruhi?" Kaoru asked. He figured Kyoya would have the answer. Level-headed and practical, Kyoya always had the answer.

To his surprise, the normally unflappable Ohtori just stared reflectively into his coffee mug for a long time then said quietly, "I don't know." As if hearing what he just said, he straightened his back and he looked up at everyone, cool and in command once again. "For now we'll go with Tamaki's suggestion about treating her like a hero to alleviate any guilt she might feel, and with Hunny-senpai's suggestion of giving her attention and sincere compliments to let her know we care about her," he said. Then he gave Milord a pointed stare. "And we avoid exacerbating the problem by squishing her or swinging her around or doing anything we know would upset her," he said. Milord tried to protest that he wouldn't do such a thing, but at everyone's level look he retreated to his corner of woe.

"We keep her from getting drowned in dark thoughts," said Mori. Kaoru stared at him in surprise, as did everyone else. They hadn't expected the normally stoic host to speak. Plus, that was something Kaoru hadn't considered. He didn't think anyone else had considered it, either. Well, anyone but Hunny. From the look on Hunny's face, he must have known that would be a danger for Haruhi. Maybe he learned it in his research.

Kaoru looked at Hikaru and saw the look on his face that Hikaru only got when Kaoru himself was really sick or hurt. Hikaru looked scared and sad and lost. Kaoru took Hikaru's hand and squeezed it. "She'll be alright," he said to his twin. "It make take a while, but eventually she'll be fine."

Hikaru gave him a small smile. "Thanks, brother," he said.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

 **A/n: Reviews are the best! Constructive criticism is awesome! I love follows and favorites! Please, if you like this story, do those things to let me know!**


	7. Chapter 7

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

After school was done for the day, the twins and Haruhi walked together towards the music room. Haruhi felt lost and sad. She felt dirty and worthless and filled with an empty void. Yet, in her sorrow she also felt a ray of sunshine. Two rays of sunshine to be exact. They came in the form of two crazy teenage doppelgangers. For the most part they had been up to their usual antics today, yet they seemed to pay special attention to her. It wasn't glaringly obvious, but they smiled at her more, complimented her more and with obvious sincerity, bantered with her more, and had, she only realized later, treated her as a person and not just as their toy. They also respected her personal space. Sure, they ruffled her hair a couple times, but they hadn't glomped all over her like they usually did, or kidnapped her to go do something when she was trying to study. When she thought about this, Haruhi felt a warm glow inside. The two had always been interested in only themselves, and while they had started opening up their world when they joined the host club, they were still hard-pressed to even notice others' feelings, let alone be considerate of them. Their attitude towards her had changed a little when she revealed that she could tell the difference between them, but nothing near this extent. They were actually being thoughtful of someone outside their duo! Haruhi felt pride that she had inspired them to take this step. She knew that now they were considerate of her feelings, they would start being considerate of others as well. It was satisfying to be the instigator of such personal growth.

Even more than pride at Hikaru and Kaoru's development, however, Haruhi felt. . . special. Out of all the people in the world, it was her they showed concern for. It was her they cared about. Any of a hundred other people could show her the same amount of kindness, but coming from Hikaru and Kaoru it meant so much more. Haruhi knew it was a silly emotion, but, yes, their attention made her feel special, indeed.

Of course, that renaissance vase had once been special, too.

Haruhi closed her eyes as she felt a stabbing pain shoot through her chest. Would she ever be whole again? Would she ever feel right again? For a few beautiful, fleeting moments she had felt warm and special and loved. Now she felt like the twins were wasting their time and attention with her. She was dirty and broken and useless. She was a void that would suck their compliments and banter and smiles into nothingness. Why would they care about her? They shouldn't care about her. She was shattered bits of trash now. The fact that they didn't know it yet just made her feel like she was lying to them. She was taking advantage of their kindness. She wished she could get away from them so she wouldn't keep wasting their time. She wished she could get away from them so she wouldn't have to face it when they inevitably turned away from her.

"Um, I have to go to the bathroom. I'll meet you in the music room," Haruhi mumbled to the twins and practically fled. She had to have a minute to herself.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

As Kyoya had explained to her once, the academy was a business as well as a school. In order to attract wealthy families and make a profit, it had to keep the students happy. Thus, as more and more students started coming out as transgender, the school board had more unisex restrooms installed. When the board found out the host club had a member whose gender they wished kept secret, they had a unisex restroom installed near music room #3. It was just one more way the elite private school differed from the public commoner schools Haruhi was used to.

There were no stalls in this restroom, just a single toilet and a counter with a sink. Even so, it was large and opulent, just like Haruhi had come to expect from this place. She locked the door and went to the mirror, intending on giving herself a pep talk. Yet, instead of her face looking back at her in the reflection, all she saw was a vase crashing to the floor. She let out a gasp of surprise and fear and quickly turned around to face the other direction. She looked at the marble floor (no simple tile here, of course), and saw little shards of pottery covered in filth and small debris. _'A_ _rgh!'_ she mentally yelled, this time in anger and frustration at herself. She glared at the wall as if it were her own messed up mind and scolded out loud, "Stop imagining things! Get ahold of yourself! This isn't the time! You can't quit school just because something bad happened to you. You can't quit the host club since you still have that debt. Life isn't stopping. You have to carry on and do what needs to be done! You've been caring for yourself and Dad since Mom died. You can do this! You're strong. You're independent. So, stiff upper lip, Fujioka! Put a smile on your face and go be a host!" She nodded resolutely, and stalked out of the restroom with a determined stride, plastering a fake smile on her face and ready to face the world.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

When she arrived in the music room, only Hunny and Mori were in the main area. Sounds from the storage room let her know the others were in there, likely sorting through the costumes and props.

"Haru-chan!" cried Hunny, running up to her. "How are you? You look happy! Did you like our ceremony this morning?"

"I am happy, Hunny-senpai!" Haruhi lied with a laugh and gave him a big hug. She was glad for once that he looked more like a child than a man, since it made him seem less threatening. She paused for a second as that realization crossed her mind. She had never considered Hunny or any of her male friends as threatening before, regardless of their appearance. Would she really have avoided hugging her cake-loving friend if he looked older? She decided not to think about it. Instead, she focused on her conversation before anyone noticed her spacing out. In response to Hunny's question she said, "I liked the ceremony. Thank you!" As Mori walked up, she added, "And thank you, too, Mori-senpai!" In response he smiled and ruffled her hair.

"You're welcome!" piped Hunny, taking her hand and pulling towards a table laden with cake. "We wanted to make you happy, 'cuz when you're happy, we're all happy!"

"And when you're sad, we're all sad," added Mori quietly, following them. Haruhi looked up at him in surprise, and he looked away. Haruhi thought he probably hadn't meant anyone to hear that.

Mori's comment not only surprised Haruhi, it made her thoughtful. She had been in so much pain and anguish at the beach house. How must the rest of them had felt, seeing her like that? The idea that they all suffered when she did both warmed her heart and saddened her, but she didn't have time to dwell on it. Hunny was commanding her attention, pointing out some cakes with strawberries.

As she was about to sit down, the other hosts appeared. "My beautiful daughter! How Daddy has missed you all day!" Tamaki cried, running up to her. He crushed her arms to her sides in a big bear hug and spun her around.

"NO! NO, STOP IT, SENPAI!" Haruhi shrieked.

Tamaki immediately set her down in confusion and worry. Mori was at her side in an instant, looking as if he would pull Tamaki off bodily if he had to. There was no need, though, as Tamaki took a step back and said, "Oh, I'm sorry, Haruhi. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Haruhi's heart was pounding and she was shaking, all the confidence from her self- pep talk pushed out of her by the sudden irrational fear. She held her hand to her chest in an effort to control her rapid breathing. Looking around the room, she saw that everyone was staring at her in worry. Her face turned red in embarrassment. "I'm- I'm sorry, senpai," she said self-consciously. "I didn't mean to overreact. You surprised me, that's all."

"Um, no, don't worry about it," Tamaki replied, still looking at her worriedly. The others were all glaring at him as if he had scared her on purpose and they were going to make him pay for it later. Haruhi didn't understand. It wasn't Tamaki's fault she panicked. He was just doing what he always did. It wasn't like he could anticipate her new crazy-psycho reaction.

Haruhi didn't know what to do. Things had been great just a minute ago, but now she had made things awkward. She looked down at her self. She wasn't shaking visibly, but she could still feel herself trembling. _'D_ _ammit!'_ she thought, embarrassment, anger, and frustration at herself overcoming her fear. _'Dammit, dammit, dammit!'_

Kyoya stopped glaring Tamaki and resumed his cool expression. He walked over to a table and sat down, pulling out his laptop. Without looking up, he said conversationally, "Haruhi, you'll be happy to know that I was able to sell those vases you gave me for a tidy sum. Your debt has gone down considerably. At this rate, you may be able to pay it off by the end of the school year."

Haruhi was usually annoyed when Kyoya brought up her debt, but now she was grateful. She could tell he did it take attention away from her overreaction. He really was kind, even if he chose to hide that fact under a mask of cool aloofness.

"What vases?" asked Tamaki and the twins at the same time.

"The girls from the beach sent me flowers and other gifts in token of their appreciation," said Haruhi, her smile returning. "The vases the flowers came in looked expensive, so I gave them to Kyoya to help pay off my debt."

"They sent you flowers?" asked Hikaru.

"And other gifts?" asked Kaoru.

"It's like something out of a story! Fair maidens giving tokens to their knight in shining armor!" Hunny exclaimed. Mori smiled at her.

"Careful Haruhi," said Hikaru, leaning in on one side of her without actually touching her.

"Or else some of those girls might fall in love with you!" added Kaoru, leaning in on her other side.

Haruhi's face turned absolutely crimson. "What?! In love with me?! No, no! There's nothing like that!" she stammered.

"Actually, it _is_ like that," said Kyoya from his table. His glasses reflected the laptop screen as he scrolled through the Host Club inbox. "I received several requests for you on the Host Club's website. It seems you've received more requests than any of the rest of us, including our president here."

"What?!" cried the other hosts together.

Tamaki's voice was higher than the rest. "Let me see!" he demanded, running to look over Kyoya's shoulder. The rest joined him.

"She took most of your regulars, Tamaki, and most of everyone else's as well. Your request rate had gone down from seventy percent to two," Kyoya informed him mildly.

"Look, the princess has outstripped the king!" said Hikaru and Kaoru together.

Tamaki looked as if he had been stabbed in the heart. He went dramatically to his corner of woe. The twins followed him and continued their teasing.

"Haru-chan's also got a lot of new clients that have never been here before," Hunny pointed out, gesturing to some names on the screen.

"Yes, our clientele has increased by eighteen percent," Kyoya confirmed. "That's the highest single jump since the club began." He smiled at them. It was a very scary expression. "It seems that being a knight in shining armor is very profitable!"

"So you did agree to do the kneeling thing this morning for profit!" exclaimed Haruhi.

"Of course. What other motive could I have?" he asked. Haruhi looked at him shrewdly. By all appearances, Kyoya seemed to be only concerned with gain. Yet, there was something about the look on his face and the tone of his voice that made Haruhi believe he was only pretending. It was well hidden, yet Haruhi could see the truth about him the same way she could see the difference between Hikaru and Kaoru. She could tell that while Kyoya had been pleased with the increase in club business, that hadn't been his real motivation for this morning. She resolved to ask him about it when there were less ears to hear.

"Well, we did it because we're proud of you! We thought you were very brave!" Hunny assured Haruhi. Mori nodded in agreement.

Proud? Brave? Haruhi knew they were trying to make her feel good, but they didn't know the truth. Haruhi did, and the knowledge made those words sting like accusations.

She felt her eyes begin to water, and not from tears of joy. "Uh, thanks, guys," she managed to get out past the lump forming in her throat. "I'm going to make some coffee." She practically ran to the little kitchen, letting the door swing shut behind her. Her mind was spinning. Brave? Yeah, right. Stupid was more like it. They were proud? Ha! If they knew the truth, they wouldn't be proud. Contemptuous and disgusted, maybe, but not proud. She leaned forward on the counter, bracing herself with her hands as her shoulders started to shake and tears of shame and self-incrimination slid down her cheeks. Brave? She was a little girl who had attacked two big thugs with nothing but a bucket of starfish. How stupid! How idiotic! When the others had honored her bravery this morning, she had been foolishly pleased. Now she wanted to crawl into a hole and hide in shame.

"Haruhi?" asked Kyoya, opening the door.

Haruhi tried to make her voice as normal as possible. "Yes, Kyoya-senpai?" she asked, not turning around. She busied herself with the coffee pot and tried surreptitiously to wipe her eyes.

"We're about to start the meeting. You should hurry with the coffee," he said.

"Yes, Kyoya-senpai," Haruhi replied, still not looking at him. She could feel his eyes on her back as she bustled around the kitchen. To her great relief, he stayed only a few moments before leaving and shutting the door behind him. Haruhi set the coffee to brewing then splashed water on her face. She was grateful for Kyoya's interruption. His brusque command had pulled her out of her dark thoughts, given her a task to focus on, and the motivation to accomplish that task quickly - too quickly for those thoughts to return and drag her under. Knowing Kyoya, that was probably his intention. Or maybe not. Either way, she was glad that he hadn't tried to comfort her. Had he done that, she would have dissolved into a crying mess and that would have been humiliating. As it was, she was able to pull herself together and bring the coffee out to the others without embarrassing tears.

Today was not a hosting day, for which Haruhi was relieved, as she wasn't up for hosting her guests or being the center of their attention. Instead, the club held a meeting to plan out the theme and details for their next cosplay. Kyoya, Haruhi knew, often manipulated their king into choosing the theme Kyoya wanted while letting Tamaki believe it was his idea. So whenever Tamaki presented a theme to the others, Haruhi knew that Kyoya had either already endorsed it or chosen it himself. That was why, when Tamaki presented medieval knights in shining armor in honor of Haruhi's bravery, Haruhi was surprised when Kyoya rejected it. She was certainly relieved, since she was sick of the whole thing by now, but puzzled. Why had Kyoya nixed that idea when he had surely approved it beforehand? Had Kyoya perceived just how uncomfortable she was with this fuss over her supposed bravery and threw it out for her sake? He had never changed his plans for her before. Haruhi started paying more attention to him as the meeting went on and realized that he was warmer to her today than he usually was. Well, he was less cool, anyway. Still, she reflected, it was an improvement.

Kaoru and Hikaru continued their extra attentiveness to Haruhi, though it was more interspersed now that they had their king to pester. Hunny cuddled up to Haruhi on the couch and laid down with his head on her lap. Haruhi liked it when he did things like that, especially today. His childlike affection was sweet and comforting, and that was exactly what she needed right now. Mori, sitting on Hunny's other side, reached over to ruffle Haruhi's hair, causing her to give him a smile. He had done that much more often during today's meeting than he normally did, and she didn't know why. Whatever the reason, she found it heartwarming.

To one degree or another, Kaoru, Hikaru, Kyoya, Hunny, and Mori all seemed to be making an extra effort to make her happy and it was working. Tamaki was the only member of the club who aggravated her. Aggravated her more than normal, that is. Oh, he tried to make her happy, she was sure, but his efforts were counterproductive. Because of her earlier freak-out, he was afraid to touch her, and in fact kept a physical distance from her. He kept shooting her worried glances in the same irritating way her father did. He was overly solicitous in his offers to see to her every imaginable want or need, as if she was an invalid who could not do a thing for herself. When he argued, in his usually whining way, for having a knight in shining armor theme over Kyoya's protests, both Kaoru and Kyoya had to kick him in the shins before he could take the hint that he was making Haruhi uncomfortable. When he finally understood his mistake, he became depressed. He didn't get all overdramatic and retreat to his usual corner of woe, however. That would have been much better. Instead, he seemed to deflate, and looked for all the world like he had accidentally run over his puppy dog. It made Haruhi feel incredibly guilty, which in turn made her angry. Why couldn't he act like normal? For that matter, why couldn't she? Why couldn't she put on a better mask? Why had the nothingness that had replaced her soul become a void that was sucking out Tamaki's soul as well?

 _A broken vase_

 _Shattered pieces_

 _Pieces that cut others who come near just by their very existence._

 _That's what I am now_

Before her thoughts could spiral further downward, Mori ruffled her hair. She didn't know if it was coincidence of timing or if he observed some nonverbal cue that she was becoming depressed, but his comforting gesture brought her back to reality. She gave him a grateful smile.

When she turned her attention back to the meeting, Hunny was suggesting they cosplay as stuffed animals. Kaoru, in turn, suggested classic Spanish bullfighters, and Hikaru suggested ancient Greeks. Tamaki, seeing that Haruhi was smiling again, dramatically painted a verbal picture of them all dressing as characters from _Alice in Wonderland_ , with Haruhi as Alice, of course. Kaoru and Hikaru devilishly argued that Tamaki should be Alice instead, and the meeting, with all the crazy antics, continued.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

Haruhi's emotions went back and forth between the happiness her friends brought her, and the sucking void of nothingness her soul had become since the incident at the beach. When the feeling of nothingness swept over her, she had to work hard to keep it from showing so that the others wouldn't catch on. By the end of the meeting, her internal battle had left her feeling very drained, and she was eager to head home.

As she was packing up her book bag, Kyoya said, "Haruhi, I received a text from your father. He requested I give you a ride home. He doesn't like the thought of you traveling alone."

"He didn't mind me traveling alone to school this morning," she replied.

"In fact, he did. He apparently called me early this morning and asked me to give you a ride to school, but as you know I'm not a morning person and I have no memory of that conversation," he admitted.

 _'Not a morning person indeed, if he doesn't remember talking to my dad,'_ she thought. She considered Kyoya's offer. Usually her independent streak would have made her reject it out of hand. She could walk and take the bus just fine. Yet with how tired she was, she actually found the idea of a ride inviting. Plus, she was ashamed to admit, she hadn't liked traveling by herself this morning. She was still irrationally fearful that either the dead thug who attacked her or his imprisoned companion would spring out of nowhere and attack her again.

Still, she said, "I don't want to be a bother to you."

"It's no bother," he assured her. "Your apartment isn't that far out of my way, and I like your father. I don't mind doing this small favor for him."

Haruhi's brow furrowed in confusion. He liked her father? As far as she knew, the only time Kyoya had ever talked to her dad before this morning was when Kyoya called to tell him that Haruhi had been attacked and he should come pick her up. Haruhi thought that must have been some phone call, if it made the cool Kyoya like him so quickly. Well, her dad's personality was a lot like Tamaki's, so she guessed it made sense.

"Alright," Haruhi agreed.

As they walked to Kyoya's waiting car, he said, "I must admit, Haruhi, I was surprised when I received the vases you sent me. When someone sends another a gift, it's considered bad manners to get rid of it so soon. It was very practical of you to do so, since as I said it reduced your debt quite a bit, but I thought you were more polite than that."

Haruhi thought she understood what Kyoya was really getting at. "I promise you the clients aren't going to find out. They don't visit me at home, after all, so they won't see the vases missing. And I certainly won't tell them. You have no need to fear this will affect the Host Club's business," she assured him.

"I'm not worried about that," he said dismissively, which surprised Haruhi. Kyoya continued, "You said you also received other gifts from them. I assume those are also expensive. Why send me the vases and not the other items?"

"As you said, it's not polite to give away gifts so soon," Haruhi answered. "I will, though, after enough time has passed so I don't feel rude."

"So why send me the vases now? Surely they could have waited along with everything else," Kyoya persisted.

"Um, I don't really like vases," she mumbled, worried he would make her explain why.

"You don't like vases?" he asked, his eyebrows climbing.

"No. There's Tachibana over there," Haruhi said, gesturing to Kyoya's driver as she spotted him. She half-walked, half-ran towards him in an effort to end the conversation. Tachibana bowed and gave her polite greetings as he held the car door open for her. She returned the greetings with a forced smile and got in.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

Kyoya watched the young woman scamper away from him as fast a decently would allow. Had he pushed too hard about the vases? He and Ranka had talked a lot over the last week about Haruhi's troubling state of mind, neither quite knew how to help her. The day Haruhi received the vases, Ranka called Kyoya, out of his mind with worry. For some unknown reason, she had looked horrified and frightened when she saw them - the same reaction she had to thunder and lightning. She had tried to appear calm, but was obviously in great distress, and had fled to her room. Ranka had pressed his ear to her door, even holding up a glass to amplify the sound, and had heard quiet sobbing from her. He told Kyoya that he hadn't been this worried about Haruhi since shortly after her mother's death when her fear of thunderstorms began. Back then he had taken her to a professional counselor, but she had refused to say anything and it hadn't done any good. Ranka was afraid that the same thing would happen if he made her see a counselor now. He begged Kyoya, as her friend, to talk to her. Kyoya didn't think he was the best person for that sort of thing, but had agreed to try.

As he watched Haruhi get into the car, he knew he had been right. He wasn't the best person for this. Maybe he should ask one of Haruhi's other friends to talk to her, someone better equipped to deal with another person's emotions. Yet, did he have that right? Disclosing Haruhi's psychological issues to someone else would violate her privacy, even if it was done for the best of intentions. As a member of a medical family, patient right to privacy had been drilled into him, and he was loathe to violate it, even if he wasn't actually a doctor and she wasn't technically his patient.

He followed Haruhi into the car, still pondering how best to help her. As he buckled his seatbelt, Haruhi blurted, "Kyoya-senpai, why did you really join the others in kneeling to me this morning? Don't tell me it was just for profit. That may have been part of the reason, but I can tell there was more to it than that."

Kyoya was taken aback. He knew Haruhi was observant of others. She was able to tell the difference between the twins when no one else could, after all. Yet he hadn't expected her to see through him like that. Very few people did.

He recovered from his surprise quickly and replied, "You're right, I did think of profits, but that was only a secondary reason. In fact, I think if there had been no chance of profits, I still would have done it." Haruhi frowned in confusion. _'So, despite her observation of me, I still managed to surprise her,'_ he thought. The car started to move, and Kyoya checked to make sure that the divider was up between them and Tachibana. He wanted privacy for what he had to say.

On instinct, he took one of her hands in both of his. He said, "Haruhi, I don't think you understand how much you mean to me, to all of us. Seeing you in pain at the beach was one of the hardest things I've ever had to watch, and I'm not the only one who feels that way. I wish more than anything that I could go back in time and stop what happened to you, but I can't. So I will do whatever I can to take away your pain. Tamaki knew - we all knew - that his words hurt you more than you had already suffered. We knew that because of what he said, you unjustly blamed yourself for what happened. That is a burden you shouldn't bear. Tamaki felt, and I believe he's right, that just telling you he was wrong wouldn't be enough, that we had to show you we saw you as a heroine. Yes, the honor ceremony was more dramatic and public than I would have preferred, but you know how Tamaki is when he gets these ideas into his head. And I had to try. I have yet to come up with any ideas of my own on how to ease your pain." He paused as a thought occured to him. "Well, that's not entirely true. But this was the fastest and easiest way, and I hoped it would be a beginning, at least."

His speech ended, and Haruhi just sat blinking at him, apparently trying to process what he said. Finally, she replied, "It is a beginning. More than a beginning. It really made me feel good, Kyoya-senpai. I mean, I don't want everyone to make a fuss over how brave I was. I think that's mistaking bravery for stupidity. But I no longer think Tamaki or the rest of you guys blame me. That makes me feel better."

"We don't blame you, and you shouldn't blame yourself, either. You did nothing wrong," Kyoya insisted.

"Debatable," Haruhi muttered, looking down. "I should have run to you guys."

"Perhaps," Kyoya allowed, "but you certainly did not deserve to be beaten up for it, not by that jerk, and not by you. You made a mistake, but you've more than paid for it, and you won't make the same mistake again. Flagellating yourself over it won't accomplish anything."

Haruhi was silent for a minute. She stared at her hand, which was still grasped in both of his. "I guess you're right," she conceded, "but _knowing_ I should stop feeling guilty and stupid and actually stopping are two totally different things."

"True," agreed Kyoya. He unconsciously started rubbing the back of her hand. "Just remember, Haruhi, that we're always here to talk to. I don't know how much I can help you, or the twins, either, but Mori-senpai and Hunny-senpai are very perceptive and give good advice. And while Tamaki is a fool most of the time, he can sometimes surprise you. There have been times when he's serious that's he said exactly the right thing to change someone's life."

"Really?" asked Haruhi dubiously.

Kyoya said, "I understand your skepticism, Haruhi, but it's true. He's done that for all of us." Kyoya gave one of his rare smiles in memory. "If I had more time I'd tell you about how he and I met. He made me so angry that I threw over a table and almost punched him, but then he said something to me that was so profound, it changed how I view myself as an Ohtori, and what I'm working to become. That's why I'm friends with him. He's done similar things for Hunny-senpai and the twins. He changed their world, just as he changed mine. I'm sure if you give him a chance, he'll do the same for you."

"Yeah, right," Haruhi said, irritation in her voice. "I don't know what all he's done for you guys, but he's different with me. You saw how he acted in the club meeting. He wasn't exactly brimming with wisdom and world-changing advice."

"True," Kyoya conceded, "but this is a new situation for him. Give him time to get used to it and I promise he'll come through."

The car stopped and the two of them looked to see that they were parked outside Haruhi's apartment. People on the street were staring at the car, which was obviously way too fancy to belong in their neighborhood.

Haruhi drew a deep breath as if coming out of a trance. "Thanks, Kyoya-senpai," she said, though she didn't say whether it was for the ride or the advice. She tugged at her hand, but Kyoya held onto it.

"Will you promise to talk to Tamaki? Or Hunny-senpai or Mori-senpai?" Kyoya asked. That was the plan he had just come up with to ease her pain: get her to talk to someone herself so that she would get the help she needed and he didn't have to violate her privacy by talking to them behind her back.

"Uh, I'll think about it," Haruhi replied as Tachibana opened her door.

Kyoya released her hand. "That's all I ask," he said.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

 **A/n: I'm always trying to improve as a writer, so reviews and contructive criticism are welcome.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 **Author's note: the medieval fantasy novel Haruhi thinks about is called** _ **The Curse of Chalion**_ **by Lois McMaster Bujold.**

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Haruhi heard the fancy car drive away as she entered her apartment. She dropped her book bag and sat on the floor by the table, staring into space. That whole conversation had left her in a daze. Kyoya cared about her that much? He hadn't known her for very long, and besides, to him she was just a commoner trying to work off a debt. Why would he care so much about her? It was startling to say the least. She had thought she had a fairly good grasp on Kyoya. Apparently, she had been wrong.

She looked at her right hand where she could still feel Kyoya's fingers massaging it. No, not even massaging it, just rubbing it. It had been just a stupid, unconscious little repetitive movement of his fingers. Nothing to get worked up about. So why had it felt so soothing? Somehow, the warmth from Kyoya's hands had spread into her entire body, as if she had slipped into a warm bath. The caress of his fingers, unconscious though it had been, had made her brain feel fuzzy, and the sound of his voice had a hypnotic effect on her. She'd had to force herself to concentrate in order to hear the actual words he'd been saying. It was lunacy!

Haruhi decided to get up and wash her hands at the kitchen sink. That would get rid of the feeling still lingering there. While it had felt nice, it was just too disconcerting. There was nothing real going on. She didn't actually have feelings for Kyoya. It was just a weird symptom of how messed up her psyche was. It had to be. Her mind was merely over-responding to simple human kindness, right? She had read a medieval fantasy novel once where the main character had been subjected to cruelty as a slave on a galley ship for over a year, then when he was freed he cried whenever someone showed him the merest kindness. As she finished washing her hands and reached for the towel, she reflected that she was probably experiencing a less intense version of what that character experienced. She hadn't been whipped and beaten by slave masters, but she had been subjected to cruelty by a man much larger and stronger than she.

As that thought crossed her mind, Haruhi froze. Phantom pain suddenly filled her body. In an instant she felt exactly as she had on the cave floor, covered in dirt, blood, and bruises. The sight of her attacker's face entered her mind's eye, and the sound of his vile laughter filled her ears. She felt his disgusting and painful touch all over her body, smelled the reek of his body odor in her nostrils, tasted his sickening, booze-filled breath in her mouth when he kissed her, felt her terror overwhelm her . . . all these filled her perceptions until it became her reality. She was no longer aware that she was alone in her kitchen. Instead, she was back in the cave on the beach with a terrifying monster.

Haruhi slid onto the floor, her back against the cupboards. She sat with her arms around her knees, sobbing as the memories flooded her. She tried desperately to push them out, to think about her friends doing the kneeling ceremony, or Kyoya's hand massage, or even the image of that damned broken vase, but the memories of the cave overpowered her. Helpless to do anything else, Haruhi relived the worst moments of her life.

The phone rang, blessedly bringing her back to reality as Mori's hair ruffling had done earlier that day. A glance at the clock showed that Haruhi had been crying for over an hour. The call was likely her dad on break at work checking up on her. She bounded to her feet and drank some water to clear her throat. She tested her voice a few times to make sure it sounded normal, then answered the phone on the fifth ring.

"Hello," she said, making her voice bright.

"Hi, sweetheart," her dad said from the other end of the line. "I see you got home ok. Did Kyoya give you a ride?"

"Yeah, he did. It was really nice of him," Haruhi answered, her voice as cheerful as Hunny eating a cake.

"Yes, it was," Ranka agreed. By the relief in his voice, Haruhi's false cheer had fooled him. Good. "Do you have a lot of homework?" he asked.

"Some," she replied, her face starting to hurt from her forced smile. "But it's pretty easy stuff. Shouldn't take me too long to do."

"That's good. So you're feeling ok?" he asked.

 _No_. "Yes. I'm fine. I'm thinking of making hot pot for dinner," Haruhi said with sunny brightness, hoping the conversation would end soon.

"Sounds good. I have an early shift tonight so I'll be home a little after eleven. Don't hesitate to call if you need anything before then," Ranka told her.

"Will do," she assured him, still channeling her inner Hunny.

"Love you, sweetheart," her dad said.

"Love you, too," she replied, and winced. That had come out a little too syrupy to sound real. She hoped her dad hadn't noticed. "Bye," she said.

"Bye," Ranka replied, and hung up.

Haruhi put the phone back on its cradle and let out a deep breath. She had fooled him. . . she hoped. At any rate, he didn't say he was coming home early, so that was a relief. Haruhi went to wash her face in the restroom sink. She noticed that she was feeling somewhat better. Perhaps acting happy had made her happy in truth, at least a little bit. She looked in the mirror and gave her reflection a small smile. Whatever the reason, she was grateful for it.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

In the back room of the bar, Ranka hung up the phone and dialed another number. The call was answered on the second ring.

"Hello," said the voice on the other end of the line.

"Kyoya, it's Ranka. I need your help again," he said.

"Yes?" asked Kyoya.

"I just got off the phone with Haruhi. Thank you for taking her home, by the way. But she's not doing well. Her voice was cheery, like a kid with a whole cake. She's never cheery. At least, never that cheery. I think something's wrong, but I know she won't want me to come home early. Would you go keep her company, please?" Ranka requested.

"I would," Kyoya replied, "but I don't think I'm the right person to do that. I tried to talk to her about the vases today, but I think I just upset her further. I'll ask one of her other friends to visit with her. I'm sure they would love to."

"Thank you, Kyoya. You're a good friend. Haruhi is lucky to have someone like you in her life," Ranka said, relieved.

"And she's lucky to have you as a father," Kyoya replied. They said goodbye and hung up.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"You want us to hang out with Haruhi?" the Hitachiin twins asked together, looking at each other incredulously.

"Yes," came Kyoya's voice on Kaoru's speakerphone. "She's been going through a hard time and needs to have a little fun."

"You want someone to have fun?" asked Hikaru.

"Without you earning a profit from it?" asked Kaoru.

"Are you sick or something?" they asked together.

They could almost hear Kyoya pinch the bridge of his nose. "I didn't say _I_ wanted to have fun," he said. "Besides, Haruhi brings a lot of business to the club. If she gets depressed, she won't be able to host the guests properly."

Hikaru reached over and put the cell's microphone on mute, then said to his twin, "Geez, can you believe him? He never thinks of anything but profit!"

Kaoru shook his head and explained, "Actually, I'm pretty sure he cares about Haruhi as much as the rest of us. He just tries to pretend otherwise."

"Hello?" asked Kyoya. "Are you two still there?"

Kaoru took the phone off mute. "We're here," the twins said together.

"So you need someone to cheer her up," began Hikaru.

"And when you need someone cheered up," continued Kaoru.

"You think of the Hitachiin twins!" they finished together, flinging their arms out as if giving a performance.

"Actually, I thought of Tamaki first," Kyoya said matter-of-factly. "But he told me earlier today that he was going to spend time with his father before his father left town and I didn't want to disturb him. Then I tried calling Hunny-senpai, but his brother informed me he was conducting a special training session on the Haninozuka style martial arts. So I tried Mori-senpai, but _his_ brother told me he was assisting Hunny-senpai in the training. I tried Renge, but she is out of town at an anime convention. I considered several other girls from school, but I think they would only make Haruhi uncomfortable by going on and on about what a hero she is. I don't have the contact information for any of her friends outside of Ouran, so I called you two."

With every name Kyoya listed, the twins' egos deflated a little more. "So you thought of us last, how flattering," they grumbled together.

"You two did an admirable job today of following Hunny-senpai's instructions. You were nicer to her without going overboard, you were considerate of her feelings, you didn't treat her like your toy, and you didn't touch her without permission. That's the mark of good friends. And she needs good friends right now," Kyoya said.

Hikaru and Kaoru shared a disgruntled look. First, Kyoya insulted them, then he turned around and complimented them. That was certainly Kyoya.

"Alright," they said together.

"If our secret princess needs good friends," started Hikaru.

"Then we'll be there for her," finished Kaoru.

"Thank you," said Kyoya. "I will call Haruhi and tell her you two are failing your classes and need her to tutor you. That's certainly believable. And I'll let her know you're sending a car for her. I don't think it's a good idea for you two to go to her apartment right now. Heaven knows what insensitive idiots you'll make of yourselves going to a commoner's dwelling for the first time, and I don't want to see Haruhi insulted." With that disparaging remark, he hung up, leaving the twins venting their curses at a silent phone.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Haruhi!" cried the twins as they answered their door. They each had one arm around the other and the other arm flung into the air like circus performers. It was one of their favorite poses. Instead of glomping all over their 'toy' and pulling her bodily into their mansion as they usually would have, they stepped apart and bowed to her, gesturing in courtly fashion for her to enter in the space between them. "Please, come in!" they invited politely.

Haruhi looked warily at them, apparently suspicious at this unusual behavior, but did as requested. After a few steps, she dropped her book bag on the floor and stood gaping at everything. "Wow, you guys live here?" she asked in wonder.

The twins shrugged.

"Sure," said Hikaru. "We've lived here ever since we were born."

"It's pretty small, especially compared to Kyoya-senpai's or Tamaki-senpai's houses, but we like it," added Kaoru.

Haruhi looked at them and mouthed the word "small?" then just shook her head in disbelief. The twins looked at each other. Honestly, how tiny must her house be if theirs was big to her?

Getting down to business in typical Haruhi fashion, she said, "Kyoya-senpai told me you two are failing biology and need me to tutor you."

"Well, we're not exactly failing," said Hikaru defensively.

"Actually, we're fourth and fifth in our class," Kaoru told her.

They faced each other with their foreheads together, their hands clutched tightly to each other's in one of their brotherly love poses.

"But we're under pressure from our family to be first," lamented Hikaru.

"Ah, the burden placed on our young shoulders!" bemoaned Kaoru.

"It's so difficult to bear. . ." they wailed together with tears in their eyes.

Haruhi just rolled her own eyes, unimpressed. "That's something I would believe from Kyoya-senpai, but not you two," she told them. "Your family isn't hard-nosed and demanding like his. Admit it, this is just a pretense to rope me into some scheme of yours."

"Some scheme!" the twins cried together.

"Ah, Haruhi! Do you really think so little of us?" asked Hikaru, coming up to her left side and placing the back of his hand to his forehead in a dramatic pose.

"All we wanted was to spend some time with our secret princess," Kaoru assured her, kneeling on her right side and giving the back of her hand an elegant kiss.

They had expected Haruhi to pull her hand away from Kaoru, shout "Fine," or something similar, then proceed to tell them that they better not keep her from grocery shopping or doing laundry or shellacking a dining room table or whatever. Instead, Haruhi just stood there blinking at Kaoru as if in a daze.

Seeing the effect Kaoru had on her, Hikaru knelt on her other side and took her other hand in his. "You are the only one for us, the only one we want to let into our little world," he said, then kissed her hand.

The twins looked up at her. Haruhi was blushing furiously. They tried not to look at each other or let the shock they felt register on their faces. Haruhi? Blushing? That was unlike her.

After a moment, their princess came out of her daze and jerked her hands away from them. She turned her back to them and picked up her book bag. They thought they heard her mutter "human kindness" as she shook her head, but that made no sense.

Giving each other a confused look, they shook themselves back into performance mode. With grand gestures and stage performer voices they led her into the dining room where they had their books spread out, along with a tea service and snacks. Haruhi appeared relieved at this evidence that they really did want to study, and that made the twins laugh. They themselves would have looked anything but relieved at the prospect of working rather than playing. Their princess was certainly practical.

So together the three studied, learning all about the intricacies of the human cell. True to their juvenile nature, the twins couldn't help making the phrase 'golgi body' (an organelle inside a cell) sound like a lewd body part, or deliberately calling vesicles 'testicles,' but rather than scorching them with her tongue, Haruhi simply rolled her eyes and continued. In fact, they could see a hint of a smile on her lips. They looked at each other, grinning. She was actually loosening up.

They continued their silly antics for the next two hours, making Haruhi's lips twitch, until she apparently couldn't hold it in any longer and burst out laughing. It was the most beautiful sound they had ever heard. They laughed with her, and barely restrained themselves from glomping all over her in pure joy.

Kaoru was the first to regain his breath. "All right, that's enough," he said, closing his textbook. "We've done biology, history, and literature. The rest of our homework isn't due until Thursday. Let's do something fun!"

Haruhi, still laughing, put her books back in her bag and asked, "Ok, what should we do?"

"Twister!" shouted Hikaru.

"Um, no," replied Haruhi, deadpan.

"Truth or dare!" shouted Kaoru.

"Definitely not," Haruhi shook her head.

"Hmm," the twins contemplated, each holding a finger to their chins in thought. In the moment of silence, Kaoru's stomach growled.

Hikaru put one hand on Kaoru's stomach and another on his cheek. "Oh, my dear brother, are you feeling an emptiness inside you?"

Kaoru closed his eyes in a forlorn look. "My stomach is as empty as my soul would be without you, my dear brother," he said melodramatically.

They could practically hear Haruhi roll her eyes. "He's just hungry, and no wonder since it's past dinnertime. If we were at my house, I'd make us something to eat," she said.

The twins looked at each other in excitement. "One of Haruhi's homemade dinners!" they cried together.

"That's even better than her homemade lunches!" cried Hikaru, thinking of the times he had managed to convince her to trade hers for his fancy school meal.

"You can cook in our kitchen! I'm sure the chef won't mind having the night off!" offered Kaoru. He almost grabbed her hand to drag her, but caught himself and offered her his arm instead. "My lady," he said with a sparkle in his eyes. Hikaru, his eyes also sparkling, went to her other side and offered her his arm as well.

Haruhi laughed. "Alright," she said, taking both their arms. The twins smiled at each other over her head. _Yes!_

At the entrance to the kitchen, Haruhi once again stopped to gape. The twins didn't see the big deal. It wasn't that big. What must life be like for this commoner? The look they gave each other said they'd have to visit her house soon and find out.

"Do you mind if I looked through your cupboards and drawers?" asked Haruhi. "I'd like to see what you have so I know what I can make."

"Sure," they agreed. Haruhi started rummaging through their kitchen, exclaiming over all the kitchen appliances and gadgets. Many of them she had obviously never seen before outside of television. Some, she had never seen even there. The twins couldn't really explain what any of it was since they never prepared food themselves, but the three had fun trying to figure it out. Hikaru and Kaoru made a game of devising the silliest uses they could think of for each appliance and gadget, such as curling someone's hair or predicting the future. Haruhi wasn't very creative at that sort of thing and so didn't suggest any oddball uses herself, but she laughed and joked with her friends just the same.

Finally, the three quit joking around and decided what to make. The twins were just going to watch Haruhi do all the work, but she insisted they help - forcefully. At that moment, she looked as demonic as Hunny when awoken too soon from a nap. The twins ran to wash their hands as she commanded then started to help make dinner, and the demon turned back into their princess.

Haruhi began making the main course, and instructed the boys on how to make the side dishes. Being cooking virgins, the twins made a lot of mistakes, and Haruhi constantly shook her head at their ineptitude, but even so, they all had fun.

Haruhi told them she needed to go to the restroom, but stayed for a very long time to make sure they knew their instructions and wouldn't ruin the food or burn the kitchen down.

"We'll be fine," they told her for about the fifth time.

"You're only going to be gone for a couple minutes," Hikaru pointed out.

"And we're not that incompetent," Kaoru assured her, rolling his eyes.

If anything, that last comment made Haruhi even more leery to leave the two alone for a moment.

"Go on, before you pee your pants!" said Hikaru, giving her a push. He was very careful not to push too hard.

"The sooner you leave, the sooner you get back," Kaoru told her, standing at the doorway and bowing her out with a gallant gesture.

With a last, worried look at the boys, Haruhi ran to the restroom. The two of them stood in the kitchen doorway, watching her go.

As the restroom door closed behind her, Hikaru said, "Hey Kaoru?"

"Yes?" asked Kaoru. Neither took their eyes off the restroom door.

"Did you think we'd ever have this much fun with somebody else?" Hikaru asked with a contented smile.

"Nope," Kaoru answered, smiling as contentedly.

"I mean, we're not even using her as our toy!" Hikaru mused disbelievingly. "Have you ever thought we'd have fun with someone who wasn't our toy?"

"Nope," Kaoru repeated.

"We have fun with our king, but that's mostly because we like to torture him," Hikaru continued.

"True," Kaoru agreed. He smiled at Hikaru, liking where this was going.

"Hunny-senpai and Mori-senpai are fun to be around, but not nearly this much fun," Hikaru said.

"Again, true," Kaoru said. He looked back at the restroom door, but snuck glances at his brother out of the corner of his eye. Hikaru's eyes never wavered from where Haruhi had just been.

"Kyoya-senpai isn't fun, unless he's helping us torment Milord, but that doesn't happen very often," Hikaru observed.

"No, it doesn't," Kaoru said.

"And the girls we host are only fun as an audience for our act. I don't think I'd like to hang out with any of them just the three of us," Hikaru continued.

"Agreed," Kaoru said. His smile widened, but Hikaru, lost in his own thoughts, didn't notice.

"Kaoru?" Hikaru asked.

"Yes?" Kaoru replied.

Hikaru looked at his brother then. "I think we should keep her!" he said, smiling.

"I think so, too!" Kaoru said, also smiling. The two each wrapped an arm around the other's waist and they turned back to watching the restroom door.

A minute later, Haruhi emerged. When she saw them staring at her, she gave them a wary look.

"What?" she asked them.

"Nothing!" they replied together, smiling.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Despite her wonderful companions and the delicious meal (the twins had managed to burn some of it when she was in the restroom, but not by much), Haruhi still felt awful. Just like at school, she had periods where she could forget she was broken and just have fun. Just like at school, the cause of her moments of happiness were Hikaru and Kaoru. She enjoyed being around her rays of sunshine. Yet, she had to fight the feelings of worthlessness and brokenness that threatened to overcome her despite their warmth and friendship. As the meal wore on, Haruhi had a harder and harder time hiding her distress. Every time one of the boys touched her, whether to pass her some food or ruffle her hair, she flinched. It wasn't that she didn't want to be touched, or at least, not exactly. What made her flinch was that she felt horribly, disgustingly filthy. Yes, she had taken a bath last night and, yes, she had washed her hands before she cooked the meal, but that didn't matter. It wasn't rational feeling, she knew, but that didn't stop her from wondering how they could touch her when she was so dirty and foul. They should have been nauseated by her mere presence, like she was a walking garbage can. She mentally shook her head. Not a garbage can. Like she was a restroom floor that hadn't been swept or mopped in years, and was covered in the dirt, excrement, urine, vomit, and slime (and shards of a broken vase, of course). This feeling had been with her every moment since the attack, but she had sometimes been able to shove it to the back of her mind. During her fleeting moments of happiness she could almost believe it wasn't there at all. During the dark moments - and most moments since the attack were dark moments - she had had a myriad of soul-crushing thoughts and emotions running through her: fear, shame, pain (physical and otherwise), guilt, nothingness, worthlessness, and, of course, the ever present image of that damn vase. The feeling of filth had always been in the mix, she now realized. It just hadn't been at the forefront except when she had cleaned her room so thoroughly the day after she returned home. It was at the forefront now, though the rest of the dark thoughts and emotions were just behind it and getting more powerful with every passing moment.

By the end of the meal, she could feel the darkness start to overtake her and she was too tired to fight it or hide it anymore. Haruhi knew she had to get out of there and _now_!

Before she could say anything (not that she could say anything over the lump that was starting to form in her throat), Hikaru piped up, "Hey, Haruhi, that was delicious! How about you make us some dessert? I think I'm in the mood for brownies, what about you, Kaoru?"

Though Haruhi was looking at the table, she felt Kaoru's eyes on her. She knew that Kaoru was more observant of other people than his brother. He had apparently caught on to Haruhi's distress - to some extent at least - and quickly said, "Brownies take a long time to bake, Hika, and I think it's time Haruhi went home. We can't keep her here all night."

"Aww," complained Hikaru.

It sounded as if he was going to argue against her leaving yet, so Haruhi affected a yawn and rubbed her eyes as if she was tired. (She also hoped that the eye rubbing would cover for the fact that her eyes were starting to get red and puffy.) Concentrating hard on her act and pushing the dark thoughts (and the lump in her throat) away, she said tiredly, "Sorry, Hikaru, but he's right. I need to go to bed."

"In her own bed in her own house," Kaoru added firmly, apparently knowing what his brother was going to suggest before he suggested it.

"Alright," Hikaru capitulated. "I have to go to the restroom," he said, standing up. "Don't leave until I get back, Haruhi."

Haruhi affected to be half asleep, and just nodded in response. After Hikaru left, she felt Kaoru's eyes on her and knew that she needed to get moving. She took a drink of water to steady herself and clear her throat so she wouldn't sound like she was about to cry.

As she drank her water, Kaoru asked, "You're not that tired, are you? You just want to go home." He didn't sound accusing, just that he wanted to confirm his suspicion.

"Yes," Haruhi said, putting down her water glass and giving him a small smile. "Thank you for playing along. I like hanging out with you guys, but I really do need to get home, and I didn't want to have to argue with Hikaru."

Kaoru nodded and stood up. Haruhi followed suit and started gathering up the dishes. Gesturing for her to stop, Kaoru said, "Don't worry about cleaning up, the maids will take care of it."

Haruhi just shook her head in wonder. She certainly wasn't used to anyone cleaning up her messes for her. It felt unnatural. Yet, she wasn't up for arguing, and simply put down the dishes. Unfortunately, she had a fleeting thought of accidentally dropping and breaking them, which brought along with it the cursed, ever present mental image she tried so hard to fight down.

 _Shattered vase._

"You said that in the car on our way to Kyoya-senpai's house from the beach," Kaoru said. "Are you worried about that vase you broke? 'Cuz it's okay. No one but Kyoya really pays attention to your debt, and you're working it off anyhow."

Haruhi opened her eyes and looked at him, embarrassed. She hadn't realized she had said those words out loud. "Yeah," she replied, thinking quickly. "I guess I just have this fear that I'll break another one." She took a deep breath, coming up with an excuse she could use both now with Kaoru and later if Kyoya or anyone else questioned her about her aversion to vases. "That's why I sent Kyoya-senpai the vases the girls gave me. I know it's unlikely I'll break another one, but as they say, once burned, twice shy. Anyhow, I was just thinking about that now when I was looking at your nice dishes. I'm glad your maids will clean them up. I didn't want to risk accidentally breaking them." _'Breaking them like I'm broken,'_ she thought, making absolutely sure that she didn't say it out loud by mistake.

Kaoru just looked at her for a moment. "Haruhi?" he finally asked.

"Yeah?" she asked, his sudden seriousness making her nervous.

"You know you're my best friend. Mine and Hikaru's. You know that, right?" he asked her soberly.

Haruhi's face reddened. Her thoughts earlier today about lying to them by hiding how broken and worthless she really was came back to her and she felt guilty. Looking at the floor she said, "I thought Tamaki-senpai was your best friend."

"Milord is a great friend, and we owe him a lot for bringing us into the host club, but he can't tell us apart the way you can," he told her. "No one else can do that. You're one-of-a-kind, Haruhi."

Haruhi continued to look at the floor, glad that her bangs were hiding her eyes. Guilt and shame filled her. He shouldn't be complimenting her. She was broken, filthy trash now. She wasn't worthy of compliments or of the twins' friendship.

"Hey," Kaoru said, taking one of her hands in his. "Remember when you first joined the host club and that girl Ayanokoji started bullying you? She threw your books in the pond and tried to tell us you were being a brute and making disgusting suggestions to her?"

Haruhi nodded, still looking at the floor. Oddly, her hand in his didn't feel dirty. The contact actually felt the same as when Kyoya had held her hand that afternoon. It was warm and comforting and cleansing, like slipping into a warm bath. The feeling started in her hand and spread quickly throughout her whole body. She didn't understand it, but she wasn't complaining.

As his touch started to calm and soothe her, Kaoru said, "We knew she was lying, because we knew who you were. You were - are - smart, cute, observant, fun, courageous, true to yourself, a natural host, a crusader, intelligent, kind, and an all-around good person."

Haruhi's face reddened further, though this time not in guilt or shame. This time, she blushed in both pleasure and embarrassment. Kaoru's sunshine was starting to warm her heart.

He gently pulled her to him and lifted her face to meet his gaze. "No matter what anyone says about you, Haruhi, no matter what anyone _does to you_ ," he emphasized those last words, "we know who you are. You are our friend. Hikaru's and my _best_ friend. And no idiot girl or drunken scumbag will ever change that."

Haruhi looked at him, tears in her eyes. Was it true, what he said? She looked at his sweet, serious face and knew it was. She wasn't the type to break down in front of others, or to reach for others in times of need. She was too independent for that. Yet now she whispered, "Oh, Kaoru," and buried her face in his chest, letting the tears flow. To her relief, she didn't freak out when she felt him put his arms around her. Instead, she just felt his warmth completely filled her. Like sunshine. Just like sunshine.

"Hey, what's going on?" asked a worried voice that Haruhi recognized as Hikaru's.

She looked up at him and smiled. As he came closer, she whispered, "Hikaru," and held her hand out to him. He took it and wrapped his arms around her and his twin both. He kissed the top of her head, and Haruhi knew he felt the same way about her that Kaoru did. Her two rays of sunshine. As she cried in their caring arms, she thought her heart would burst.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

 **A/n: the hand-holding phenomenon is something I've experienced in my life several times but can't explain. The first time was when a senile resident of the nursing facility I worked at held my hand and started babbling nonsense. I didn't know him and didn't know what he was talking about, but he sounded earnest and sincere. I felt like my whole body and mind was receiving a massage, a bath, and a declaration of love all in one. It was incredibly intense and completely unexpected. Another time was when a practicitioner of Reiki held my hand and did it deliberately as a demonstration of what Reiki is. It was less intense than with the senile old man, but I still felt like I was slipping into a warm, cleansing bath (though I have had another Reiki practictioner try Reiki a couple times on me and nothing happened). It has happened several other times, all at random, with family members or old boyfriends, but oddly never has it been as intense as with the old man. I thought with all the pain I'm putting poor Haruhi through I'd let her experience something nice (though it's a little disconcerting at first).**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Ranka took off work that night an hour and a half early. He knew Haruhi wouldn't want him to, but he had to see his baby and make sure she was alright.

When he arrived home, he found his daughter in her pajamas, sitting on the living room floor and drinking a steaming cup of hot chocolate. She looked up at him, and he felt immensely relieved. He could tell she had been crying, but she was calm and smiling now, too. It was a soft, genuine smile. The first genuine smile he had seen on her face since the incident a little over a week ago.

"Hi, Dad. You're home early." she greeted him. She didn't chide him for coming home so soon, which surprised him. She just kept that calm smile on her face. He smiled back.

Setting down his stuff, he sat across the living room table from her. "I wanted to catch you before you went to bed and ask how your day went," he explained. "You seem to be feeling better."

Haruhi inhaled some steam from her mug and said, "Yeah, I am. I had an up-and-down day, but it ended on a good note. I'm so glad I have Hikaru and Kaoru as friends. Everyone else, too, but it was Hikaru and Kaoru who cheered me up the most."

"That's wonderful," Ranka said, genuinely happy. He made himself some hot chocolate and sat back down next to Haruhi. He asked Haruhi several questions about her day, but Haruhi as always was vague. She never wanted to talk about herself, so he had to get most of his information about her school life from Kyoya. At the moment, all she would say was that she got all her homework done and tutored the Hitachiin twins at their house. As they talked, Ranka wondered if this was the time to bring up Haruhi seeing a doctor. He was still worried she had injuries she didn't detect, an STD, or - god forbid - she was pregnant. In retrospect he should have insisted she get the morning-after pill, but he hadn't wanted to push her in her fragile mental state. At any rate, he debated whether now was a good time to bring up her seeing a doctor. Haruhi was actually feeling good for once, and he didn't want to ruin that, but he was her father and her health was his responsibility.

Haruhi went to the kitchen and washed out her mug. Afterwards, she kissed Ranka on the forehead and said, "I'm going to bed now, Dad. Goodnight."

"Haruhi, wait a minute," Ranka said. Haruhi stopped, looking at him curiously. "Please, sit down," Ranka asked, gesturing to where Haruhi had sat before.

Haruhi sat back down, her expression turning from curious to wary. "Yeah, Dad?" she asked in trepidation.

Ranka hated seeing her like that, especially after she had been smiling earlier. He wondered how to broach the topic. He thought about what she said regarding the Hitachiin twins and an idea occured to him. "I want you to get on birth control," he said.

"What?!" Haruhi blurted, obviously astonished.

"Yes," said Ranka, growing more confident in his plan. "You're hanging around the Hitachiin boys, and I want to make sure that if anything happens, you're protected." It wasn't wholly a lie. He did want to make sure that if she wasn't already pregnant, that she didn't get pregnant no matter what she did.

"Dad, we're just friends," Haruhi assured him. "I don't need birth control."

"You may be just friends now, but that may change. And if not with them, well, you're hanging around a lot of teenage boys. I know you're a smart girl, Haruhi, but I also remember what it's like to be a teenager myself. Teenagers sometimes do dumb things," Ranka explained.

"I won't!" Haruhi protested. "I won't jeopardize my chance of becoming a lawyer! I won't risk losing my scholarship to Ouran!"

"And what if you're raped?" asked Ranka quietly.

Haruhi froze. She stopped breathing and tears formed in her eyes. The sight tore Ranka's heart. He went to put an arm around her but she flinched and moved away. Ranka put his arm down.

"Haruhi, it would greatly ease my mind if you were on birth control. I'm taking you to a gynocologist. She'll give you an exam and make sure everything's okay with you, then-" Ranka started, but was cut off.

"Make sure everything's okay with me? You just want me to see a doctor after. . . after I got beat up! I told you, I'm fine!" Haruhi practically yelled, tears spilling from her eyes.

"Haruhi!" Ranka rebuked her in a loud, firm voice. He decided to forgo his pretense and be straight with her. "You NEED to see a doctor. I NEED to know that you're alright. I told you that I would give you some time before making you see one, but that you WOULD see one! And you ARE getting on birth control. I know you're independent, but I WILL go with you to the appointment. No excuses. Am I clear?"

Haruhi gaped at him in surprise. He almost never put his foot down like this. "Okay," she aquiesced. Then she said, "But I don't want to go to a doctor's office owned by the Ohtoris."

"I understand. I'll find one that isn't," he assured her.

She nodded and stood up. "Anything else, Dad?" she asked.

Ranka stood up, too. "Just that I love you, sweetie," he said. He almost went to hug her, but her tense demeanor let him know she wouldn't be receptive to it.

"I love you, too, Dad," Haruhi said in a small voice, then went to her room and closed the door.

Ranka sighed. At least she was going to a doctor. He looked at the shrine for his late wife, wishing more than ever that she was still alive. "Help me, Kotoko," he prayed silently. "Help our little girl."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The next morning, Mori pulled up in front of Haruhi's place and exited the car without waiting for his driver to open his door. He had never been to a commoner's dwelling before and had been surprised at how large the building was and how many doors there were. It was only when he saw other families going in and out of the doors that he remembered seeing apartment buildings on TV and realized that that was what this was. He felt a little foolish for not knowing sooner. Then again, Haruhi's world was just as foreign to him as any distant country. He doubted he'd know on site what type of dwellings people lived in in the Ukraine or Venezuela or Mozambique, regardless of whether he'd seen them on TV.

As he stood there trying to decide which door was Haruhi's, his driver walked up to him, pointed to a door on the second floor, and asked, "Sir, would you like to wait here while I go to apartment 203 and retrieve Miss Fujioka?"

Mori was grateful for his driver's delicacy in not making him ask which apartment was Haruhi's. He shook his head and walked up to knock on the door himself.

Haruhi opened the door and said in surprise, "Oh, Mori-senpai! I didn't expect to see you here."

"Kyoya asked me to escort you to school," Mori said simply. The sight of his small friend made Mori's heart hurt. She looked wan and listless, with bags under her eyes. Though she tried to hide it, Mori could tell she'd been crying.

"Oh," replied Haruhi. She lowered her face so her hair covered her eyes, and she didn't look at him as she reached for her schoolbag that was next to the door.

Mori got a whiff of pine cleaner and bleach. She must have just cleaned her apartment for the smell to be that strong. He wondered why she was cleaning her apartment so thoroughly this early in the morning. Surely she should be spending her morning eating breakfast and getting ready for school. _'Unless she skipped breakfast,'_ he thought. He looked at her haggard appearance again. _'Unless she didn't sleep at all and cleaned instead.'_

He moved out of the way as Haruhi stepped out of her apartment and locked the door behind her. She said in a tired voice, "I guess Kyoya was too tired to come get me himself. Going out of his way to pick me up must mean he'd have to get up earlier, and I know he hates that."

"Yeah," agreed Mori. Neither of them said anything more as they descended the stairs and got into the car. Mori watched Haruhi out of the corner of his eye as they traveled to school. She seemed not only tired, but also nervous and depressed. He wanted to put an arm around her and comfort her, but didn't think she'd be receptive to that. He tried to think of what he could do to make her feel better.

"Mori-senpai?" she asked, her eyes on her hands.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Thank you for picking me up. You didn't have to, you know. I'm sure you have other things you'd rather be doing in the morning than going out of your way to get me," she said quietly.

Mori could tell that she wasn't speaking out of a normal sense of etiquitte. She really, truly didn't think she was worth his trouble. He turned to look at her fully. "No, there isn't," he said. She looked up at him in surprise, then back down. "You're my friend," he explained. Haruhi flinched and closed her eyes as if he had just reproached her for doing something she knew was wrong. It was the same reaction she showed yesterday when he and Mitskuni had called her brave. He didn't understand why. Did she think he and Mitskuni were lying? She should know them better than that.

A thought occured to him. When he and his cousin were first years in high school, Mitskuni had denied himself sweets and all things cute in a misguided attempt to make himself strong. Mori could see that it was killing his cousin to do so, but he didn't know what to say or do to help him. Everyone praised Mori for how well he looked out for Mitskuni, and he knew they meant their compliments. Yet, Mori knew that in truth he wasn't doing Mitskuni any good, so he felt that their compliments were instead a condemnation. Etiquiette dictated he couldn't tell them that, of course, so he just thanked them and kept his shame to himself. Right now, Haruhi looked like she was doing the same thing.

"Haruhi," he said. Again, she looked up at him in surprise, and no wonder. He rarely called her by name. "Remember the jungle resort?" She looked down and nodded. On the host club's last vacation, they had gone to an indoor resort designed like a jungle, and Mitskuni had been swept away by a strong current in the river-like pool. Mori had been mad with worry and had gone looking for him. Haruhi had known what Mori was feeling and comforted him, then went with him to find Mitskuni. She showed she was more observant, compassionate, and caring than anyone he had ever met outside his family. He continued, "You were there for me. Now I am here for you."

Haruhi still didn't look at him, but she raised her head slightly and her mouth hung open. Then she turned her face away and discreetly wiped at her eyes. After a moment she said, "I wasn't there for you. I got caught in the large jungle plants and you had to carry me. Then you had to protect me from Kyoya's police force when there was a misunderstanding. I was a liability to you. I just caused you trouble." She paused. "I still do."

Mori was never good with words. He wanted to express to her just what she meant to him, yet all he could think about was how she was like a kitten snuggled up in his heart, and he didn't think she would appreciate the metaphor. While he was thinking of what to say, the car pulled up to the school and Haruhi quickly got out, half running towards the school entrance. Mori grabbed his schoolbag and caught up to her, thanking the fact that his legs were so much longer than hers. He touched her arm and she stopped, though she didn't look at him. Instead, her head was down and her eyes were hidden behind her hair.

"Haruhi," Mori said, "you're _not_ a liability."

A bright voice came at them from a little way off. "Takashi! Haru-chan!" cried Hunny as he skipped towards them.

Haruhi didn't wait for him to approach. Instead, she nodded at Mori with her face still down and took off as quickly as she could without actually running. Mori watched her go with a heavy heart, feeling even more helpless than he had that first year in high school. He wondered if, as with Mitskuni, someone wiser and better with words than himself could come and guide his friend out of darkness.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Haruhi ran to the nearest unisex bathroom and locked the door behind her. She felt so tired. Tired and useless and filthy and ripped apart and worthless and . . .

 _Shattered_

Always and forever

 _Shattered_

She couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't keep up the façade. She couldn't pretend to be anything but worthless anymore, especially to her friends. She had to start avoiding them.

Well, maybe not Hikaru and Kaoru. They were her rays of sunshine. She felt a small ray of that sunshine in her heart as she thought of them. She thought of what Kaoru had said yesterday, that no matter what anyone said about her or did to her, she would always be their best friend. That showed Haruhi that he really, truly cared about her for herself, and no outside force could change that. Haruhi knew that Hikaru felt the same way; he just didn't express himself as well as his brother did.

Haruhi never had anyone feel that way about her before. Well, her dad, of course, and her mom before she died, but no one who wasn't family. Now she had two people like that. Two people who weren't related to her and who didn't owe her anything, yet who picked her out of the mass of humanity, saw her for who she was, and chose to love her. She thought about that moment with them, sandwiched between them in a hug that wasn't merely playful the way most of their hugs were, but instead was heartfelt, comforting, and sincere. She thought about that, and she felt the ray of sunshine in her heart grow. She felt the love overpower the darkness within her, and she thought that maybe she wasn't shattered and worthless after all.

She splashed water on her face and dried it off. She looked in the mirror and saw that despite how worn and tired she looked, she had a small smile on her face. A few minutes ago she had been drowning in dark thoughts, but thinking about her rays of sunshine had made her feel better. She was so happy that she was going to see them in class today.

She left the bathroom and to her surprise found Hunny and Mori standing outside waiting for her.

"Um, hi, Hunny-senpai, Mori-senpai. Aren't you two going to be late for class?" asked Haruhi warily.

Hunny held his stuffed bunny in the crook of his arm and took Haruhi's hands in both of his. "We just wanted to ask if you'd have lunch with us, Haru-chan," he said with his usual childlike smile. "Just you, me, and Takeshi! We can eat outside under the sakura trees!"

Haruhi felt his small hands in hers and the weird feeling of warmth and cleansing that she had felt with Kyoya and Kaoru spread up her arms and into the rest of her body. Somehow it felt even stronger coming from him. Maybe it was getting stronger with each person. Maybe it was stronger because she was already feeling warmth from remembering that moment with the twins. Maybe it had something to do with Hunny himself. Haruhi didn't know. All she knew was that she felt suddenly relaxed and ready for bed, as if she had just taken a warm bath. Her mind was fogged and it took her a moment to register what Hunny said.

"Uh, yeah. Yes, Hunny-senpai, Mori-senpai. I'll have lunch with you," she said, shaking her head slightly to clear it.

Hunny looked at her, obviously concerned with her delayed response and odd behavior. After a moment, though, he put on his cherubic smile and said, "Thanks, Haru-chan. We'll see you at lunch!" They both waved at her and walked away.

"Bye," said Haruhi, waving back. She walked to her own class, staring at her hands and wondering why they felt the way they did. _'At least now I know I'm not in love with Kyoya-senpai,'_ she thought, since she now knew the feeling was not restricted to him alone. Her thoughts turned to Hunny and Mori. Why had they asked her to lunch, just the three of them? Haruhi didn't think it could be anything bad since Hunny was smiling when he issued the invitation, yet it made her apprehensive. What was going on? Normally if they ate lunch with her, it was in the company of the entire Host Club. Yet, nothing in her life was normal now. She walked into the classroom and saw her two red-haired rays of sunshine. They glomped all over her with a laugh, and Haruhi, to her relief, didn't freak out. In fact, she actually enjoyed it. _'Nothing in my life is normal now,'_ she thought, _'but this, at least, is even better!'_

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o


	10. Chapter 10

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 **A/n: for some reason the ambersand ("and" symbol) shows up on the document manager but not on the published work (that kind of thing happens a lot on FF for some reason). So if you wonder why I wrote "and" where the ambersand is normally used, that's why.**

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Haruhi declined the twins' offer to eat lunch with them and instead sat under a sakura tree waiting for Hunny and Mori. They had to wait in line to buy hot lunches, and so she had a couple minutes to herself. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, a light breeze was blowing, and the grass beneath her was soft. She deliberately chose a spot away from the other students, and the solitude was relaxing. She leaned her head back against the tree, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. For half a second she felt completely at peace. Then a spot on her head scratched against the tree trunk, and she had a flash of scratching that same spot on the cave floor. Suddenly the memory crashed over Haruhi in full force, and she felt exactly as she had in that second of time: her head thrashing back and forth, her arms held in front of her, trying to push the attacker away, her forearms squeezed in his vice-like grip, her body immobilized by his weight, her heart pounding in her ears, her breath coming out in gasps as she tried unsuccessfully to scream, her vision blurring as if to deny the reality of what was happening, her feelings of shock, helplessness, and surreality. . .

"Haru-chan!" came Hunny's voice from a little way off as he spotted her.

Haruhi returned back to reality, and realized her heart was pounding and she was gasping for breath. She steadied herself and took a long drink from her water bottle as Hunny and Mori came up to her carrying their lunch trays and, in Hunny's case, his stuffed bunny.

"How are you, Haru-chan?" asked Hunny brightly as he and Mori sat on the ground in front of her.

Haruhi gestured for him to wait a minute whimle she continued drinking. She needed time to recover from her flashback before speaking. When she felt ready, she put down her water bottle, wiped at her mouth, and said, "I'm good, Hunny-senpai. Just thirsty. How are you two?"

"We're good, Haru-chan," replied Hunny happily. Mori made a noise of agreement. After that, the three engaged in idle conversation about their classes, the host club, the weather, and other light topics. Haruhi was itching to know the reason they invited her out here, but was too apprehensive to ask.

Finally as they finished their lunch (Haruhi, as always, wondering how Hunny could eat as much cake as he had), Hunny set aside his tray and looked at Haruhi with a somber expression. His demeanor was no longer that of a cutesy loli-boy. Instead, he came across as the mature young adult he was. The transition startled Haruhi, as she had rarely seen this side of him before.

"Haru-chan, are you okay?" he asked seriously.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I already told you I'm good," Haruhi answered, a little flustered.

"No, I don't mean in a polite conversation kind of way, I mean in a real way," Hunny said. "I'm asking you, Haru-chan, are you okay? You've been acting different since that day at the beach. You've been depressed, nervous, spacing out, crying. . . You're pale, and you look like you haven't been getting much sleep. We're worried about you, Haru-chan. All of us in the host club. Takashi said you even think you're a liability." He took her hands in both of his, and the feeling of warmth, cleansing, and relaxation spread over Haruhi, as did the fogging of her mind. Her eyes welled up with tears. "Please, Haru-chan," Hunny implored, "talk to us. How are you feeling? How can we help?"

It felt like a flood of emotions suddenly burst from a dam and poured out of Haruhi. She started to cry and couldn't stop. Both Mori and Hunny were by her side in an instant, holding her. She felt warmth and comfort in her friends' arms. Before she knew it, words were spilling out of her mouth. "I feel b-broken, so broken," she sobbed. "Like that vase. Before that day, I was fine! I was s-smart and happy and I loved my life. But now I'm just b-broken." She paused as the sobs overtook her, then continued, "I see m-myself as little shards of-of a broken vase. I'm no good anymore. I'm n-nothing now. I'm dirty, like a vase that fell on a dirty floor. Each p-piece of me is shattered and mixed in with the dirt and t-trash on the floor. I used to be useful. I used to be able to h-hold beauty. I mean, a vase holds beauty when it holds f-flowers. But a broken vase can't do that. It's useless. N-now I'm useless. I c-can't do anything anymore. I feel h-him on me. I feel his body, h-his hands, his breath. I hear his laugh and the sounds he made when he-" She cut off realizing she was about to say too much. They thought she had just been beaten up. Should she tell them the truth? She couldn't decide, so she just continued sobbing.

"When he raped you?" whispered Hunny.

Haruhi's breath caught and she looked up at him in surprise. Hunny just looked at her with sad, compassionate eyes. Haruhi looked over to Mori, and he had the same expression.

"Y-you, you know?" Haruhi managed to get out. Mori nodded.

"We figured it out at the beach, Haru-chan. I found your. . . clothing discarded in the cave. Takashi figured it out himself. He saw that your behavior wasn't right for someone who'd only been beaten up. He thought you acted more like a rape survivor on a TV show," Hunny explained gently.

"You found my clothing?" asked Haruhi, confused. "What clo-" she cut off as she remembered how she had left her bra and underwear in the cave. "Oh god, how embarrassing!" she cried, breaking down again.

Mori and Hunny held her tighter and Hunny quickly said, "No, no don't be embarrassed, Haru-chan! You did nothing wrong! This wasn't a normal situation. It's not your fault! We didn't really see it as your clothing anymore. It was evidence of a crime. That's all. Just as if someone broke into your house and broke a window. You wouldn't be embarrassed if someone saw the broken glass."

While her underthings weren't the same as a broken window, thinking of them as evidence of a crime rather than her delicates made Haruhi feel better. She decided to not worry about her guy friends seeing them. It was the lesser embarrassment in any case; there was still a much greater one.

Haruhi cried, "But you know! You know! It's humiliating! I d-didn't see a d-doctor because I didn't want anyone to find out. I've b-been trying to hard to keep anyone from finding out. But you know! You know I'm filthy! You know I'm disgusting. I'm a-an Oreo with the cream licked off by a stranger. I'm broken piece of pottery. I'm worthless!"

"No, you're not," said Mori in a strong, firm voice, sending Haruhi into stunned silence. She hadn't expected him to say anything since he was normally so stoic. Mori cupped her face in both of his hands and lifted it to face his. He said, "You're not worthless, Haruhi. You are an amazing woman. You've suffered and gone through a horrible trial, but you're strong and you'll persevere. You'll come out the other side better for it."

"You, you really think so?" Haruhi said in a small voice.

"I know so," Mori said with conviction.

"You are amazing, Haru-chan," agreed Hunny. Mori let go of her face so she could look at Hunny. He still had his arms around her, but was leaning back to look her in the eyes. "We've known that since the day we met you. You're clean and bright and beautiful. No one can change that. We know that. We're here for you. We'll help you get through this. Because we love you, Haru-chan. No one can change that no matter what they do to you. _No one can change that!_ "

"Oh," Haruhi breathed. Their words hit her with the sound of deep, undeniable truth. Clean and bright and beautiful. Amazing and strong. Persevere and be better for it.

Haruhi closed her eyes as a tightness in her chest she didn't even know was there loosened. She let out a long breath and fell into Mori's chest, letting her body relax.

"Thank you. Thank you both," she said softly.

"You're welcome," Mori said. Haruhi felt his deep voice rumble in his chest as he held her close. Hunny just rubbed her back.

Haruhi let herself stay like that for only a minute before sitting up and wiping her eyes. "We better get back to class," she said.

"We don't have to," Hunny told her. "Your dad called and told the school he was picking you up after lunch to go to a doctor's appointment. I asked if Takashi and I could stay with you until he got here since you weren't feeling well and they said we could. Your dad should arrive in. . ." he looked at his watch, "about twenty minutes."

Haruhi looked at her watch, too. "By that time your class will be almost over," she pointed out. "You skipped class for me?"

"Yep," said Hunny. "Don't worry, Haru-chan. We'll go to our other classes after that." Mori made a noise of agreement.

"But you two are at the top of your class! You can't skip class because of me. I'm not worth-" Haruhi protested but was cut off by Hunny's finger over her mouth.

"You _are_ worth it, Haru-chan. You're our friend. You're worth more than a class," Hunny assured her.

"And more than any vase," Mori added.

Haruhi looked at him, startled. "More than any vase," she whispered contemplatively.

"Yep!" agreed Hunny with a smile. "$80,000? That's nothing compared to you!"

Haruhi laughed. "Tell that to Kyoya-senpai!" she joked. The others laughed, too.

Haruhi leaned back into Mori, who obligingly wrapped his arms around her. Haruhi reached out and took Hunny's hand. There was no mind-fuzzying effect from their hand hold this time, but it did feel good.

After a second, Hunny said, "Uh, Haru-chan?"

"Yeah?" she asked, tilting her head away from Mori's chest so she could hear Hunny better.

"If you don't mind my asking, aren't you afraid of being touched?" Hunny asked.

Haruhi sat up a little straighter, looking at Hunny in confusion. "Afraid of being touched? No," she answered, with a nod to Mori's arms still around her and a squeeze of Hunny's hand. Then she thought of her crazy-psycho reaction to Tamaki's hug yesterday and her face went red in embarrassment and remembered fear. "Are you talking about when I freaked out when Tamaki-senpai hugged me? Yeah, that wasn't like me. I don't know. I mean, when he squeezed me like that and spun me around, I just felt out of control and scared. I know it sounds stupid. Tamaki-senpai isn't a bad guy and wouldn't do anything to hurt me, but. . ." she trailed off.

Mori and Hunny both nodded. Hunny said, "That's not what I meant. I'm not surprised you got scared when Tamaki did that after what you went through. What I am surprised about is you let anyone touch you at all. From what I understand, most rape survivors don't even feel comfortable with a friendly hug, even from their friends or family members. They don't like being touched at all, since they associate touch with pain and danger."

Haruhi thought about it for a minute, then shrugged with embarrassment. "It's not so much pain and danger I fear, I just don't like being touched sometimes because I feel so dirty," she said, then held up a hand to forestall them saying anything. "I know you say I'm clean and bright and beautiful, and that made me feel a whole lot better, Hunny-senpai, but that's how I've been feeling since. . ." she trailed off, swallowed, then started again. "I think it's going to take a while for me to ever truly feel clean again. Though," she smiled and leaned out of Mori's arms to give Hunny a hug, "you really did help me a lot when you said what you did! I feel a lot cleaner now, if that makes any sense. Thank you." She pulled away, her eyes wet with tears. She looked up at Mori. "And what you said helped me a lot, too, Mori-senpai. I don't feel particularly strong right now, but I feel a little stronger than before. Like you said, I'll persevere and get through this eventually." She gave him a hug, too, and tried not to start all-out crying again in his arms.

"Um, Haru-chan," Hunny said hesitantly. Haruhi looked at him, and noticed with surprise that he was looking at his hands and fidgeting. "If you're not scared of being touched, then do you _like_ it? I mean, do you feel. . . are you. . ." he trailed off, apparently not knowing how to say what he wanted to say.

"Promiscuous?" asked Mori in his deep voice.

"Promiscuous?" asked Haruhi, baffled.

"Well, you see, Haru-chan. . ." Hunny tried once again to form a coherent sentence, but trailed off, seeming to get more uncomfortable by the second.

Mori was less reticent, and explained, "We heard that a rape survivor can go a few ways after an assault. Most become afraid of being touched due to the danger. Others develop a need to have sex frequently as a way to take back control over their bodies. Some from that group, for whatever reason, develop a need for-" he cut off as he, too, became uncomfortable. He looked away from Haruhi, took a deep breath, and continued, "Rough sex. S and M." He looked at Haruhi and saw that she didn't understand, so he elaborated, "Sadism and masochism. Sadism is when you like to cause pain. Masochism is when you like to be hurt. People who are into S and M get sexual pleasure from causing or receiving pain." He looked away again as he continued, "Sometimes, rape survivors crave S and M."

Haruhi gaped at the two of them. "Are you asking if I'm into S and M?" she asked, horrified at the thought.

"Not just S and M, Haru-chan," Hunny jumped in quickly. His face was beet red and he couldn't look at her. "We want to know if you, uh, crave, um, any type of, you know." He looked back at her, waving his hands in obvious discomfort and a desire for her not to misunderstand. "We're not judging or anything. It's a psychological phenomenon that's not your fault or anything. We just want you to be safe. Sometimes people who go through this aren't very safe in, um, fulfilling their cravings."

"Well, you don't have to worry about me," Haruhi said, also beet red and flustered. "I may not mind being touched but I certainly don't crave. . .that! Not any type of. . . that!" The thought made her shudder. "I guess I'm not like most other, um, survivors."

"Good," said Hunny, letting out a breath of relief. Mori did the same.

"Wait, where did you get your information?" asked Haruhi slowly.

"Cop and lawyer dramas mostly," replied Hunny. "And fanfics."

"Fanfics?" asked Haruhi, blinking in surprise.

Hunny looked sheepish. He admitted, "I like fanfics. Though I don't normally like ones that deal with mature subjects like rape."

"If you don't like them, then why did you read them?" asked Haruhi. "Is it because of what happened to me?" Both boys nodded. Haruhi didn't know what to say. "Um, thank you?" she finally said, though it came out more of a question.

Hunny smiled a little at her. He said, "We wanted to know how to help you, Haru-chan. And it's easier to watch or read about this stuff when it's fiction and not real. Kyo-chan is the one to go to for professional research. He-"

"He knows?!" blurted Haruhi, aghast.

"I didn't say that!" replied Hunny quickly. "I just meant that he's from a medical family, and knows where to look for reliable medical and psychological research."

"But does he know?" insisted Haruhi. "You guys figured it out. Did he?"

Hunny and Mori traded looks, before Hunny reluctantly nodded.

"Who else knows?" demanded Haruhi, in rising anxiety. God, she had wanted so much for nobody to know, and now it sounded like the whole world did!

"I know," came a quiet voice from behind a tree. The three looked up to see a familiar face come out of hiding and walk towards them.

"Kaoru?" asked Haruhi in a whisper.

"Hey, Haruhi," Kaoru said as he stopped in front of them. He was staring at his feet and digging the toe of his foot in the ground uncomfortably.

"What are you doing out here?" asked Haruhi.

"I, uh, well," he said, bumbling his words. Then he sat down on the grass in front of her and looked at her. "Ah, hell, Haru, Hika and I were worried about you when you didn't come to class, so we told the teacher we had to go to the restroom and split up to find you. We knew you were meeting these two here for lunch, so I decided to check here first. When I saw you, I texted Hika to tell him you were ok. I was going to tell him where you were but when I heard what you three were talking about I figured you wouldn't want him here to hear this, so I just told him you were with Hunny-senpai and Mori-senpai and we should leave you alone for now."

"So does Hikaru know, too?" asked Haruhi, closing her eyes and bracing herself.

"No. I think he would have told me if he figured it out," Kaoru assured her.

That was a small relief to Haruhi. She opened her eyes and asked Kaoru, "How long have you been listening to us?"

"Since they asked you if you were afraid of being touched," he answered, a light blush spreading across his cheeks.

"So you heard the whole thing about. . ." she trailed off.

"The S and M thing?" Kaoru asked, getting even redder. "Yeah."

Haruhi closed her eyes again, buried herself in Mori's arms, and said under her breath, "God, that's humiliating."

"Don't feel that way, Haruhi. I didn't overhear anything that would humiliate you. I already knew you'd been raped," Kaoru said. Haruhi flinched at the word and looked at him, but before she could say anything, he continued, "I started watching a lot of cop-and-lawyer dramas during the break. Like Hunny-senpai said, it's not exactly reliable psychological research, but it did help me figure out you weren't just beaten up."

"So you've known since break? You knew when I went over to your house last night?" Haruhi asked.

Kaoru explained, "Well, I guessed what was going on when I saw those shows over break, but I wasn't sure until school started again. I saw how you acted. And from things these two have said," he nodded to Hunny and Mori, "I figured out they knew, too, but I didn't say anything to them or Hika or anyone else. I just," he paused, and took one of her hands in his. "I just wanted to make you feel better. So, yeah, last night when you came to my house I knew what really had happened to you, and so I tried to make the evening as fun as I could." He stared deeply into her eyes. "I meant what I said before, Haruhi. You're my best friend, and nothing anyone does to you will ever change how I feel about you."

"Same here!" blurted a loud voice from behind them, causing them all to turn around.

"Hikaru?" asked Haruhi in astonishment. She looked around at the other trees wildly. "Is everyone eavesdropping on us? Will I see Tamaki-senpai and Kyoya-senpai come out from behind the trees? Or Casanova-kun or Renge? Heck, let's bring out the whole school!" She threw her hands up in frustration. "Everyone come eavesdrop on Haruhi and learn her private business!"

"Don't be like that, Haru-chan, please," asked Hunny, trying to calm her down. They all looked up at Hikaru who was standing a few feet away from them, appearing abashed with his hands in his pockets and shoulders hunched.

Kaoru asked, "What are you doing here, Hika? I texted you that Haruhi was fine with these two and you should go back to class."

Hikaru shrugged. "I waited outside the classroom door for you, and when you didn't show and didn't return my texts I got worried," he said.

Kaoru pulled out his phone and looked at it. "Sorry, I guess my phone was on silent," he apologized to his brother.

"How much did you hear?" asked Haruhi, resigned.

"I saw Kaoru walk over here, and I heard you ask him if I knew something. I was going to speak up but then I heard the term S and M. I heard everything after that," he answered. He was staring at his feet and digging the toe of his foot in the ground uncomfortably the way his twin had done earlier.

Haruhi tried to think back through the conversation. Had he heard that she wasn't into S and M, or did he think she was? She was afraid it was the latter, so she decided to set him straight. "In case you're wondering, I'm not into S and M, or anything to do with sex," she said firmly, though her face, like everyone else's she noticed, was bright red.

"Oh, uh, that's good, I guess," Hikaru mumbled, digging his toe into the ground even more furiously.

"What were you saying earlier, Hika? When you came over here?" prodded Kaoru, changing the subject.

"Oh, uh, right," Hikaru said, looking back up at everyone. He walked over to Haruhi and knelt in front of her, forcing Kaoru to scoot over. It was getting a bit crowded, with everyone bunched so close around Haruhi.

"I didn't know until just now what-what really happened to you," Hikaru said, stumbling over his words. "But I agree with Kaoru. It doesn't change the fact that you're my best friend, other than my brother," he looked to his twin reassuringly, then returned his focus to Haruhi. "What that bastard did to you-" he broke off as his voice cracked. He had to take a moment to regain control of himself and figure out what to say. Finally, he said simply, "You're my best friend." He leaned over, moving everyone else aside and gave Haruhi a hug.

Haruhi didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "Thanks, Hikaru. You're my best friend, too," she said. Then looked over his shoulder at the others. "Well, one of them anyway," she laughed. Her laughter dissolved into tears, and she started crying again.

Hikaru pulled back, aghast. "What? What's wrong, Haruhi? What did I do? Did I say something wrong? Did you not want me to touch you? Hunny-senpai and Mori-senpai said you might not want to be touched," he asked in a panic.

"No, no," Haruhi got out through her sobs, a smile incongruously on her tear-stained face. "I'm crying because I'm happy, Hikaru. I'm crying because," she stopped to swallow. "Because even though I'm b-broken, you all still care about me!"

"Broken?" asked Hikaru, bewildered. "Do have broken bones or something? You don't look like it."

Haruhi let out a small laugh. She couldn't help it. Hikaru was just so simple when it came to emotions. "No, not broken physically, Hikaru. Broken like a vase," Haruhi explained.

"Ah, so that's why you kept talking about a broken vase," said Kaoru in realization. "Is that the real reason you sent Kyoya-senpai those vases?"

Haruhi nodded, surprised that Kaoru had figured that out. She knew that he was better at reading people than Hikaru, but she didn't know he was _that_ good.

"Huh? Vases? What are you talking about?" asked Hikaru, bewildered.

"We'll have to talk about it later, Hika-chan," said Hunny, looking at his watch. "Haru-chan's dad will be here soon to take her to a doctor's appointment."

"Doctor?" asked Hikaru, once again in a panic. "Are you okay, Haruhi? Oh god, are you-" he paused, "pregnant?" he finished in a whisper.

Everyone looked at her, eyes wide.

Haruhi blushed and shrank back under their stares. "Oh, no," she answered, waving her hands. "At least, I don't think so. It's highly unlikely given the, um, timing. No, my dad just wants to make sure everything is, um, ok down there." She cringed. Now why had she said that? Her face was burning up and she couldn't look at anyone. Nobody else could look at anyone, either.

After a moment of awkward silence, Mori stood up, signaling everyone else to follow. Once back on her feet, Haruhi wiped her eyes with her hands and Mori handed her a handkerchief. She thanked him, and finished wiping away her tears. She discreetly wiped her nose, too, and wished she was alone so she could blow it.

Kaoru pulled her into a hug. "Let us know if the doctor says you're okay," he told her softly, but still loud enough for everyone to hear. He pulled back. "Or if you're not okay," he added. "We worry about you, you know? We want to help, and we can't do that if we don't know what's going on."

Haruhi nodded. "Okay," she said. Kaoru smiled at her and stepped back, giving Hikaru room to hug her next. Then Mori and Hunny each took their turns.

After receiving a hug from everyone, Haruhi looked around at the four of them and said, "So you all know what really happened to me, and so does Kyoya. What about Tamaki?" Realization dawned on her. "He knows, too. That's why he acted like I was a hurt puppy at the host club meeting after I freaked out at his hug, and why he arranged the kneeling ceremony."

"Yeah, he overheard me and Kyo-chan talking at the beach house when you were asleep. I'm sorry, Haru-chan, we should have been more careful," Hunny apologized.

Haruhi shrugged. "I guess it doesn't matter now. You all know, he might as well, too," she said. She looked up and saw her father walking towards the main entrance of the school. "There's my dad, I better get going," she said, quickly packing up her lunch and swinging her school bag over her shoulder. Haruhi looked at Hikaru and Kaoru and requested, "Be sure to take good notes in class so I can borrow them, okay?" They agreed, and Haruhi bid goodbye to everyone. She walked quickly towards the main entrance, smiling to herself. Her rays of sunshine. They were all her rays of sunshine.

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 **A/n: thanks for reading. As always, I'm looking to improve as a writer, so reviews and constructive criticism are more than welcome. Don't forget to Favorite and Follow! :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Imagine you have a beautiful crystal vase. Then imagine that you accidently knock it off the table and it shatters into pieces on the floor. We all understand it isn't the vase's fault that it was pushed off the table and shattered. But still, it is broken. It is worthless. You don't want it anymore. So you sweep it up and throw away the pieces. That is how I felt. It wasn't my fault. But I was broken. No one would want me anymore.**

 **Smart, Elizabeth. My Story (pp. 48-49). St. Martin's Press. Kindle Edition.**

(The quote that inspired this fanfic)

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 **Author's Inspiration:**

The original idea of the broken vase metaphor was taken from Elizabeth Smart (now Elizabeth Gilmour). Today, Elizabeth is a child safety activist, and is happily married with three kids. However, she became famous in 2002 when she was abducted from her home at age 14, and was raped, abused, and held captive for nine months until her rescue. When I first read her book detailing her captivity, I was struck by the above quote. Elizabeth says that that was what went through her mind after the first time she was raped. She thought she was worthless and doubted her friends or family would love her or want her anymore, and she felt despair. Fortunately for her, she remembered all the times her family showed how much they loved her, and she quickly realized that of course they would want her back and love her still. They loved her unconditionally. That realization turned out to be the turning point for her.

After reading _My Story_ , the scene of Haruhi accidentally breaking the vase in OHSHC always reminded me of Elizabeth's words. Her broken vase metaphor turned out to be one of the two quotes that are the inspiration for this story. (The other quote is from a completely different source that doesn't have anything to do with rape. I won't say it here because I hope to incorporate it into the story itself later on.)

I wish I had shared this with you all before, so you would know where I got the inspiration and hopefully decide to learn about Elizabeth Smart and her activism. Oh well, I'm sharing it now. I'm thinking about it because I just checked out from the library Elizabeth's second book _Where There's Hope_ , which according to the summary talks about her own healing process and offers a guide for others who need emotional healing. I look forward to reading it.

 **Author's Full Disclaimer:**

I've had many kind reviewers both on and offline who have said they like this story and feel like it accurately portrays what a sexual assault survivor goes through. I am very appreciative of those reviews! However, in reading reviews of other fanfics surrounding rape, I feel compelled give a disclaimer before I go any further.

I am not an expert on rape or sexual assault. I have gone through many traumas in my life as everyone has, but nothing like what Haruhi went through. I have done a lot of research into this topic (especially since I began writing this fic months ago as I wanted it to be as authentic as possible), but I am not a professional or anything. This fic is meant to be entertaining and perhaps a little thought-provoking, but is not to be used as a textbook on experiences with rape any more than Star Trek is meant to be a textbook on physics.

Even so, many things Haruhi and her friends and father go through are taken straight from memoirs, books, articles, plays, and other shared experiences from real-life rape survivors and their loved ones. There are many common experiences survivors go through, but also many uncommon ones. No two people are exactly alike. In one fanfic I read ("Our Lives are Not Perfect, Haruhi," by KyouyasHugToy), Haruhi craved/needed lots of consensual sex after being raped as a way to take control of her own body. The author said that that was based on a real-life rape survivor's personal experience. Another fanfic I read (first half is "Recover" by Ramblingrobin, second half is "Recover (continued)" by Two Authors) portrayed Haruhi as craving SM as a way to cope after the rape, first as the masochist (or submissive) and then as the sadist (or dominate). Neither Ramblingrobin nor Two Authors said whether it was biographical or not, but I went online and did research on several reputable websites. I found that, yes, many survivors do go through these types of things, which is why I had Hunny and Mori mention them in the last chapter.

Anyhow, if you feel that what Haruhi and her loved ones go through in this story is unrealistic, please remember that, 1. different people go through trauma in radically different ways, and 2. this is a fictional story, not a textbook. On the other hand, if you think I am waaaaay off the mark, feel free to (politely) enlighten me. As I've said before, I am always looking for ways to improve as a writer, so reviews and constructive criticism are encouraged.

I received a review that corrected me on some factual information in Kyoya's forensic report in chapter 4 so I went back and fixed it.

Oh, and in case you were dying for it, here's the standard fanfic disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club or the characters, nor do I make money off my stories. Also, I don't own the rights to the books Elizabeth Smart wrote or the two fanfics I mentioned. If the authors want me to erase any mention of them, I will.

 **K, now on with the story!**

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Chapter 11

A little while later, Haruhi's father had checked her out of school and led her to the student drop off/pick up area. Haruhi was confused at first, since it was in a different direction than the bus stop. Then she saw him walk over to a fancy car and a driver open the back door for him.

"Dad?" asked Haruhi, following him. "What's this?"

"Kyoya sent it for us. Wasn't that nice of him? Come on, get in," her father answered, climbing into the back seat.

Haruhi returned the bow the driver gave her - much to the driver's apparent surprise - and climbed into the car next to her dad. The driver closed the door behind her, and Haruhi noticed the partition was up between them and the driver's compartment. She asked her dad, "Why would Kyoya-senpai of all people send us a car? It doesn't benefit him in any way."

Ranka looked at her with a raised eyebrow and said, "He doesn't just do things for his own benefit, Haruhi. I've been talking to him ever since you joined the host club and he's a nice young man. He's worried about you after what happened and when I told him you wanted a gynecologist not affiliated with his family's company he gave me the name of the closest one to Ouran, which is fairly far away. The busses don't go out that way, so he kindly sent us a car."

To say Haruhi was startled was an understatement. "Wait, you've been talking to _Kyoya Ohtori_ since I joined the host club?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes," Ranka said. "He said that as long as you were a member of the host club, a precious daughter is in their care -his exact words! He said it was his duty as the club's vice president to give me regular reports. And since you never talk about yourself or school, he and I talk on the phone and email each other regularly."

Haruhi just sat there with her mouth agape. Then what else her dad told her came to her mind. "And you told him I wanted to see a gynecologist?! Dad, that's-that's-PERSONAL!" she yelled angrily.

"Haruhi," Ranka chided, "Kyoya comes from a medical family. He sees stuff like this with clinical detachment. Besides, as I said before he's worried about you after the incident at the beach. Any medical help you get is a relief for him, just as it is for me."

"But I don't want him to know, Dad! It's none of his business!" Haruhi exclaimed. It probably didn't matter anymore if Kyoya knew she went to the gynecologist, since he knew the truth of what really happened to her. Besides, she had told most of the other members of the host club that the doctor would check to see if everything was okay _down there._ She cringed again as she thought of that stupid slip of the tongue. Yet, stupid slip or not, that had been _her_ decision to tell them, not her dad's, and it should have been her decision whether or not to tell Kyoya about her gynecologist visit. She sighed and said softly, "I feel like my privacy was violated. Shouldn't I have some privacy when it comes to stuff like this?"

Her dad looked at her contritely. "You're right, I'm sorry sweetie. I'll be more careful next time and let you make your own decisions on who knows what about your private business," he apologized.

"Thanks, Dad," she said. She leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. The day was only half done, yet she was exhausted. All the emotional drama left her drained.

"Are you okay, sweetie," Ranka asked.

"Yeah, Dad, just tired," Haruhi replied.

"You woke up really early to clean. Did you not sleep well? Should we go to the psychiatrist and get you different meds?" asked Ranka.

"No, it was my fault. I forgot to take them," Haruhi replied, not opening her eyes. In truth, she hadn't taken them since she hoped she was over the need for them. Unfortunately, she was wrong. She ending up having a nightmare that woke her up in a cold sweat (one she really wished she couldn't remember) and she couldn't go back to sleep. By that time, it was too late to take her pills unless she wanted to be out cold for most of the day. So she had gotten up and scoured the living room clean as she had her own room.

Now she drifted off to sleep and woke up about ten minutes later when they arrived at the doctor's office. She had never been to an ob/gyn before. There were posters on the walls of pregnant women, new mothers with their babies, and different types of birth control. On the side tables were pamplets of different medications, vaccines, eating right for pregnancy, and one that drew Haruhi's eye. It talked about rape. Haruhi wanted to throw up. She would have taken that pamphlet had her dad not been with her. She should have told him before. She had been afraid to ever since it happened, but after finding out that her friends still loved her and accepted her, she felt foolish for thinking her dad wouldn't, too. They sat down next to each other and Haruhi filled out forms regarding her medical history and reason for coming today while her dad filled out forms regarding medical insurance. She really, truly wished she had told her dad before. She wanted to tell him now, but knew that it would probably be an emotional scene and she didn't want to have that in public.

When the doctor called her back, Haruhi looked at her dad nervously before following the nurse. She wished she could have someone go back with her, but having her dad there would be awful. She wished more than ever that her mom was alive.

In the exam room, the nurse took her temperature and blood pressure, then asked her some questions. She gave Haruhi a medical gown to change into and left. Haruhi hated those stupid gowns. She hadn't had to wear one in a long time, and wished she had never had to wear one again. Stripping down in that office was cold and uncomfortable, and she had difficulty putting on the paper-thin garment to cover herself up. She wished she could wrap herself in a thick blanket instead. Her own thick blanket. On her own bed. In her own room. With no sterile walls and bright lights and weird diagrams of the female reproductive system. And no stirrups, no medical instruments, and certainly no one coming to look between her legs. Haruhi told Hunny that she didn't mind being touched, but this wasn't normal touching. Her feeling of nausea increased tenfold.

Haruhi sat there and waited. And waited and waited and waited. Why did doctors always make you wait? Especially when you had an appointment. Shouldn't they be available for their patients on time when they had an appointment? Haruhi realized she was crying and had been for a while. She couldn't go through with it. She jumped off the exam table and got dressed as fast as she could, then literally ran out of the room. She didn't stop when people called out to her, or when she passed the reception desk, or when she saw her dad in the waiting room. She just ran out the door and down the street as fast as she could, not caring where she was going so long as it was away from anyone who would make her wear a paper gown and touch her private parts.

After a while her father caught up to her and she threw herself into his arms, sobbing uncontrollably. She couldn't speak, couldn't voice her fears or her embarrassment or her shame. She was being silly and she knew it. It was a doctor, a woman doctor, not that horrible thug. The doctor wanted to help her and keep her healthy, not use her and hurt her. But she couldn't help it. She couldn't go back there. She couldn't stop crying and shaking. She couldn't - absolutely, positively couldn't - go back there.

Ranka held her for a few minutes, and she could feel his body shaking, too. Great, now she had made him cry. How stupid of her! She hated herself. He had gone through so much with her mother's death and trying to take care of her on his own, and now here she was adding to his pain. She needed to get ahold of herself.

 _Shattered._

Always and forever

 _Shattered._

Dammit! She was supposed to be over that! The love of her friends had helped her overcome that! So why did she still feel like her heart and body was being pierced by a thousand tiny shards of broken vase? Why did she feel like a broken vase herself?

She eventually got enough control of herself to calm down and pull away from the hug. She looked at her dad and saw his face red with crying.

"Dad, I was raped," she blurted.

"I know, sweetie, I'm so sorry," Ranka answering, pulling her in closer.

"Kyoya told you, didn't he?" asked Haruhi, already knowing the answer.

"Yes, he did," he said softly.

 _'Why didn't you tell me you knew?'_ she almost asked, but the answer was obvious. She had done everything she could to make sure no one found out, and he wanted to spare her the pain of knowing some of them, at least, already knew.

They stood like that for another minute, before Ranka asked, "Haruhi, do you think you can go back there?"

Haruhi thought about it. She knew she needed to get tested for STDs and pregnancy, and to have a doctor check to make sure she wasn't injured in ways she couldn't yet detect. She knew her dad worried about her, and her friends did, too, and that getting checked out would ease their minds. Yet she thought about what a gyno exam entailed and her heart froze up and she wanted to vomit. She shook her head.

"Alright, sweetie. We don't have to go back today," Ranka assured her, stroking her hair. He spoke in a whisper past the apparent lump in his throat.

"Thanks, Dad," Haruhi whispered back. They turned and walked back to the car. Haruhi got in while her dad went to let the receptionist know she wouldn't be having an exam that day.

When he joined her in the car a few minutes later, he was holding some papers, including the pamphlet on rape Haruhi had seen in the office. As the driver pulled the car away with the divider between them and him still up, Ranka showed the pamplet to Haruhi.

"They're very understanding of rape survivors there, Haruhi. This pamphlet shows some of the accommodations they can make for you. They say that next time you come back, they can prescribe some Xanax to take before your appointment to help you with your anxiety. They can also make sure that they don't make you wait as long when you come so the anxiety doesn't have a chance to build. The doctor will give you a longer than normal amount of time so that she can talk to you about what you went through if you want and go over everything she does in detail before she does it, and make sure you're comfortable with it. She can also make sure there's a nurse there to stay by your head for emotional support if you want it," he explained as he went over the pamphlet with her. He pointed to a list on the middle section. "Here is a list of reasons to get medical attention. Gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV, chlamydial infection, hepatitis, HPV-which can cause cervical cancer, pregnancy, physical lacerations, other injuries which could cause complications with future intimacy and childbearing, and gathering evidence to press criminal charges against the assailant. Thank heaven you don't have to worry about that last part."

Haruhi nodded, dazed. Sure, she had known she needed to get tested for STDs and injuries in general, but having them listed in detail like that put things in a different light. Cancer? She could get cancer from this? And complications with having kids someday? Geez. As if she didn't have enough problems. How could one stupid jerk looking for a cheap thrill or whatever ruin her life so completely? It just wasn't fair.

Ranka then showed her another piece of paper he held. "Here is a list of sexual assault and domestic violence centers, rape support groups, therapists specializing in sexual assault, hypnotherapists, list of helpful websites, and other resources for you to check out," he said.

Haruhi blinked at the list. She hadn't known there was so much help out there. Of course, that meant that there were so many people out there who needed help. That thought was depressing. Haruhi used to believe that gender didn't really matter. Now she figured women really got the short end of the stick in this world. Then she saw a listing for a therapist who specialized in helping men who had been sexually assaulted. So women weren't the only ones to suffer at the hands of evil jerks like the one who had attacked her. Now even more depressed, Haruhi leaned her head against the car window and watched everything pass by, wishing the world were a better place.

When she got home, she took her phone out of her pocket and checked it. She had turned the ringer off when she went to the doctor, and was surprised to find she had messages from everyone in the host club. She also had messages from several of her classmates and host club guests who had heard she went home sick and wanted to make sure she was okay. As she read the text messages and listened to the voicemails, she couldn't help but smile. Sure, the world had a lot of cruel people in it, but it was filled with wonderful people, too. She had to remember that. No matter how much damage one person caused her, there were several more people wanting to help. Maybe her life wasn't ruined after all.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

* * *

 **Author's shout-outs!**

Thanks RavynLex! I corrected the spelling of Takashi's name (at least, I hope I got all the misspellings) and will proofread more for typos. Thanks for pointing them out. Glad you liked the story!

You, too, Kbeans! I'm glad you found the portrayals true-to-life. That's what I was going for. :)

winterqween, thanks soooo much for correcting me on the medical examiner's report! My research focused more on society's views on rape survivors and reactions they get from police, doctors, family, friends, etc., as well as how survivors themselves deal with the emotional fallout. I hadn't heard that survivors' bodies can react during an attack just as if the act was consensual and they can even orgasm until you told me. Perhaps the survivors I've heard stories from never had that happen to them or maybe they were just too embarrassed or ashamed, or they feared that if people knew, they would think the act was consensual. At any rate, thanks for the information!

61913a! If you're still reading this, I hope you like that this dark story is getting lighter now. As they say, it's always darkest before dawn. I hope my description of Japanese baths/showers in chapter five answered your question. Also, I looked up that YouTube video of the real-life host in Japan you recommended and it blew me away! For anyone else interested in watching it, it's called "Meet the no.1 gigolo in Japan, Akaya Kunagi".

 **As always, thanks for reading, and don't forget to favorite, follow, and review!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/n: Sorry it's been so long, but I had a huge case of writer's block. Thanks so much to reviewers both on- and off-line who supported this fic and gave me inspiration to keep going! Special thanks to MollyMuffinHead for her wonderful suggestions and encouragement!**

 **This chapter is shorter than the others because I wanted to get it out there sooner rather than later and let all my wonderful readers know I have not abandoned this story!**

 **MurphyTheProphet: thanks for your review! I hope you enjoy where I go with this!**

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Haruhi was exhausted after the emotional events of the day and her lack of sleep the previous night, so she went to take a nap. She woke up in the evening, saw that she had even more missed texts and voicemails, and wondered what she should tell the host club about her doctor's appointment. Kaoru had asked her to let them know how things went with the doctor since they worried about her and couldn't help her if they didn't know what was going on. After he and the others had helped her so much that day with their love and support, she had fully intended to keep them informed. Yet now she was hesistant. Did she really want to tell them that she had run like a frightened child? That would be so humiliating.

Haruhi scoffed to herself. Humiliating? Humiliating was knowing that her guy friends had found her bra and panties covered in cum and other bodily fluids at the cave. Humiliating was having crazy-psycho freak-outs right and left in front of the entire host club. Humiliating was trying so desparately to hide something only to find out that everyone already knew. Humiliating - really and truly humiliating - was being dirty, defiled, and broken. Haruhi had already been humiliated. Yet her friends didn't see it that way. They didn't look at her with embarrassment, disgust, or chagrin. Instead, they loved and supported her. Telling them wouldn't be humiliating. A little embarrassing, sure, but not humiliating. Besides, as Kaoru had said, they couldn't help if they didn't know what was going on. Though she was normally too independent to ask for help, she found after today that she really appreciated it from them.

She decided to let the host club know what happened, but first she wanted to respond to the other Ouran students who had tried to contact her. She figured that wouldn't take up much time since all she needed was to send them all short texts assuring them she was fine and she'd see them tomorrow at school. However, as she went through the lists of texts and voicemails from everyone who wasn't in the host club, she saw to her surprise that there were over a dozen from girls at her school. She knew that today had been a hosting day at the club and she'd missed it. Had all of those girls planned on seeing her? If so, then it must have disappointed them when she wasn't there. _'Disappointed enough to send me a flood of messages?'_ Haruhi wondered. _'Do they really want to talk to me so badly that they couldn't wait until they saw me at the host club tomorrow?'_

Most of the names she recognized as guests of the host club and a few were of girls in her class, but some were girls she only knew in passing outside of class or the club, and a couple she didn't know at all. As she went through those texts and voicemails, she remembered what Hikaru and Kaoru had said. _'Careful, Haruhi' . . . 'Or else some of those girls might fall in love with you.'_

Reading the texts and listening to the voicemails, Haruhi realized the twins had been right. All the messages contained well wishes for her health and a desire to see her in class or at the host club, yet most of them contained more. Most of the the girls either requested she eat lunch with them, invited her to their families' business parties or other social events, or said they had presents to give her. All of the girls who were brave enough to call rather than text had sounded nervous, though they all tried to hide it with varying degrees of success. To top it off, several girls requested to see her in private, hinting that they intended to confess their love.

Haruhi groaned. _'Great,'_ she thought. _'That's the last thing I need, a ton of girls falling in love with me.'_ She blamed Tamaki for this. If he hadn't had the club do that stupid kneeling ceremony and make a spectacle of her in front of the whole school, then this would never have happened. The gifts and hugs Haruhi received from the girls before the ceremony would have been the end of all the special attention she got for her ill-fated attempted rescue. Everything would have been fine as far as that was concerned. But nooooo, stupid Tamaki had to do one of his stupid grand schemes and make her seem like some stupid hero in a stupid fairy tale. Now every girl in Ouran (and even a couple guys, Haruhi realized as she went through her messages) thought she was the best thing since sliced bread. What a mess! How on earth was Haruhi supposed to deal with this on top of everything else?

Despite the fact that all the girls at school thought she was a boy and all the other boys in the host club had received love confessions from girls, Haruhi herself had never received a love confession and had no clue how to handle it if she did. She thought of all the times girls had confessed to the guys in the host club and what a bother most of them found it. Whenever Kyoya received a confession, he was annoyed by the interruption to his day and only consoled by the fact that he could almost always turn the incident into a money-making opportunity for the club or another contact for his family's business. The twins enjoyed putting on their twincest act for an audience, and whenever they received a confession from a girl (or pair of girls), they found pleasure in kicking their act up a notch to put them off. Yet when it didn't work and the girls refused to be put off so easily, the twins just found it aggravating. Whenever Mori or Hunny received a confession, they always felt bad, since even though they delivered the rejection as kindly as they could (usually with a consolation gift of a flower or sweets), they would still cause the girl pain.

Tamaki was the only one who didn't hate receiving confessions. As the King of the Host Club, he thrived on the attention and was always flattered when girls confessed their love for him. In addition, his sweet tongue always seemed to know what to say to soften the blow, and even make the girls feel like heroines in a sad, romantic story of unrequited love. While the girls would still be hurt by the rejection, they always felt special and "deliciously tragic" (that was how one girl described it), and would usually come back to the host club within a few days, requesting Tamaki's attentions again. Haruhi wondered how he did that. How did he always seem to make the girls around him feel special, even when they were hurting?

Haruhi decided to talk to him before she responded to all her admirers. Tamaki was a silly romantic who couldn't help her with serious issues like the assault, no matter what Kyoya thought. Yet, maybe he could teach her how to turn down confessions of love without hurting anyone.

Before calling Tamaki or anyone else, though, Haruhi needed to eat. Her dad had already left for work, but Haruhi didn't mind eating dinner by herself. When she opened her door and saw what was in the living room, however, she facepalmed. Filling the room from wall to wall and floor to ceiling were boxes and boxes and boxes of gifts. Every single gift was from a girl at Ouran, and every single one of them was addressed to her.

"TAMAKI-SENPAI, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Haruhi yelled at the empty room.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Tamaki was pacing his room, worrying about Haruhi. He had called and texted her several times today, but hadn't received a response. Was she okay? After host club hours had ended, Hunny and the others had told Kyoya and him about their conversation with Haruhi at lunch. It broke his heart. Tamaki could hear Hunny's words ringing in his head.

 _'Haru-chan told us she feels broken, like a vase that has fallen to the floor. A broken vase is useless trash, and that's how she sees herself now. She says she feels worthless and dirty.'_

Tamaki sat down on his bed and put his head in his hands. Could Haruhi - beautiful, wonderful, amazing Haruhi - really feel like useless trash? Tamaki could kill the man that did that to her, if the man hadn't been dead already. Yet that wouldn't help Haruhi.

But what would? He thought more about the conversations he'd had with the other members of his host club family, trying to puzzle out some way to help the family member who needed help the most. They'd said that the kneeling ceremony had made her feel better, but only for a little while. Tamaki wasn't surprised it had made her feel better; his grand schemes always made people feel better. But it hadn't lasted. How come? _'Because it only focused on one aspect of what she's going through,'_ he realized. He had meant to make her see that nobody blamed her for what that jerk did to her, and from what he'd been able to gather, he'd succeeded. But that wasn't the only thing that caused her anguish. It wasn't even the biggest thing. The biggest thing, it seemed, was her loss of self-worth. So how could he help her get it back?

He needed somehow to make her see herself as he saw her. He loved her with all his heart. Of course he did, she was his daughter. There was nothing that was useless or trashy or worthless or dirty about her. She was intelligent and quick-witted and deapan funny and blunt and kind and a natural host and tough and independent and interesting and too bold for her own good and short-tempered and unique and special and she had the biggest chocolate eyes and the most mesmerizing smile and she made his heart beat faster and his insides turn to goo and with a blunt word she could turn his soul to dust and send him to his corner in despair and she turned his world upside down and he just might die without her.

No, there was not 'might' about it. He _would_ die without her. That was made crystal clear to him at the beach that day. When they realized Haruhi was missing, the others were concerned, but he was really and truly scared. Then they discovered from those girls that Haruhi was in danger and his insides turned to ice. His legs raced to where she was last seen before his mind was even conscious of the fact. As he searched for her, his mind conjured up all sorts of horrible images of her missing forever, or in a coma, or dead, and his heart almost gave out. He heard a splash and stopped breathing, certain Haruhi had fallen to her death in the water. The time it took for him to run up to the cave, jump deep into the water, swim back up to the surface, and find her took more than an eternity. When he finally saw Haruhi clinging to the rock, he dared not hope that she was anything but an appartition created by his mind to shield itself from the worst. It wasn't until he finally touched her that he could make himself believe she was, in fact, alive and breathing. Relief had crashed over him like a wave, stealing his strength. That was when he realized just how much she meant to him.

From that moment he knew that he loved her so much, he would move heaven and earth to keep her from getting hurt. He also knew that he loved her so much, he would rather walk barefoot across hot coals than be the one to cause her pain. However, life has a way of being perverse sometimes. It was because he loved her so much that he _did_ cause her pain. It was because he loved her so much that he lost his temper and yelled at her for being so reckless with her own safety. It was because he loved her so much that his joy overcame him when he saw her walking into the music room smiling a week later, and he forgot all about how he wasn't supposed to touch her, and instead had picked her up and swung her around exactly like he was told not to, which scared her.

He grimaced to himself at the memory, but then shook his head to dispel it. He didn't want to focus on what he had done to hurt her. He wanted to focus on what he could do to make her feel better. He returned his thoughts to the conversation he'd had with the other guys in the host club. They'd said that after they talked with her, she felt better. Why? What had they said? What had they done?

Tamaki thought about it and came up with a mental list. First, they told her they loved and supported her, and that she was their best friend regardless of what someone else did to her. Second, they complimented her, paid attention to her, and had fun with her. Third, they let her cry on their shoulders, listened to her as she vented her feelings, and did their best to comfort her. Fourth, they made her feel safe, both physically and emotionally. Fifth, they reassured her she'd be okay. What did Mori say he told her? That she was strong, would persevere, and come out the other side better for it.

Tamaki thought about that last one. That seemed to be the key to helping her. He should focus on that. But how? He looked over at the books on his shelf. One in particular caught his eye. As he looked at the book, Hunny's voice echoed in his head.

 _'Haru-chan told us she feels broken, like a vase that has fallen to the floor.'_

Tamaki went to the bookcase and picked up the book. A beautiful vase was on the cover. He knew. He knew! He flipped through the pages, plans forming in his head. He knew how to help Haruhi! He had to call Kyoya. He had to show Kyoya what he'd discovered in the pages. It was something wondrous and amazing that would, when put into action by one of his own extraordinary schemes, rid Haruhi of all her troubles and make everything happy and shiny and new again. He just knew it!

He whipped out his phone, ready to dial Kyoya's number. Before he could hit the first digit, however, the phone rang. Tamaki looked at the caller ID and his heart soared. It was his precious daughter! He answered it immediately.

"Hello, my sweet Haru-"

"TAMAKI-SENPAI, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Haruhi yelled into the phone.

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 **A/n: thanks for reading! Reviews, follows, favorites, and constructive criticism are appreciated!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/n: Once again, here's a chapter that is shorter than average for this story. There's a lot more to this scene in my head, but I'm finding that getting it all down the way I want is taking FOREVER. I decided to post the part I'm satisfied with now rather than make all my wonderful readers wait any longer for the next installment.**

 **Special thanks goes to Bard of Innail. I really appreciate your encouragement and suggestions!**

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Just look at all of this!" Haruhi commanded, gesturing to the mountain of gifts filling her living room.

"My darling Haruhi, you are so lucky! You have gained the hearts of many fair maidens!" cried Tamaki happily. Haruhi could practically see the stars in his eyes and flowers around his head.

Haruhi tried not to let her temper boil over. It was difficult, though. The second she had invited him over, she knew it was a mistake. There was no going back on it, though, not with him gushing over the phone about the honor of being the first in the host club, or in fact the whole school, to be invited to her place. He had obviously overlooked the fact that she was mad at him (or maybe had missed it altogether, despite the fact that she had yelled at him). Once he had arrived, he started making typical, rich bastard comments about how small her home was, oblivious to the fact that he was being insulting. Haruhi wanted to bite his head off. The only reason she hadn't thrown him out was that she needed his help. Besides, a part of her was glad that he was acting this way. It was normal behavior for him, and she would rather he behave normally around her than overly cautious as he had been doing.

Now, though, his obtuseness at the reality of the situation threatened to make her head explode. "Lucky? Lucky!?" she yelled at him. "How can you call this lucky? Thanks to you and your stupid kneeling ceremony, half the school thinks I'm some sort of hero! Now all the girls are in love with me. With _me_! What am I going to tell them when they start confessing their love?" she demanded angrily.

Tamaki looked at her, baffled. "What do you mean, what will you tell them? They're princesses. You're a princess, too, if a secret one. You can't date them. You have to tell them no," he said.

Haruhi rolled her eyes. "I _know_ I have to tell them no. But how do I do that without breaking their hearts?" she demanded, frustrated at her senpai.

"Ah, I see. My sweet daughter has come to her daddy for advice!" he exlaimed. He made a move as if to hug her, but then stopped himself and instead preened with grand gestures under her supposed high regard for his fatherly wisdom. "All right, my doting daughter, I will teach you the ways of being a princely host to young maidens with soft hearts!" He whipped a rose out of nowhere. "First, always have a rose with you. . ."

Two minutes into the lesson, Haruhi realized that Tamaki's way of talking to princesses was absolutely, positively, most definitely not for her. His honeyed words might sound sweet and romantic coming from a princely type, but from Haruhi they would probably sound ridiculous.

"I am a tramp, a gentleman, a poet, a dreamer, a lonely fellow. . ." Tamaki spouted, quoting Charlie Chaplin. Haruhi imagined herself telling someone that she was 'a lonely fellow' and rolled her eyes at the thought. As for calling herself 'a tramp,' well, that didn't bear thinking about.

"I know I am but summer to your heart, And not the full four seasons of the year. . ." Tamaki continued, quoting a sonnet by Edna St. Vincent Millay. Haruhi thought that, yes, the host club king's tongue was definitely made for sonnets. What was hers made for? She thought about it for a minute and the only thing she could come up with was eating fancy tuna.

"Of all the music that reached farthest into heaven, it is the beating of a loving heart. . ." Tamaki said passionately, quoting Henry Ward Beecher. Haruhi didn't have a clue as to what that had to do with turning down a love confession, but it sounded romantic so she guessed the girls might like it. At least, they'd probably like it so long as it was said poetically. Haruhi knew she was about as poetic as a carrot.

She continued to listen to her senpai, though, in the hope that she might learn something useful amid the blather. Tamaki had been her original instructor in hosting, after all, and some of the things he taught her had come in handy. For example, his tip of gazing up from below when things got difficult had gotten her out of more than one awkward spot during conversations and sent her guests' hearts fluttering. So she paid as much attention to her senpai's lesson as she would any class at school.

As Tamaki continued to talk, though, Haruhi found herself losing track of what he was saying. Her ears started buzzing and her vision dimmed. The same thing happened at school the last couple days whenever she tried to pay attention to the teachers. Her ears would buzz, her vision darken, and her mind would go somewhere else. It didn't used to be this way. She used to have no problem concentrating on classes or TV or anything that required silent attention. Since the incident, though, no matter how much she wanted to listen and learn, her mind wouldn't cooperate. It kept sending her back to that awful day. She tried to concentrate on Tamaki's lesson, but in moments she was back in the water at the beach, holding onto the rocks at the base of the cliff, desperately pulling her clothes on before Tamaki saw her. She was afraid - so, so afraid - that he would see her naked. Naked not just in body but in heart and soul as well. That he would see how dirty, disgusting, broken, and useless she was. That he would take one look at her and turn away in revulsion.

 _'No!'_ she inwardly screamed at herself to bring her mind back to the present. _'Tamaki didn't run away! He's here, he's supportive, and he still loves you as a friend even though he knows what happened to you. Even though he knows you were violated. Even though he knows you're disgusting. Even though he knows you're broken into little pieces. . .'_ She took a deep breath, trying to fight the tears that formed as her positive self-talk devolved into self-loathing. As she had during her classes, she managed to pull herself out of her thoughts and focus on her lesson. Yet she knew from experience that if she didn't manage to take control her mind somehow, she would be lost in her horrible memories again in a few minutes and have to fight to regain focus. It was a painful and exhausting cycle.

When she brought her attention back to Tamaki, he was facing away from her, using a marker to draw on one of the gift boxes.

"See, Haruhi? Here's a portrait of a beautiful young maiden!" he exclaimed, turning to her with a smile. "Now we can practice on it!"

"It looks like a drunken monkey," Haruhi said bluntly. It was true, the drawing looked like one a kid would make after a visit to the zoo.

Tamaki got a hurt puppy look on his face and immediately went to his corner of woe.

"I'm sorry, senpai," Haruhi said, going to him and pulling him up. "It's, um, a very nice looking monkey." Haruhi was sorry she had hurt his feelings, but she was grateful that the lesson turned into a conversation. It was easier to keep control of her mind when she was engaged in a conversation.

"It's supposed to be a princess," Tamaki sniffled.

"It is," said Haruhi consolingly. "It's a monkey princess."

Tamaki sniffled again. "A monkey princess?" he asked. Then he brightened. "Yes! That's it! A monkey princess!" he cried, all trace of woe and sniffles gone. "I have Beary, my beloved teddy. Hunny has his stuffed bunny Usa-chan. Now you have. . ." He paused to draw a crown on the head of his creation. "Princess Monkey! A beloved companion to comfort you when Daddy's not around!" As he spoke, he grabbed the box and hugged it tightly while twirling around. Haruhi winced, hoping there was nothing fragile inside.

"Uh, senpai, that's not a stuffed animal. That's a box with a picture on it," she said.

"I'm not talking about the box, my silly daughter!" he answered, setting the box down. He cupped her cheeks with his hands and shook her head slightly back and forth as if she were a baby. "Daddy's going to get you a real stuffed Princess Monkey!" he promised joyfully. He let go of her and stuck a finger in the air as if he had a brilliant idea. "No, a _Prince_ Monkey! Just like me!" His eyes got all twinkly and he hugged himself. "Now my precious little girl can think of me whenever she cuddles up to it! Oh, it's so cute!"

 _'Prince Monkey. That's Tamaki all right,'_ Haruhi thought, rolling her eyes. Yeah, there was no way this big goof could help her with anything serious. Kyoya must be crazy to think so.

"Uh, senpai, could we get back on topic, please? I still need help dealing with the girls," she said, bringing him out of his inner mind theater.

Tamaki nodded and went to the box, gesturing at it as if presenting a game show prize. "Here is the beautiful Princess Monkey, whose heart you have won by your valorous deeds!" he announced. "But you, Knight Haruhi, do not return her affections and must turn her down without breaking her maidenly heart! Now watch and I'll show you how it's done!"

He turned and gazed adoringly at the monkey picture on the box and began talking sweetly to it. Haruhi tried to listen, but she heard the buzzing in her ears again and her vision faded. Her traitorous mind left reality and went back to memory. Once more she felt Tamaki's hands touching her. Only this time he wasn't cupping her cheeks and offering her a stuffed animal. Instead, he was grabbing her shoulders and yelling at her. _'What were you thinking, going after them by yourself? You against two guys? You should have come to us for help! Don't forget, you're a girl!'_

Haruhi closed her eyes and firmly reminded herself that that was over a week ago. Tamaki wasn't yelling at her anymore. He didn't blame her anymore. He was kind and comforting.

 _Tamaki reached her first and, grabbing a rock to steady himself as she had, pulled her into an embrace._

 _'Haruhi! Oh Haruhi!' he repeated over and over in relief._

 _'We've found her! She's alright!' Mori shouted up to the cliff top. Haruhi didn't look. She just buried her head into Tamaki's wet shoulder and concentrated on not sobbing again._

Haruhi was getting really frustrated at her own mind. She silently yelled at it, _'That's not what I meant when I said he was kind and comforting. I'm talking about right here and now, not over a week ago! Stop making me relive that awful day, especially when I'm supposed to be concentrating on other things!'_ She felt a little foolish yelling at her mind as if it was a sentient being all on its own, but considering she seemed to have very little control of it at the moment, she almost felt like it was. She once again forced her attention back to the present.

At the moment, Tamaki was reaching out to caress the box with the picture of the drunken monkey as if caressing the side of a girl's face. It looked ridiculous. Even in Haruhi's distressed mental state, the sight made her want to both giggle in amusement and roll her eyes in annoyance - a typical reaction when dealing with the host club king. Haruhi let out a soft noise that she thought would be a laugh, but turned into more of a sob. She immediately put her hand over her mouth to stifle it, but it was too late. Tamaki had heard the noise and looked up at her in surprise.

"Sorry, senpai," Haruhi said quickly, trying to sound normal. "But I don't think I can do that. Talk to girls the way you do, I mean. I'll just have to figure out what to say to them on my own." She turned away, hiding the traitorous tears that fell down her cheeks. "I need to go to the restroom," she said and walked away as quickly as she dared without raising suspicion. She vaguely noted that she had been doing a lot of that lately.

Once inside the restroom, she closed the door and turned on the faucet, hoping to mask any noises she made. Then she sat down on the floor with her back against the wall, her elbows on her knees, her head in her hands, and her shoulders shaking. God, she hated this! Why was she crying all the time? What should she do? Should she spill out everything to Tamaki and let him comfort her the way she had Hunny and the others? Probably not. He was an idiot and couldn't help her with anything serious. Not like Hunny or Mori or even Kaoru. They had known how to help. Tamaki was more like Hikaru. Hikaru had been able to add his share of comfort to her, but only because everyone else was there. If he had been on his own, he likely wouldn't have known what to say or do. It would have been awkward and uncomfortable, and would only have made her feel worse. If Haruhi went to Tamaki now and explained that she had lost her ability to concentrate and instead ended up reliving the worst day of her life over and over, it would be a disaster. He would try to comfort her, she knew. He was her friend, after all. But he would be way out of his depth. She might as well seek help from a child as from him.

Should she call the others over? She had really, really appreciated the help and support they gave her earlier. Yet it hadn't done much good in the long run. Not a full hour after they helped her she had run out of a doctor's office like a frightened child or a crazy person. If the comfort and support they gave her couldn't even last an hour, then what was the point? Yes, she was glad she had that talk with the four of them at lunch since they showed her they knew her secret and cared about her regardless. Beyond that, though, she didn't think there was any real help they could give her. She was still a mess, still broken like that vase.

Should she go back to handling her emotional distress the way she had always done, hiding by herself until it passed? Now that she thought about it, she realized that hadn't done any good at fixing her, either. She had used that method for years, and her astraphobia (fear of thunderstorms) had never lessened. Yet, that method had helped her hide her embarrassment and kept others from worrying about her. Hiding when it stormed or when other negative thoughts and emotions overwhelmed her had actually enabled her to take care of both herself and her father. If she had run to her daddy crying like a baby every time thunder hit, then he wouldn't have been able to leave her side during storms. He wouldn't have been able to go to work, wouldn't have been able to go out with friends and enjoy himself, wouldn't have been able to live his own life. Likewise, if she ran to her friends whenever bad thoughts overwhelmed her, then they wouldn't be able to live their own lives, either. They would be too busy taking care of the crying baby Haruhi who was too weak and broken to take care of them in return. That would have been intolerable.

So she should go back to hiding her problems. She wasn't going to be fixed, so she should deal with her brokenness the same way she dealt with thunderstorms: learn to live with it and not burden others. Right? But then what about how she felt when she cried to her friends at lunch? The catharsis, the healing, the rays of sunshine? What about the comfort she felt after she listened to all those voicemails and read all those text messages from people who cared about her? On the ride home from the doctor's office she was depressed about all the cruel people in the world and how one of them had ruined her life. Then she got home, received the messages from her friends, and realized there were more good people in the world than bad and her life wasn't ruined after all. Sure, later on she discovered she had a problem with girls who thought they were in love with her, but those were girls who didn't really know her. She had a wonderful group of friends - scratch that, she had a wonderful host club _family_ \- who did know her and wanted to be there for her. They _begged_ to be there for her. If she was honest with herself, she wanted them to be there for her, too.

Haruhi went over and over it in her mind. Should she call her friends or handle her problems alone? Should she be independent or should she lean on those who loved her? Where was the line between letting others help and becoming a burden? Was it strength to deal with one's problems alone or was strength asking for help when needed? For that matter, was help _really_ needed? And would the others' support truly _be_ of any help in the long run? Would dependence make her weak forever, or would it be the temporary hand up she needed to become strong again? She had managed to deal with her astraphobia on her own, but was this the same type of thing? She had been so little when her phobia started that she could remember neither how it began nor how she first learned to cope with it. If she could remember the beginning of that trauma, then maybe she could compare it to the beginning of this one. If she could remember how she learned to deal with that trauma and why she dealt with it the way she did, then maybe she could use that experience to guide her in how to deal with this.

Haruhi wiped away her tears and squared her shoulders. She was a practical person. She couldn't remember the experience, and thus couldn't use it to help her now, and that was that. No use crying over it. Yes, she had to decide whether to rely on her friends or not, but she didn't have to decide right now. Right now she'd go out to the living room and get Tamaki to help her figure out what to do with all those gifts, then after he left she would respond to all her messages. She would call the twins to get her homework, and she'd likely have to stay up late finishing it. She glanced at her watch and saw it was getting late. Maybe she'd wait until tomorrow to deal with the gifts and get straight to the other stuff.

She stood up, washed her face, and made sure that no trace of her distress showed in her expression before walking out of the restroom.

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	14. Chapter 14

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Kyoya sat in his room doing his homework on his laptop. It was the newest model, delivered to him the morning after he threw his last one against the wall. He didn't think about that, though. He refused to think about that. His loss of control wasn't something he wanted to dwell on, especially since it made him think of the incident that caused it. That incident still made him angry, and he couldn't afford to be angry. Anger was sometimes useful, but in this case all it did was cloud his judgment. Same with worry. He hadn't expected to have so much worry over the girl he compared to a little tanuki, but he did. Yet worrying wouldn't do anybody any good, so he pushed it aside also and concentrated solely on his homework.

His cell phone rang and he was not surprised to see Ranka's name on the caller ID. His pulse quickened a little as anxiety - supressed but still present - coursed through his system. Still, his voice was completely calm when he answered, "Hello."

"Hello Kyoya," came Ranka's voice. Kyoya thought there was something off about it, though it was hard to tell with the noise of the tranny bar in the background.

"Ranka, how are you? How was Haruhi's appointment with the gynecologist?" asked Kyoya.

"Oh, she didn't see the gyno," Ranka said.

Kyoya realized what was off about Ranka's voice and frowned. It was a little slurred. "Have you been drinking?" he asked, careful to keep his tone free of any judgment or worry.

"Just a little," Ranka admitted in a whisper. Kyoya heard a door open and shut and the noises of the bar cease. Apparently Ranka had gone outside behind the bar to talk in private. He continued in a normal tone of voice, "I'm not allowed to drink while at work, but tonight I just needed a little something to help me get through my shift."

"Be sure not to drink too much," Kyoya warned him. "It won't do any good for Haruhi to see you falling down drunk, especially in her fragile mental state."

"Don't worry, I won't," Ranka assured him. "I used to get drunk as a way to cope with my problems, but I saw how that affected Haruhi and I stopped years ago. I only drink socially now. Except tonight, of course. I've kept myself sober through this whole ordeal with Haruhi, but after what happened today. . ." he trailed off and took a deep breath. Kyoya thought Ranka was going to tell him what happened today, but after calming himself he said instead, "Don't ever have daughters, Kyoya. Or wait, do have daughters. They're the best thing to ever happen to you. But make sure you have a wife by your side. Make sure she doesn't die. And make damn sure your daughters don't get hurt. It's worse than death seeing your daughter get hurt." That last sentence came out somewhat strangled, as if Ranka was holding back tears.

Kyoya realized Ranka needed to get help almost as much as Haruhi did. If Ranka fell apart, he wouldn't be able to be there for his daughter. In fact, if he fell apart because of what had happened to her, she would likely blame herself. The guilt would make what she was already going through that much worse, which would make what Ranka went through that much worse. The pain the two felt would feed off each other in a vicious cycle. Fortunately, Kyoya thought Ranka would be more amenable to the idea of seeing a therapist than Haruhi was, but before he broached the subject, he needed more information.

"Why didn't Haruhi see the gynecologist?" he asked.

"I can't say," Ranka said, his voice pained. "That would violate her privacy. She said I already violated her privacy when I told you see was seeing the gyne- gyno- gyn- the doctor," he tripped over his words, and Kyoya wondered if the alcohol was affecting him more than he realized. Ranka took another deep breath. "I'm a bad father, Kyoya. I violated her privacy. I didn't protect her from that bastard. I didn't make her get the morning-after pill the morning after. . ." he choked off, and started to cry softly.

"The morning after pill?" Kyoya asked, and his blood went cold. He made his voice calm and dispassionate. "Is she pregnant?"

Ranka controlled his voice enough to answer, "Dunno. Like I said, she didn't see the doctor. She ran off like a frightened bunny rabbit. Just freaked out and ran out of the doctor's office and down the street. It was like seeing her during a thunderstorm. Did I tell you she has a fear of thunderstorms? She gets so scared she has to wrap herself up in a blanket and hide under furniture until it goes away. I've learned to live with seeing her like that, though it still hurts every time. But seeing her run out of that office today was as bad as seeing her the first time she freaked out about thunder. It felt like a knife in my chest." That last sentence came out strangled, as if he was trying hard not to cry again. He took a few more breaths, evidently realizing what he had said. "Dammit, I wasn't supposed to tell you any of that. See, I told you I was a bad father. Please don't tell her I told you."

"I won't," Kyoya assured him. He wanted to say something else, but wasn't sure what. He really was bad at dealing with other people's emotions.

"I'm sorry to dump all this on you, Kyoya. I didn't mean to go into all that. I actually called to ask you to make sure someone is with Haruhi again tonight. The twins made her feel so much better yesterday, maybe they can again today. Or one of her other friends. Would you arrange that for me? I should have asked you before I left for work but I'm afraid I wasn't thinking straight," Ranka said.

"Of course," Kyoya said. "Actually Tamaki told me he was going to see her a couple hours ago. I'll ask if he can stay until you get home."

There was silence on the other line, then Ranka's voice came out in almost a growl, "He's the president of your host club, isn't he? The one who gets girls to fawn all over him?"

"Yes, he is the host club president, but don't worry, he isn't like that with Haruhi. He sees her as a daughter and cares for her well-being as much as the rest of us do," Kyoya assured him.

"His daughter?" asked Ranka, confused.

"He's a bit of an idiot," Kyoya explained, "but he really is a wonderful person. I wouldn't be best friends with him otherwise."

"Hmm," said Ranka, apparently unconvinced. "Very well. I will allow him to see Haruhi without a chaperone. But if he thinks he can take my place as her father he has another think coming. And if he lays a finger on her," he continued menacingly, "he will not live to see the sunrise."

Kyoya knew that was not an idle threat.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Haruhi, are you okay? You were in there a long time," Tamaki said when he saw her come out of the restroom.

"Yeah. Sorry, senpai. I think it was something I ate," she answered, holding her stomach as if it hurt.

Tamaki grimaced in sympathy and nodded. He said, "Hopefully the food I ordered will settle your stomach. It's from the best restaurant I know! My dad and I go there sometimes. You'll love it!"

"You ordered food?" asked Haruhi. In all the commotion of the boxes, Tamaki, and her messed-up psyche, she had forgotten all about dinner. Now her stomach was making her painfully aware of the lapse. It grumbled loudly. Haruhi blushed in embarrassment. Stupid traitorous stomach.

Tamaki heard the grumbling and laughed. "Sounds like I ordered food just in time! Though it will take a while to get here. Do you have any snacks to tide us over until then?" he asked, looking around curiously.

The thought of her perpetually exuberant friend staying for dinner when she was feeling so miserable wasn't very appealing, so she said, "Um, Tamaki, not to be rude, but I need to call the twins and get my homework, and it's probably going to take me a long time to do-"

Before she could say anything more, Tamaki cut her off. "Your homework, of course! I almost forgot!" he cried, slapping a hand to his forehead. "When you invited me over, I called the twins and had them email me your homework and class notes. It's all here on my laptop!" He went to his satchel and pulled said laptop out and set it on the living room table.

Haruhi groaned. "You told the twins you were coming over here?" she asked.

"Yeah," Tamaki confirmed, "and they didn't like it one bit. It took a lot of convincing on my part to keep them from just showing up at your door. I'm surprised they haven't called you."

"I bet they did, but I think my phone is on silent," Haruhi said and went into her bedroom where she'd left her phone. She checked, and sure enough the ringer was off, and she had a dozen more messages now than she did before she called Tamaki. Several were from Hikaru and Kaoru. They were obviously hurt that she had asked Tamaki over to her house and not them. Haruhi sighed. She should have known they would react that way, especially since she hadn't even responded to any of their earlier calls and texts. She should have done that right after she called Tamaki. She should have responded to _all_ her friends' messages while she waited for Tamaki. Instead she had. . . she had. . .

Wait, what _had_ she done while she waited for Tamaki? She found she couldn't remember. Haruhi rubbed her temples, her worry climbing. Normally she wouldn't have thought much of it, but with her mind being broken now she had to wonder: was this a fluke, or was she starting to suffer from memory loss? She tried to recall the events of the day and of every day since the incident. There were some parts of each day that she remembered, and some parts she didn't. Yet that was nothing new. So she didn't have memory loss, right? But then again, if she did, would she be able to tell?

"Haruhi, are you okay? Do you have a headache?" asked Tamaki, a worried frown on his face.

"Yeah, a little," Haruhi said, dropping her hands. "But it's fine. I just need to eat something."

Tamaki nodded. "Okay, let's get you some food," he said. "But not too much, you don't want to spoil your appetite. I ordered fancy tuna!" He clapped his hands together in joy.

Haruhi's eyes lit up. She had to laugh. Tamaki knew her all too well. She decided it might not be a bad thing to have him stay for dinner after all.

They walked into the kitchen and Haruhi started pulling out snacks. Tamaki started jabbering about this and that, and Haruhi made very sure to stay involved in the conversation and not let her attention lag. As soon as she had set everything out, her phone beeped again, alerting her to a text message. It was Hikaru, naturally. He was threatening to come bust down her door if she didn't respond this time. Haruhi sighed.

"Sorry, senpai, but I need to respond to this," she told Tamaki. Just then, the doorbell rang. "That's probably the food. You get that and set everything out. I need to respond to my messages. Don't worry, it won't take long," she said and went into her room, closing the door before Tamaki could protest. She was grateful for the timing of the food delivery. If Tamaki didn't have that to divert him, he'd have probably tried to take her phone away and type the text messages himself, especially the ones to the 'fair maidens.' He could be overbearing in his attempts to help her sometimes.

From inside her room, Haruhi heard Tamaki open the door and talk to the visitor. Haruhi couldn't hear exactly what was said, but it sounded like it was, indeed, the food delivery. Haruhi let out a breath of relief. For a second she had worried that it really was a Hitachiin twin or two coming to bust down her door. She quickly composed a message and sent it to all the host club members in a group text.

 _Thanks for checking up on me, everyone. Don't worry, I'm fine. I'm sorry I didn't get back to you all sooner; it's been an eventful day. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. TTYL (Talk To You Later)_

She looked over her messages from everyone not in the host club and sent them all individual text messages. Those were a little more personalized, but equally brief, and she deliberately did NOT promise to meet any of the girls one-on-one. While she was sending out all those messages, she received a deluge of responses from her group text to the hosts. The twins (mostly Hikaru, but Kaoru, too) demanded to know why she had invited Tamaki over instead of them. Hunny was glad she was ok, but when he saw the Hitachiins' texts, he, too, was curious as to why Tamaki was there and said he and Mori wanted to come over as well. Mori agreed with a simple "Yeah." Haruhi mentally berated herself as each message came in. She should have texted each host separately so they couldn't read each others' responses, then she wouldn't have everyone clamoring to come over tonight like Tamaki. Well, almost everyone. Kyoya was more concerned over her doctor's appointment.

There was a knock at her bedroom door and Tamaki's voice came out, "Haruhi, are you done yet? The food is getting cold."

"Sorry, senpai, I'm almost finished," Haruhi replied. She quickly finished texting everyone outside the club, then sent one final group-text to the hosts:

 _Tamaki is here because he is helping me with a problem with some of our host club guests. I'm sure he'll explain all about it at club tomorrow. I'll tell you all about my doctor's appointment then, too. Right now I just want to eat, do homework, and go to bed. TTYL_

As she got up and went to the door, her phone beeped. Fearing it was more badgering from the Hitachiins, she was surprised to see it was a text from Kyoya. What was even more of a surprise was that it was a private text asking if Tamaki was going to stay until her father came home. Haruhi didn't know why he cared. Then she remembered her dad telling her that he talked with Kyoya often about her. Had he talked to Kyoya after her disastrous appointment? Had he asked Kyoya to make sure she wasn't alone? Probably. Half grateful, half irritated, she text back a quick 'Yes,' turned her phone to silent again, and went to join Tamaki for dinner.

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	15. Chapter 15

**So this scene was supposed to be a lot shorter and I was going to get to the analogy of the drunken monkey in this chapter, but my muse apparently had other ideas. I cut the scene in two (I hope it's two, though knowing my muse it'll probably be more than that), and I'll get to the drunken monkey later on. I'll also get to Tamaki's grand scheme and the second quote that inspired this fanfic.**

 **Eventually.**

 **I also hope to finish and publish the next in the Host Club Parents series, and publish some other stories floating around in my head.**

 **Eventually.**

 **(^.^)**

 **Anyhow, I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

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Chapter 15

Tamaki was so happy to be able to provide such a fancy meal for his daughter. Haruhi enjoyed good food more than anyone else he knew. Whenever she tasted something delicious, the look on her face showed that she was in absolute heaven. It was so cute! He figured every daddy felt that way when they were able to provide something that brought their child so much joy. It would be especially wonderful to do that for Haruhi after all she'd been through lately. If Tamaki could take that look of sadness and pain off her face and replace it with a smile, he would die a happy man. It didn't matter if he spent all his money, sold all his possessions and lived in a box. It would be worth it to see her smile.

Unfortunately, the response he got when he gave Haruhi the fancy tuna he ordered was not the response he wanted. Oh, Haruhi smiled when she took her first bite of it, but it wasn't the smile of bliss that usually graced her face when she ate that particular dish. There was something off about it. Tamaki couldn't quite put his finger on what, but it saddened him. As their meal progressed, he realized that she wasn't really eating, just moving her food around on her plate. What was going on? She loved fancy tuna. She loved it as much as he loved playing the piano. Treating her to fancy tuna should have cheered her up, at least a little. Yet it did nothing for her. Tamaki felt a stab in his heart. If fancy tuna didn't work, then she was in more pain than he had thought.

He had his grand scheme in the works, but that had to wait for tomorrow. In the meantime, he had to find another way to get her spirits up. So he tried conversation. As king of the host club, his conversational skills were superb. He could make any princess giggle and sigh. Of course he couldn't talk to a poor princess the way he talked to rich princesses. That would just make her feel bad about her poverty. For example, how could he compare her beauty to the sunsets over the River Seine when she had never seen the River Seine? If he mentioned the sunsets over the River Seine, her heart would develop a longing to see those sunsets above those beautiful waters. She would fall into the depths of despair, knowing that a poor girl like herself would never - could never - see the celestial sunsets over the glorious River Seine, never even leave the impoverished slum in which she was born. She would stand on the balcony outside her poor commoner's dwelling every day at dusk, watching the ordinary, commoners' sunsets over her poor commoners' district, and a tear would fall from her cheek, while the wind whipped her hair, and with a sorrowful heart, she would dream of a life which could never be.

"Oh, Haruhi! I'll give you that life! I'll take you to the River Seine! Don't fall into the depths of despair!" cried Tamaki, throwing his arms around Haruhi in a bone-crushing hug.

"STOP IT, SENPAI!" Haruhi yelled, and she grabbed her plate of fancy tuna and cracked him over the head with it.

"Ouch!" Tamaki cried, letting go of Haruhi and falling on his butt. The gourmet meal was splattered all over him and a knot started to form on his skull.

Haruhi looked at the mess and demanded angrily, "What are you babbling about, senpai? The River Seine? You think I'm in the depths of despair because I haven't seen the River Seine? Are you insane?"

"I'm sorry, Haruhi. I guess I just got lost in my inner mind theater," Tamaki said contritely. He felt horrible. Once again, he had hurt his precious daughter. Where were those hot coals he could walk barefoot on instead? They would feel like fluffy clouds compared to the pain in his heart.

Haruhi closed her eyes and began rubbing her temples. Tamaki couldn't tell for sure, but for a minute it looked as if she was about to cry. Instead, she took a few deep breaths to calm herself. "It's alright, senpai," she said without opening her eyes. "Just help me clean this up."

Not knowing what to say, Tamaki got up and grabbed some paper towels. He began cleaning up the food that fell on the floor while Haruhi gathered the dishes on the table. He noticed that the plate she hit him with was broken. It was now in two large pieces with several tiny pieces scattered on the floor. "Haruhi," he asked, "how do I clean up a broken dish? There are pieces of that plate all over the floor."

Though Haruhi's back was to him, he could see her flinch. She was rinsing off the dishes in the kitchen sink, but at his words she put her hands on the counter and lowered her head. Her whole body started shaking. What was going on? Was she that upset about the broken plate? She was a poor commoner, after all. Maybe she couldn't afford to buy a new plate.

"I'm sorry about the plate, Haruhi," he said. "I'll buy you a new one. I'll buy you a whole new set of dishes."

Haruhi made a sound. Was she laughing? Crying? Muttering curses at him? Maybe she was mad at him for not knowing how to clean up the mess. She was often short-tempered with him when he proved to be inept at things she found simple.

"It might sound silly to you, me not knowing how to clean up a simple mess," he said softly. "But I've always had maids and servants to do that sort of thing for me. I don't know how to look after myself the way you do. I'm not independent like you." He hoped she heard the compliment in his words.

Haruhi took a deep breath. "That's right, I am independent," she said, half to herself. "I can look after myself."

Tamaki couldn't tell for sure since her back was to him, but he thought she wiped her eyes. She then filled a cup with water and drank it. After a minute she said, "There's a broom and dustpan in the hallway closet, along with some paper bags. Bring them out and I'll show you how to use them." Though her voice sounded more normal, she still didn't turn around to look at him. He wondered how mad she was at him for grabbing her like that. After what she went through, his unexpected hug must have scared her really badly. He hung his head as he walked to the closet. He really, really wanted those hot coals.

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	16. Chapter 16

**A/n: At this time, Haruhi does not yet know of Tamaki's family situation.**  
 **Also, at this time no one in the host club had ever seen Haruhi freak out over thunderstorms (except the night of the attack when she was freaking out over everything). The only host who knows of her astraphobia is Kyoya, and Haruhi does not know he knows.**

 **Trivia: fear of thunderstorms is called astraphobia, brontophobia, keraunophobia, or tonitrophobia.**

 **Brontophobia sounds to me like a fear of brontosaurs, such as the Flintstones' pet Dino. Astraphobia sounds like astro-phobia, fear of the Jetsons' pet dog, Astro. Coincidence? Uh, yeah. Still, I thought it was amusing. I wonder if there are any cartoon pets whose names sound like kerauno or tonitro. :)**

 **(Ok, Dino was a "snorkasaurus," but I like my version better, lol!)**

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Chapter 16

While Tamaki went to get the cleaning supplies, Haruhi looked out of the kitchen window and mentally shook her head. Her senpai really was an idiot. A rich, spoiled idiot. He didn't know anything about real life and real problems. Yet, he had been able to help her, as Kyoya said he would. He did it unwittingly, of course, but maybe he had helped Kyoya and the others unwittingly, too. Either way, he had given her the answer to her inner struggle.

She splashed water on her face to wash away any sign of crying and dried off with a kitchen towel. It was decided. She couldn't get out of telling the host club about what happened at the doctor's office even had she wanted to, but there was no need to tell them anything else. She was fully capable of handling her attention deficits, her flashbacks, and her other negative thoughts and emotions herself, and she would. Somehow, she would.

"I've got the cleaning supplies," Tamaki said hesitantly as he returned. He moved slowly, as if afraid to say or do something else that might upset her. Haruhi sighed inwardly. Tamaki's trepidation was her fault. When he had glomped her earlier, he had only been acting the way he always acted. In the six months since Haruhi joined the club, she had gotten used to his excessive enthusiasm. Now that she thought about it, however, she had to admit she had actually started to enjoy it. Tamaki had so much _life_ to him! He was passionate, lively, optimistic, and creative - the epitome of the French _joie de vivre_. It was because of him that the host club thrived. He was the reason all the hosts in the club had fun and all the princesses kept coming back. As her father's friend Misuzu would say, Tamaki was very refreshing. Haruhi hadn't seen him in that light before. She had been too focused on how obnoxious, annoying, and exasperating he was. Yet now she could finally understand how his vibrancy made everything brighter. How much he made everything brighter.

Why could she only see that when it was gone?

All the exuberance and _joie de vivre_ had disappeared from Tamaki. It had been sucked away by Haruhi, the way it had been at the club meeting yesterday. Haruhi felt the guilt settle in her chest and decided to rectify things. She gave Tamaki a smile she didn't feel and said, "Thanks, senpai."

To her relief, Tamaki visibly relaxed at her change in demeanor. He returned to his normal self (albeit a little calmer than usual), and carefully followed her instructions as she taught him how to clean up the mess. When the broken pieces were safely in the paper bag and the paper bag was disposed of in the dumpster outside, Tamaki looked at the floor and said happily, "There, all clean! Thanks to my beautiful, intelligent daughter!"

Haruhi rolled her eyes. Only Tamaki could act like an excited four-year-old and still call someone his daughter. In a dry voice, she said, "Yes, senpai, it's all clean."

 _Clean and bright and beautiful. Persevere and be better for it._

Haruhi paused as the words from her conversation with Mori-senpai and Hunny-senpai ran through her mind. The memory lifted her spirits and brought a small but genuine smile to her face. She looked at Tamaki, wanting to share her good feelings with him. Changing her tone from dry to cheerful, she said, "You really helped, senpai. Thank you."

Tamaki's face lit up as if she had given him the best birthday present ever. She could tell he wanted to hug her, but instead he gave her a thumbs up saying, "We make a great team! A great daddy/daughter team!"

Haruhi shook her head at his nuttiness, but kept the smile on her face. She put the broom and dustpan away then said, "Now that that's done, I need to do my homework. You said you have it?"

"Yes!" answered Tamaki, opening his laptop and powering it up. "The twins scanned their handwritten notes and emailed them to me. I can print them out for you. Is your printer turned on?"

"Uh, printer?" asked Haruhi.

Tamaki looked at her. "You don't have a printer?" he asked, incredulously. Haruhi shook her head. "I'm so sorry, Haruhi! I didn't mean to insult you!" he said, horrified at himself. "I'll go out and buy you a printer right now!" He leapt up and started towards the door.

Haruhi quickly slapped a hand on his shoulder to stop him and said, "Wait, senpai! I don't need a printer!" She was about to say she didn't even have a computer, but bit her tongue. She knew what would happen if he heard that. Instead, she said, "I'll just copy down the notes from your laptop screen."

"Very well!" he cried, setting it up. "And while you do that, I'll start on my own homework."

Haruhi would rather be alone, but there was no helping it if she wanted to catch up on the classes she missed today. So, she borrowed pen and paper from Tamaki (hers was buried somewhere behind all the boxes) and set to work.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Tamaki sat next to Haruhi at her living room table, his eyes on her almost as much as on his books. He remembered Kaoru's report on how she behaved in class and now he could see it for himself. Haruhi truly wasn't herself. He had seen her study before, and she always dove into it with the same single-minded focus that Kyoya did. She would sometimes think out loud, working out problems or committing something to memory. You could practically feel the intelligence radiate from her when she completed her assignments, and the way her face lit up whenever she finally understood a difficult concept was adorable. Yet now she had difficulty concentrating and doing anything productive. He often caught her staring off into space with a sad expression, before taking a sharp breath and shaking her head as if to clear it. A few times he could swear he saw tears form in her eyes, though they never fell. He wondered what was going on behind those big chocolate eyes.

Even with his attention half on Haruhi, Tamaki managed to complete his homework in about an hour. He put his pencil down and leaned over to check Haruhi's work. He could see she hadn't turned a page in her French textbook in the last fifteen minutes. He leaned over further and his right arm brushed her left, but she didn't seem to notice. She just continued to stare unseeingly at her French essay. He read what she had written. The essay appeared to be only half done, and was filled with grammatical and vocabulary mistakes besides. That was odd. If Haruhi had trouble with her French homework, she would have asked him for help. He was from France after all, and she had come to him with questions before. Yet now she didn't seem to even register his existence. She was lost in her own sad world, and it hurt his heart to see it.

"Haruhi, what's wrong?" he asked gently, giving her a slight nudge.

Haruhi gave a start. "What? Oh, senpai. Uh, wrong? Um, nothing's wrong," she babbled and gave a nervous chuckle. "Uh, well, I guess I am having trouble with my French homework. Do you take French?"

Tamaki looked at her in surprise, then his face filled with concern. "No, Haruhi, I don't take French," he said, still gently.

Her eyes went wide and her face turned red as she realized who she was talking to. She scratched the back of her head and nervously chuckled, "Oh, right. Duh. Of course you don't take French. You could probably teach it. Uh, yeah. So can you help me? I'm supposed to write about what I want to be when I grow up, but I keep getting the future tense and the past tense mixed up."

Tamaki tilted his head to look at her. "I can certainly help you with your French homework, Haruhi, but I don't think it's the tenses that's giving you trouble. I think your mind is elsewhere," he observed.

"Maybe a little," she admitted reluctantly. "But it's not a big deal. I just have to focus better and not let my mind wander. That's all."

Tamaki could see right through her. She was trying to downplay her problems for his benefit, and he cared too much about her to let her get away with it. He reached out and put his hand over hers. "Haruhi, you're having difficulty concentrating. That's not like you at all. You're the best student in your class. When the best student is losing focus, there's something really wrong." He waited for a few moments to give Haruhi a chance to speak, but she didn't say anything. She just stared at their joined hands, transfixed.

Tamaki looked at her for a few more moments. God, she was beautiful. She was also in pain. He wanted to take her into his arms and hold her. He wanted to kiss her and make it all better. He settled for replacing his right hand with his left, and using his right hand to stroke her hair. She jerked up in surprise, looking as though she were coming out of a trance.

Tamaki continued to stroke her hair as he said in a soft voice, "You know, Haruhi, when I was in France I learned as much as I could about Japanese culture, hoping I would come here someday." He gave a small chuckle. "Turns out most of what I learned was wrong. But I did study a little about Buddhism. When you mentioned a drunken monkey before, it reminded me of one of Buddha's teachings. *Buddha described the human mind as being filled with drunken monkeys, jumping around, screeching, chattering, carrying on endlessly. We all have monkey minds, Buddha said, with dozens of monkeys all clamoring for attention.*"

Haruhi watched him, now appearing transfixed with his voice. She seemed to be absorbing every word he said. That was good. He stopped stroking her hair and instead took both of her hands in his.

He continued, "*Buddha showed his students how to meditate in order to tame the drunken monkeys in their minds. It's useless to fight with the monkeys or to try to banish them from your mind because, as all know, that which you resist persists. Instead, Buddha said, if you will spend some time each day in quiet meditation – simply calm your mind by focusing on your breathing or a simple mantra – you can, over time, tame the monkeys. They will grow more peaceful if you lovingly bring them into submission with a consistent practice of meditation . . . Meditation is a wonderful way to quiet the voices of fear, anxiety, worry and other negative emotions.*"

"Is that what you do, senpai? Meditate?" Haruhi asked.

Tamaki chuckled a little. "Me? No. I tried it when I first learned about it, but I didn't stick with it. I probably should get back to it. A lot of people say it's really helpful for them," he said. His eyes grew downcast. "Maybe it will help me when I get depressed."

Haruhi's brow furrowed. "You? You get depressed? I find that hard to believe," she said.

Tamaki tilted his head and smiled. He said, "Everyone gets depressed sometimes, Haruhi. Even me. Living in an ivory tower doesn't keep someone from having serious problems, you know. It's a part of life."

Haruhi looked down, apparently abashed. Tamaki wondered in that moment if she understood his rich world as little as he understood her commoner one. Going to Ouran and being a part of the host club only gave her a glimpse of high society life. So far she had mostly seen the glamorous and fun parts of it. She had yet to see much of the pressures and heartache that went with it.

This conversation was getting gloomy. It was time to lighten it up a bit. He let go of her hands and with his usual grand gestures said, "Well, my princess, it seems as if you have a drunken monkey mind! Should I call you Princess Drunken Monkey? Wait, not Drunken Monkey. A lady such as yourself should never get drunk! So just Princess Monkey! Oh! That's it!" He jumped up and grabbed the box with the drawing on it, once again holding it tight like a stuffed animal. "You be Princess Monkey, and I'll get you a Prince Monkey! You two will be the perfect pair! And as the Prince Monkey is really modeled after me, that means you and I will be the perfect pair!" He babbled on, knowing that Haruhi was groaning and rolling her eyes at his antics, but also that she was smiling on the inside. That was all he really wanted.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

 **Author's notes:**  
 **Tamaki has finally redeemed himself! Yay! I'm so happy I could have him do that, since I think he's a great character yet a lot of fanfictioners seem to dislike him. I don't ship him and Haruhi in fanfic because I think no fanfic of them could live up to Bisco Hatori's original version, yet it makes me sad to see him bashed all the time. Thus, I tried to portray him as I see him: a flawed but still very real blessing to all who know him.**

 **I'm also glad I got to finish this scene in just two chapters. I thought for sure my muse would stretch it out more but I wanted to get to the next scene. I guess my muse is a drunken monkey muse and I managed to tame her! LOL!**

 **Have I myself tried meditation? Yep. Have I had the discipline to try it for more than a couple weeks? Nope. I'll have to try it again. Maybe it will help me be productive and actually work on my stories rather than putting them off. I'm sure all my wonderful readers would appreciate that!**

 **The first time I heard about this Buddhist teaching in psychology class, my professor called it the 'drunken monkey mind.' Years later when I looked it up online, I found that almost everyone simply calls it the 'monkey mind.' I haven't studied the original teachings so I have no idea what Buddha called it, but I think 'drunken monkey' is funnier. I'm so glad I found the online article that not only called it a 'drunken monkey,' but explained it in a way that was perfect for this story. Yay, internet!**

 ***Gallagher, BJ. "Buddha: How to Tame Your Monkey Mind." Huffingtonpost dot com /bj-gallagher/buddha-how-to-tame-your-m_b_945793 .html**

 **Posted 09/03/2011. Accessed 06/07/2019.**  
 **(The sentences in between the asterisks are taken verbatim.)**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/n: When I first got the inspiration for this story last September (2018), I spent the first couple months just writing it for myself, not expecting to publish it. As I said before, I have no first-hand experience with this particular trauma, and I didn't want to presume on such a sensitive subject. I thought the story would just be the attack and the first few days after it, followed by Tamaki's grand scheme to help Haruhi and a short wrap-up. Five chapters at most. When I started writing this, however, the first ten chapters or so just burst out of me like water from a dam! As a new writer, it was quite the rush! I had a feeling that there was a reason I was given such inspiration and that I shouldn't hide it, so I decided to publish it. Many reviewers have told me they like this story, and I've even had a couple readers tell me they've been helped by it which is soooo gratifying!**

 **Then the ideas slowed to a trickle and I couldn't figure out where to go next or how to get to Tamaki's grand scheme (or even if I should forget about his scheme altogether, or have his scheme be there but not as the climax of the story). Fortunately, I had some wonderful reviewers pm me and give me encouragement and advice. MollyMuffinHead actually gave me the idea for one of the following scenes (thank you sooooo much, MollyMuffinHead!). That's how I get paid for writing – not with money, but with reads, reviews, followers, faves, and above all, pm conversations with other fanfic lovers! I sometimes get discouraged when I read other fanfics (and other books and writings in general), since I know I have a loooong way to go before I'm up to the level of excellence many other writers show. Yet, I know that the best way to become a better writer is to keep writing and to get feedback from others. So please, whether you like the story or have some constructive criticism, let me know. If you don't know where to start, then you can say something like, "I loved the part where . . ." or "I didn't like the part where . . ." Don't worry, you won't hurt my feelings. Also, if I can figure out how to open it to guest reviews, I'll do that. I know many of you read stories on this site without going through the trouble of creating an account, and I want to hear from you all as well.**

 **Thanks so much! Now on with the story.**

 **(Trigger Warning: Haruhi has flashbacks of the attack in this chapter, though they're brief. I didn't think about posting TWs on individual chapters since there's one at the beginning of the story, but I've since read other fanfics that have specific TWs on individual chapters, so I figure I'll do that as well just in case. When I have time, I'll go back and add them to previous chapters.)**

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Chapter 17

"I DON'T CARE IF I WAS ON VACATION, THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN REPORTED TO ME IMMEDIATELY!"

The angry voice bellowed from inside an office and rang throughout the Ohtori mansion. It nearly drowned out the sound of the front doorbell. Kyoya was walking down a hall a good ways away from the office, yet the voice was so loud it would have made him flinch if he had not kept such a tight rein on himself. The maid who passed him on her way to answering the front door _did_ flinch, though none of the anger was directed at her. Kyoya didn't blame her. It wasn't often that her employer's inner demon raged like this, but when it did, it was freaking terrifying.

"WE PAY YOU TO PROTECT OUR FAMILY AND OUR GUESTS, NOT PLAY WITH SEASHELLS ON THE BEACH WHILE A TEENAGE GIRL GETS ATTACKED!"

Kyoya walked to the entryway and waited to see who had arrived, though he was pretty sure he knew who it was. He hoped he was wrong, but it was unlikely. Not many people visited his home at 9:00 PM on a weeknight. Whoever it was, Kyoya would bet they could hear the screaming from outside and already regretted their visit. As the maid opened the door, the demon's bellow drowned out her greeting.

"I OUGHT TO FIRE THE LOT OF YOU AND SEE TO IT THAT NONE OF YOU WORK IN JAPAN AGAIN!"

Kyoya felt rather than heard the presence of someone else moving around. He turned to see his older sister Fuyumi creeping down the hall to peek into the demon's office. Whether or not the late-night guest at the door regretted their visit, Kyoya was sure Fuyumi did. Her eyes were wide, her face pale, and she looked more than a little worried. She was too focused on what was going on inside the office to notice him, though.

"What's going on?" Tamaki asked in a frightened voice, grabbing Kyoya's shoulders and hiding behind his back. Kyoya jumped. He had been correct in the identity of his visitor – unfortunately – but hadn't noticed him come in.

"BUT I CAN'T DO THAT WITHOUT MY HUSBAND FINDING OUT ABOUT THE INCIDENT, WHICH WOULD BE A DISASTER! SO YOU IDIOTS ALL GET TO KEEP YOUR JOBS, BUT TRUST ME WHEN I SAY YOU WILL ALL PAY FOR THIS!"

"Is that your _mom_ screaming?" asked Tamaki in shock. "I don't think I've ever heard her scream before. She's always so nice!"

It was true. Kyoya's father was a cold, critical man, but his mother was always gentle and cheerful. Fuyumi's personality came from her. Kyoya could count on one hand the number of times he had known his mother to lose her temper. When she did, though, she became a demon even other demons would fear.

Kyoya didn't answer Tamaki. He just nodded his head in the direction of his room, indicating they should wait to talk there. Tamaki literally ran down the hall to escape the yelling. Kyoya was too dignified to run, but he didn't exactly lag behind, either. He hated it when his mother yelled, but more importantly, he hated the incident she was yelling about.

Kyoya followed Tamaki into his room and shut the door behind them carefully, blocking out the sound of his mother's raging. He wanted to slam it, but he couldn't give in to the simmering volcano of anger and guilt inside him. Maintaining his usual cool outward demeanor, Kyoya turned around and walked passed Tamaki.

"Kyoya, what's go-" Tamaki began, but Kyoya cut him off.

"Tamaki, what are you doing here? Haruhi texted that you would be staying with her until her father came home, which isn't for another few hours," Kyoya asked crisply, not looking at his friend. He sat at the table on the floor in front of his couch and opened his laptop.

"Haruhi said she wanted to go to bed and would be fine by herself," Tamaki answered. He sounded worried, though not for Haruhi, Kyoya was sure.

"Then go back and sit outside her front door until her father comes home," Kyoya commanded in a cold, clipped voice. He started typing furiously.

"Kyoya, what was your mom-" Tamaki tried again.

"Now is not a good time to discuss my mother or anything else, Tamaki. I have a lot of work to do. If you won't go to Haruhi's then go home," Kyoya said. His voice was still cold, but his insides were roiling.

Tamaki came to stand next to Kyoya. "You're shaking," he observed, sounding more worried than before.

Kyoya looked down at his hands and saw that Tamaki was right. He looked at the words he'd been typing and saw that most of them were gobbledygook. He was losing control of himself again. If he didn't do something, he would end up smashing things. Again. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, clenching and relaxing his fists in an effort to stop the shaking.

Tamaki very prudently closed Kyoya's laptop and set it on a shelf out of Kyoya's reach, then sat down on the floor next to his friend. "Kyoya, _mon ami_ , what's going on?" he asked softly.

Kyoya regained control over himself, though when he spoke, his voice was still strained with suppressed emotion. "It's about what happened to Haruhi," he said. "My mom found out about it when she came home from her vacation a few hours ago. A guest of the Ohtori family on Ohtori property attacked by a petty drunk, while the Onion Squad was present but distracted doing other things. Well, three guests attacked, actually, and by two drunks, but one of them . . ." He trailed off as a wave of rage coursed through him again. He took deep breaths and continued to clench and unclench his fists.

"And your mom is angry about it?" prodded Tamaki, deliberately pulling Kyoya's mind back to the present.

"Of course she's angry. She's been tearing into the Onion Squad and anyone else who knew what had happened since she found out," Kyoya said.

"Including you?" Tamaki asked worriedly.

"Not me, no," Kyoya said. Abruptly the rage left him to be replaced by shame. "In between yelling at whomever she could get her hands on, she came in here to tell me she didn't blame me. She said that the Onion Squad was responsible for everyone's safety and for keeping her informed, not me. She said that the Onion Squad should have known to post guards at the entrances to the beach and keep a watchful eye on anyone who wandered away from the rest of the group whether or not they were told to. She said I handled the situation in the best way I knew how, and she's proud of me for seeing that the two girls got medical attention right away and Haruhi . . ." he trailed off.

"Haruhi . . .?" prodded Tamaki.

"My mom thanked me for doing what I could for her," Kyoya mumbled, his eyes downcast.

"Well good. Your mom's not mad at you. She said you did well. So what's the problem-" he cut off as realization apparently dawned on him. He said, "You think it _was_ your fault that Haruhi got attacked, since you were the one who organized the event, and you were the Ohtori who was there. You let the Onion Squad spend their time filling the beach with seashells and stuff for Hunny-senpai to collect."

Kyoya didn't have to say anything to confirm that his best friend was right, and he didn't want to speak anyway for fear that if he did, the dam inside him would burst. He just looked down, deliberately avoiding Tamaki's eyes.

Tamaki continued, "Your mom's right, you know. You're not a seasoned veteran in special security like the members of the Onion Squad. You haven't had years of training like they have. No one expects you to know everything yet."

Kyoya glared at Tamaki out of the corner of his eye. The idiot should have known better than to say something like that to him.

Usually when Kyoya gave Tamaki his death glare, Tamaki would run and hide in his overdramatic way. Yet that was when it was something trivial, such as when Kyoya was angry with him for trying to drag him out of bed. This was different. This was serious, and Tamaki knew it.

"Kyoya, you're seventeen. Do you think your father knew everything at seventeen? Do you think your father hasn't made mistakes? I bet if you asked your mom, she could tell you all sorts of things your father did to mess things up, even when he knew better. Yet, with all his faults, he still became the leader of the Ohtori group and is a respected and feared businessman," Tamaki said.

"My father never did anything that led to something as horrible as this. Haruhi . . . she didn't deserve this. She's torn up about it. Ranka is torn up about it. I've been talking to him every day since the attack, and I don't know what to do. I tried to talk to Haruhi but it didn't do any good. I don't know how to help . . ." he trailed off and looked sideways at Tamaki. "I feel completely powerless," he finished in a whisper. He would not have admitted that to any other guy in the world, especially not his father or his brothers. Tamaki, though, was his best friend. He wouldn't pounce on Kyoya's weakness. He wouldn't think less of him. Kyoya sometimes confided in his mother or his sister, but there were some things that they would never understand. His best friend did.

Tamaki said, "I think you've been a bigger help to Haruhi and her dad than you give yourself credit for. None of the rest of us have talked to Ranka at all." He looked ashamed at that admission. "You say you tried to talk to her and it didn't help, but I think knowing that she has a friend in you helped more than you realize. Plus, Kaoru told me that you asked him and Hikaru to hang out with her and cheer her up. Open displays of emotion aren't your strong suit, so you delegated that task to others. Isn't that the mark of a good leader: to know what your resources are and to use them to their best effect? To acknowledge your own limitations and to enlist the help of experts? Your father doesn't know much about law or human resources or open-heart surgery, though his business as a whole requires those things. You think he beats himself up over that? You think he tries to do everything by himself? No. He hires experts for those things and lets them do their jobs, and he takes care of the things that he's good at. You do that, too."

Kyoya looked at him, starting to feel better. His mother had said much the same thing, but Tamaki knew how to put it in such a way that it actually got through to him.

Tamaki continued, "You are a great leader, Kyoya. Even better than your father. Do you know why? Because you have one thing your father doesn't: a heart. You love your family and your friends. You would do anything for us. I think in your place your father wouldn't care that Haruhi is torn up emotionally. He wouldn't talk to her dad every day. He would have seen that she got medical care and maybe given her some money, but that's it. You, though? You care. And that is why you're going to be the best businessman ever." He grinned. "Second to me, of course," he added, waving his arms in a dramatic gesture.

Kyoya snorted, but he felt much lighter. Tamaki could always make him feel better – when he wasn't making Kyoya want to throttle him, of course. Tamaki stood up and started to rhapsodize about how wonderful he himself was, and how Kyoya was the perfect second in command. He went on about how their next cosplay should be superheroes, and that the two of them would make the best superhero/sidekick team ever. Tamaki would beat the supervillains (the twins), save the damsels in distress (the guests), and awe the female reporter (Haruhi), while Kyoya would fight the villains' minions (Hunny and Mori), and say funny one-liners to provide comic relief.

Kyoya rolled his eyes, knowing his friend was acting like a buffoon to cheer him up. It both annoyed him and made him happy – something only Tamaki was able to pull off. He stood up, nonchalantly knocked Tamaki onto the floor, stepped on his head, and said, "Sleep-talk when you're asleep."

Tamaki whined and squirmed under Kyoya's foot until he let him up. Kyoya instantly regretted releasing Tamaki when the blond gave him his puppy-dog eyes. Kyoya tried to ignore those eyes, but no matter how many times Tamaki pulled those on him, Kyoya was never able to say no. "Very well, we'll have a superhero cosplay," he capitulated. Then he smiled evilly. "But I get to be the criminal mastermind."

Tamaki shrank back dramatically at the sinister look on his friend's face, then he grinned. "You're perfect for it!" he said cheerfully.

Kyoya grabbed his laptop and sat back down at the table, setting it up. Tamaki sat next to him, and looked like he was going to say something when a noise from outside the bedroom reached their ears. It sounded like someone had walked up to Kyoya's door and was about to knock on it when Fuyumi's voice called out from down the hall, "Mother, now's not a good time to talk to Kyoya. His friend Tamaki is in there visiting him." There was the sound of his mother going back the way she came, and starting a muffled conversation with Fuyumi that faded as they walked away. Kyoya sat perfectly still during this whole exchange, then when it was done, he continued working on his laptop as if nothing had happened. Except now all his feelings of happiness or mirth were gone.

Tamaki looked at him worriedly and asked, "I heard your mom say that she can't fire the Onion Squad even though she wants to since your father would find out everything, and it would be a disaster if he did. What's she talking about? What disaster?"

Kyoya sighed, but continued working. "She thinks if he finds out he'll blame me," he answered. "She says that not only would he not choose me as his heir, he might disown me completely and kick me out of the house." He paused, his brow furrowing in confusion. "I don't know why. My brothers have made mistakes that resulted in damages to the business, though I'm not supposed to know about those. My father always got angry and punished them one way or another, but he's never gone so far as to disown them and kick them out. As you said, he probably wouldn't care that much for Haruhi's well-being, and any money lost to the family wouldn't be that much in comparison to what my brothers have lost the business. So I don't understand why he would go that far."

"And your mom didn't say?" asked Tamaki.

"No," replied Kyoya, "she evaded the question when I asked her. She actually started crying a little, so I dropped it." If there was anything Kyoya hated worse than his mother yelling was his mother crying.

"Hmm," Tamaki said, as bewildered as Kyoya. The two boys sat in silence for a minute, trying and failing to fathom what was going on there.

Changing the subject, Kyoya asked, "So why are you here, anyway. If you weren't with Haruhi I'd have thought you'd go home to bed. We do have school tomorrow, you know."

"Oh!" Tamaki cried jumping up, his eyes sparkling. "I know how to help Haruhi! I need your help, though. I don't have the things I need at my house but you do here . . ."

Kyoya listened to Tamaki explain his latest scheme, and he thought it just might work.

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Haruhi sat on her futon mattress which was spread out on the floor. Her legs were crossed and her hands were palm up on her knees with her middle fingers touching her thumbs. She thought this was called lotus position, but she wasn't sure. She was only vaguely aware of how meditation worked, and she planned on going to the library to study up on it tomorrow, but in the meantime she figured she'd do what she could to 'tame the drunken monkeys.' Maybe it would help her sleep without drugs. Maybe, just maybe, it would help her sleep without the nightmares that plagued her every time she closed her eyes.

She was surprised when she heard a key fumbling in the lock at the front door. She opened her eyes and saw it was only 10:00 pm. Her dad wasn't due to be home until 3:00 am. Sure, he had left work early several times ever since . . . well, he had left work early to spend more time with her, but never _this_ early. It worried her.

Her worry increased as she went to the living room and heard what sounded like grumbling and keys being dropped on the porch outside the door. Was her father drunk? He used to come home drunk sometimes when he was particularly upset or stressed, but that hadn't happened in years. Her blood froze. Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe it was someone else trying to break in. She tried to tell herself that if they were trying to break in, they wouldn't be using keys. Only she, her father, and their landlady had keys to their apartment, and her landlady wouldn't just barge in like this. Even with Haruhi's logical reasoning, though, her pulse still raced.

The key eventually turned in the lock and the door burst open. It was indeed her father, and he was indeed drunk. "Haruhiiii!" he cried, tears in his eyes. He ran over and gave her a huge hug.

Haruhi froze. She smelled the alcohol on his breath and flashbacks of the last time someone with alcohol breath had his arms around her filled her senses. She couldn't think. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't tell where she was or who was really holding her. The fear she felt when thunderstorms raged was nothing compared to the absolute terror that filled her now. The man holding her loosened his grip and Haruhi knew with all her being that it was her only chance to escape. She saw the front door still open, pushed the man away and ran for it. She sprinted out into the night as fast as she could, faster than she had ever moved before. She didn't notice or care where she was going. She didn't notice or care that she was running on streets and sidewalks in her bare feet. She barely registered headlights in her vision in time to get out of the way of passing cars before she was hit. All she really perceived was the rough touch of *his* hands and body on hers. She could feel her throat hurting, her brain throbbing, and her lungs crying for air as *he* choked her. She could feel her clothing being ripped off her faster than she would have believed possible. Worst of all, she once again felt the painful shock like lightning that coursed horribly through her body as *he* invaded her and destroyed her innocence. She ran and ran to escape the pain, but it never left her. Eventually realizing that she was out of breath and her side was killing her from the unaccustomed exercise, she ducked into the nearest alley and hid herself behind a dumpster. She crouched down, covered her head in her hands and cried.

After an unknowable amount of time, she managed to get ahold of herself and looked around her. She didn't know where she was or, in fact, how she had gotten there. The last thing she remembered was being inside that cave on the beach. She slowly got up and walked out of the alley, her memories of her dad coming home drunk and everything after that slowly returning to her. She looked left and right, trying to orient herself to where she was. She had walked the streets of her neighborhood so many times that she knew every part of it by heart, but she must have run a very long way from home since nothing around her seemed familiar. Of course, it didn't help that the night was pitch black with no moon and only the occasional street light to cut the darkness with its orange glow. In the distance she saw a dimly-lit street sign but when she got close enough to read it, she didn't recognize the name. All of the nearby shops were dark and there wasn't a pay phone in sight.

What was she going to do? How was she going to get home?

Suddenly she became aware of a weight in her pocket and put her hand in it to discover the cell phone the twins had given her. That startled her. She normally didn't wear pajama bottoms with pockets, and she certainly never kept her phone on her when she was going to bed. Vaguely, she remembered putting on the pair of cutoff sweatpants with pockets that she thought she had thrown out (the host club and her dad thought she would wear any old rag, but even she had some standards). How had these cutoffs gotten in her room and what had possessed her to put them on? And why hadn't she plugged her phone in and left it next to her bed? It was such an ingrained habit to do that when she changed out of her day clothes into her pajamas that she did it without thinking. So why had she instead transferred her phone to the pockets of a ratty pair of shorts that she had – for whatever reason – worn to simply meditate and sleep?

After a moment, confusion was replaced by comprehension. A warm glow filled her heart, and a few tears – happy, relieved tears this time – fell down her cheeks.

"Thanks, Mom," she whispered to the presence she could feel around her. Then she opened her phone and hit the speed dial.

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"Mommy, how can you stay so calm?! Our little girl is out there somewhere lost and alone!" Tamaki cried, real tears in his eyes. He'd been hysterical ever since Kyoya received a call from a frantic Ranka. Currently the two boys were in the back of a Mercedes, riding up and down the streets near Haruhi's apartment looking for her.

For once, Kyoya could understand Tamaki's behavior. He was worried, too. Very worried. Especially after what happened the last time Haruhi had wandered out of their sight. Still, he managed to maintain his outward composure.

"I'm calm for the simple reason that panicking would do nothing to help Haruhi. It would only cloud our reason and make it more difficult to find her. She was on foot so she can't have gone far. I have almost the entire Onion Squad looking for her. Between them and us, we will find her before anything happens to her," Kyoya assured Tamaki, though he himself was not so confident.

"But it's been over an hour!" Tamaki wailed. "If she didn't go far and you've got everyone looking for her, we should have found her already! What if someone grabbed her again? What if they pulled her into a building? We should call the police! The military! The mafia! I don't care what your mom and sister said, I'm calling Hunny-senpai and Mori-senpai. They'll get their Haninozuka forces out here fast as lightning." He pulled out his phone.

Kyoya pushed his glasses up his nose, debating whether or not to stop his friend. When he received the call from Ranka, he and Tamaki had immediately gone to his mother's office to get her approval to use the Onion Squad. His sister was there as well, and though he would normally want to protect Haruhi's privacy, Kyoya didn't hesitate to speak in front of her. Fuyumi had obviously learned about the attack from his mother's yelling and there was no use trying to hide the situation from her now. He was just grateful neither his father nor his brothers were home. He was also glad that since his mother wanted this kept from his father, it meant his brothers would be kept in the dark as well.

Fuyumi was crying openly, which he hated seeing almost as much as he hated seeing the wetness still in his mother's eyes. Fuyumi advised Kyoya and Tamaki very, very strongly to not call the other members of the host club. She said it would only embarrass Haruhi further. His mother agreed, saying that while the Onion Squad was full of idiots, they could at least find one girl on foot. Only if the search went on for too long would they call in outside help. His mother clarified that 'outside help' meant the Haninozuka-trained squadron that the Ohtoris hired on an as-needed basis, not Mitsukuni Haninozuka and Takashi Morinozuka themselves. Fuyumi stressed that it would be more humiliating for Haruhi to have her friends find out than strangers she would likely never see again, and begged them to not let anyone in the host club or the rest of the school learn about this. Kyoya didn't understand it, but he figured this was a female thing. Besides, he was willing to agree to anything so long as it made his sister stop crying and begging. So he told them he wouldn't call the host club and made Tamaki do the same.

Yet now he wondered whether he had done the right thing. Tamaki's worries that Haruhi may have been dragged somewhere plagued him as well, and the more help they could get finding her, the better. Besides, Fuyumi and his mother didn't know his group of friends as well as he did. They didn't know that Haruhi had confided in four of their number and what comfort they had given her. They didn't know that Haruhi planned on telling them she had run like a rabbit from her gynecologist. In fact, they probably didn't know that all the boys in the club were aware that Haruhi had been raped. Thinking about it now, Kyoya realized that when Fuyumi had said it would humiliate Haruhi if her friends found out, she was probably talking about the original attack, not just the events of tonight as he had first thought. Maybe his mother and sister were right in that Haruhi would be embarrassed if the club members found her now, but he thought that the comfort their host club family (as Tamaki called them) would give her would outweigh the embarrassment.

Sighing, he pulled out his own phone and said to Tamaki, "You call Mori-senpai, I'll call Hunny-senpai." Hunny was almost as excitable as Tamaki, especially when it came to Haruhi. Kyoya thought it better that the two not feed off each other's hysteria.

Tamaki had apparently been about to call Hunny, since upon hearing Kyoya's words he immediately hung up his phone. Before he could hit the speed dial for Mori, however, his phone rang. "It's her! It's our baby girl!" he yelled excitedly.

Kyoya held his breath as Tamaki answered the phone, half afraid of what he might hear. _Oh please, please, please let her be all right,_ he thought. After a few seconds of conversation, it became clear that Haruhi was, indeed, all right, just lost and afraid. Kyoya let out a relieved breath and listened as Tamaki told the driver where to go. Still on the phone with Haruhi, Tamaki looked over at Kyoya and smiled. There were relieved tears in the blond's eyes. It wasn't until Tamaki reached over and patted Kyoya's cheek that he realized there were relieved tears in his own eyes as well.

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 **A/n: thanks for reading! Review, fave, follow, and pm me with your thoughts! I love feedback!**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/n: As I said before, I don't know much about Japanese honorifics, so I switch back to western ones when I'm unsure about their correct usage or just when I feel like it. (^.^)**

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Chap 18

Haruhi was sitting on a bench in front of some closed shops when Kyoya and Tamaki drove up. She looked awful. Her face was red, blotchy, and tear-stained, her hair was disheveled as if she had been grabbing at it in distress, her clothes were ratty with stains and rips (some of which Kyoya was sure were quite fresh), her feet were bare and covered in dirt and scratches, and her knees and palms were skinned. The sight reminded him of how she had looked when he had first seen her on the beach after the attack, though without the seawater. It made his heart clench.

Tamaki was the first out of the car. "Haruhiii, my baby girl!" he cried, losing all self-control. He was about to run up and pull her into one of his rib-cracking hugs, and Haruhi, apparently knowing what was coming, watched him in horror. Fortunately for her, Kyoya had anticipated this. Somehow, without Tamaki noticing, Kyoya had managed to tie Tamaki's shoelaces together during the car ride. As soon as the princely type took a step out of the car, he fell comically onto his princely face.

Kyoya got out and nonchalantly walked on his best friend as if he were a carpet. Haruhi looked on in shock for a second, then let out a laugh. Kyoya gave her a self-satisfied smirk at having caused Tamaki's pratfall. At least, that was the expression he hoped to portray. He didn't want anyone to know what he really felt inside. He felt awful seeing her in such a state, but he was also insanely happy and relieved to see Haruhi whole and safe. Further, it made him feel strangely giddy to not only hear her laugh through her tears but know he was the cause of it.

Kyoya reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. Handing it to her, he asked, "Are you alright, Haruhi?"

It was a stupid question, really. Clearly she wasn't alright. Yet it was the sort of thing one asked in such a situation. Haruhi seemed unable to speak, so she just nodded as she wiped her eyes and nose. Kyoya put his hand lightly on her back and said, "Come on." Then he guided her to the car. He could feel her shaking like a leaf. She must have been terrified, suffering a flashback of the attack due to Ranka's drunken state, then running out into the night and getting lost. A teenage girl with no self-defense training, lost and alone in the dark where anyone could find her and do anything they wanted to her. As they walked the few steps to the car, he leaned over and said softly, "You're safe now, Haruhi. I promise you, you're safe."

The reaction he got wasn't what he was expecting. Instead of relaxing, Haruhi burst into tears. Kyoya froze, not knowing what to do. He really, really was bad with open displays of emotion. His attempt at comfort had plainly made things worse. Fortunately, Tamaki had righted himself by this time and gotten control of his excitable nature. He came over and gently coaxed Haruhi into his arms, patting her head and whispering comforting words to her as she cried.

Kyoya climbed into the car. Haruhi was in Tamaki's capable hands and she surely wanted some privacy right now. That was what Kyoya told himself. It was probably true, but it was still an excuse. The truth was he simply couldn't face it. Couldn't face seeing her in pain like this. He thought of the tears in his mother's eyes and his sister's sobbing. For some reason, as painful as seeing those were, they weren't as painful as seeing Haruhi cry.

Earlier when they discovered Haruhi was safe, Kyoya had immediately called Ranka. The man had been crying so hard he was practically unintelligible. It made Kyoya more than a little uncomfortable. He had never heard a grown man cry before. In his household, a male over the age of five or six crying was anathema. Yet Ranka cried over Haruhi. It made Kyoya wonder if something traumatic were to happen to himself, if his own father would cry. Kyoya doubted it.

Kyoya had made the phone call brief, and promised Ranka that he would inform him when they had Haruhi safely in their care. So now, while he waited for Haruhi and Tamaki, he got out his phone and sent Ranka a text.

Kyoya – _We have Haruhi. She's uninjured. We will have her back to your apartment soon._

Ranka – _No, don't bring her back here. Your mother called me to get my permission for her to spend the night at your house. I think Haruhi would prefer that. Your mother said she'll come over here to pick up Haruhi's things._

That surprised Kyoya. Not the fact that Ranka wouldn't want Haruhi to come home tonight – that was to be expected. The man was still drunk, which likely would cause Haruhi further flashbacks should she see him. Besides, Kyoya was certain Ranka was too ashamed to face his daughter. No, Ranka wanting Haruhi to stay with the Ohtoris didn't surprise him. What surprised him was his mother. It was very like her to want to help the Fujiokas in any way she could, and inviting Haruhi to spend the night tonight was a good way to do that. Yet why had she called Ranka herself? She was a stranger to him. Proper etiquette would have been to have someone with whom Ranka had a good rapport, namely Kyoya, speak with him and make the arrangements. At the very least, she should have had Kyoya make introductions before she spoke with Ranka herself. Yet she had called the man without involving Kyoya at all. Furthermore, she said she was picking up Haruhi's things _herself_. Why on earth would she do that when they had a veritable army of servants to do that for her? It was all very odd.

Before Kyoya could respond to Ranka's text, the car door opened and Tamaki got in, followed by Haruhi. Haruhi gave Kyoya a tremulous smile, then turned to look at Tachibana. The divider between the driver and passenger compartments was lowered, and the older man had twisted in his seat to look back at Haruhi.

Haruhi gave Tachibana a little wave. "Hello, Tachibana," she said, a little embarrassed. "Thanks for picking me up. I know it's your job and all, but thanks anyway."

"It's no problem at all, Miss Fujioka. I'm just happy to see you're all right," Tachibana replied gently. Kyoya winced inwardly. He hadn't thought about it before, but he realized Tachibana must have heard his mother yelling and knew about Haruhi's situation. In fact, everyone in the whole household knew about Haruhi's situation. A household he was taking Haruhi to. He wondered briefly if he should take her somewhere else, but it was too late at night to do so. Besides, he reasoned, his servants were too well trained to gossip in front of a guest, and wouldn't let on to Haruhi that they knew.

Haruhi gave a small smile and ducked her head in response to Tachibana. He returned the gesture and said, "I shall have you to the Ohtori mansion in about twenty minutes, Miss Fujioka." He looked like he wanted to say more but didn't know what, so he turned around and raised the divider between the compartments, giving his three passengers some privacy.

Haruhi looked over at Kyoya in confusion. "The Ohtori mansion? Why are we going to your house and not my apartment?" she asked as the car began to move.

Kyoya pushed his glasses up with his forefinger then explained, "My mother has invited you to stay at our mansion tonight, and your father has given his permission. I believe he feels you would be more comfortable away from him, given his intoxicated state."

Haruhi's face fell. "Oh. Poor dad. I should have called him," she said quietly. She pulled out her phone and sighed in regret. "Of course. He called and texted me several times but my phone was on silent. I really should remember to leave the ringer on." She looked up at her two companions. "I'm sorry to be rude, guys, but I have to call him."

Before her finger hit the speed dial, Kyoya spoke. "I don't think that would be wise. I called your father once we knew you were safe, and he was not in a fit state to talk. I suggest you text him instead."

Haruhi's face fell again, but she nodded. Kyoya and Tamaki remained silent while Haruhi texted back and forth with her father. When Haruhi put her phone away, she said, "Thank you again, guys, for coming to get me. You're great friends."

Tamaki lifted her hand and kissed it. "It is our pleasure, princess," he said. Then he turned her hand over and frowned. "Your palm is scraped." He looked at her knees. "And your knees." He took her other hand. "This one, too. Did you fall, my darling daughter?"

Haruhi looked at her hands and knees and her brow furrowed in confusion. "I – I must have. I don't remember it, though," she looked up at Tamaki, then looked quickly away, blushing. "I, uh, wasn't exactly in my right state of mind."

"And your feet!" Tamaki cried. He looked Haruhi up and down, apparently taking in her appearance for the first time. "And you've got bruises and scrapes all over you! And you're filthy! What happened to you, Haruhi?! Kyoya, do you see this?" He was in a near state of panic.

Kyoya was leaning back in the seat with his arms and legs crossed. He tilted his head down so the light in the car hit his lenses and obscured his eyes. In a cool tone, he answered, "Yes, I saw. Do not worry, we will see that she is cleaned up and her hurts are taken care of once we reach my mansion." He had been trying to ignore how awful she looked, but Tamaki's outburst brought it back to his attention, making his heart clench harder than before. Stupid blond idiot. At least Haruhi didn't look as bad as she had that day at the beach. The image flashed in Kyoya's mind, but he pushed it away quickly. He was not about to let himself think of it now. Abruptly he realized that his fists were clenched so tightly they hurt. He forced them to release.

"It's not that bad, senpai. I just need to take a bath and get some band-aids and I'll be fine," Haruhi said in a tired voice. She leaned over and rested her head against the car window, closing her eyes.

Tamaki looked over at Kyoya, worry and pleading in his eyes. _Moron_ , Kyoya thought, though he knew that he wasn't really annoyed at his best friend. He was just angry at the situation. Angry at the drunken bastard who did this to her in the first place. Angry at Ranka for getting drunk after Kyoya had specifically told him not to. Angry at himself. Really, truly angry at himself. If he had protected Haruhi from the attack in the first place, she wouldn't be in the state she was now.

He needed to pull himself away from his anger and instead focus on Haruhi. She was in pain and needed help. He had been going to wait to tell her what he and his mother had discussed earlier that evening, but he decided now would be a good time. He hoped his news would cheer her up.

* * *

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Haruhi leaned her face against the car window as she had yesterday after leaving the gynecologist's office. Or wait, had it been today? Yes, it had been today. A really loooong day. She went over it in her mind. Waking up from nightmares in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep, scouring her living room clean, getting picked up by Mori-senpai, classes, that wonderful conversation with four of her friends, the disastrous gyno visit, a nap, waking to find gift boxes filling her living room, Tamaki's visit, trying to meditate before sleep, her dad coming home drunk, and then. . . She didn't want to think about that part. Anyhow, it had been quite a full day. Not just a full day, a roller coaster of emotions day. No wonder Haruhi was so tired. She closed her eyes and started to doze.

"Haruhi," Kyoya said, pulling her from her doze.

His voice irritated Haruhi. Everything that kept her awake irritated her. Besides, she had a feeling she knew what he was going to say, and that just made her more annoyed. So she raised her head, gave him her best death glare, and said angrily, "If you're going to tell me to go to the doctor, senpai, save your breath. I'm not going."

"That's not what I was going to say," he assured her. In his unemotional business voice, he continued, "Haruhi, I accept full responsibility for not protecting you that day at the beach. You were on my family's property at a function I organized. I was in charge of seeing to everyone's safety, and I failed."

Haruhi sat up and looked at him, startled. Of all the things she thought he'd say, that wasn't one of them. The surprise brought her back to full consciousness, and she said, "No, senpai. It wasn't your fault. It was no one's fault but that thug, and he's dead now. Well, I guess that other thug was partly to blame, but you made sure to get him locked up, right? You didn't do anything wrong."

Kyoya pushed his glasses up his nose. "Yes, he is locked up and facing a lot of jail time, but you're wrong, Haruhi. Your safety, as well as the safety of the other two girls who were attacked and everyone else present was my responsibility," he said.

"Kyoya-" Tamaki started, but Kyoya interrupted him.

"No, Tamaki, it _was_ my fault. Or if not, then it was the fault of my family. Of our security force. We owe you a debt, Haruhi, and I intend to repay it," Kyoya said firmly.

That took Haruhi aback. " _You_ owe _me_ a debt?" she asked incredulously. "That's quite the reversal."

"Indeed," Kyoya nodded in agreement. Continuing in his cool business voice, he said, "To begin with, Haruhi, I personally will pay off your debt to the host club. You are no longer obligated to us, and are free to quit the club any time you like."

Tamaki whispered in shock, "Kyoya!" Haruhi was too shaken to speak. Was he kicking her out of the host club?

"You do not have to leave the club, of course," Kyoya continued, "but you may want to do so in light of what you're going through."

Tamaki made a sound as if he was choking. Haruhi felt like she had been hit by a ton of bricks. Kyoya wasn't kicking her out _per se_ , but he was making it clear he felt that she was no longer fit to be a host. The worst part was, he was right. She was too broken to entertain anyone and her presence would just bring everyone down. She would make the guests and the other hosts depressed and ruin the club. An image of the vase entered her mind, only this time it was filled with flowers and water. Then it suddenly combusted, resulting not just in a broken vase but a bouquet of beautiful flowers ruined and a huge mess on the floor.

Kyoya continued, "Furthermore, my family will pay your tuition for as long as you attend Ouran. That way, if you can't keep up your grades because of this, you won't have to worry about losing your scholarship."

Haruhi swallowed. He was telling her he knew she was too broken for school. That was worse – far, far worse – than being too broken for the host club. She remembered how she felt when arrived at school for the first time after she had been broken. She remembered thinking how school had once been her happy place. She had excelled there. She loved learning, loved getting good grades, and loved knowing that she was making her father and her late mother proud. Yet the day she was broken changed all that. An image filled her mind of the flower-filled sitting vase on a pedestal in a bright, beautiful room. Then in her mind the room darkened. The walls turned into an oil painting that melted. The flowers wilted, turning brown and dropping their petals. The vase and pedestal became covered in filth and deep cracks, not breaking fully but still having little bits falling off.

That rapid decay and destruction was a perfect metaphor for her school life now. A metaphor for her academic talents and skills. She couldn't focus on classes or her homework because of her mental issues. In fact, she couldn't engage fully in any of the things she used to love. She had difficulty expending energy on scholarly pursuits when all her energy was being drained out of her by her mental/emotional duress. If it weren't for Tamaki and the twins helping her do her homework these last two days, she wouldn't have done it at all. Unfortunately, she knew that even with the help of her friends she couldn't keep up with her classes long term. The others couldn't take tests for her or absorb the information she was supposed to know, after all. Kyoya knew that, and knew she was too weak to keep the vase and pedestal from crashing down completely without him to rescue her.

She saw Kyoya frown at her. Was he upset that she wasn't more grateful to him? Or was he just confused? He probably thought she would show more relief at his offer. It was true she was relieved to not have to worry about being expelled from Ouran when her grades slipped (not _if_ , but _when_ , she thought sadly). Unfortunately, the relief she felt was drowned out by her pain and shame, and those were what shown on her face.

Kyoya kept up his business tone as he continued, "We will also pay for any and all medical care you require, whether mental or physical, and the transportation required to get that care. Your father told me you wanted to see a gynecologist not associated with the Ohtori Group . . ."

Haruhi looked from Kyoya to Tamaki in horror. Why did Kyoya have to mention a gynecologist in front of him? That was embarrassing.

". . . but I am sure you wanted that because you were afraid any gynecologist employed by my family would divulge your private medical status to me or another member of my family without your permission. I assure you that will not happen. Your private medical information will stay private, no matter which gynecologist, therapist, or other health professional you see. Even so, should you choose a gynecologist outside the Ohtori Group, we will still pay for your medical care."

Haruhi's face turned red in further embarrassment and shame. She hated that she needed his help. Yes, she was incredibly grateful he was offering it to her, but the shame of her weakness burned deep, and it was magnified by the fact that he was talking about something so intimate.

And how many times did he have to use the word 'gynecologist,' anyway? Geez! Why doesn't he just talk about her period and pubic hair while he was about it?!

"We will also pay for any mental health care your father requires to assist him during this difficult time," Kyoya finished.

If she thought her academic failure was the worst, she was wrong. This was the worst. She felt huge shards of that damned vase pierce her heart. Her dad was suffering because of her. Her dad needed mental health care because of her. Her dad cried and drowned himself in drink because of her. It was so bad he couldn't hide it, couldn't even finish his work shift. He might lose his job. Might become an alcoholic. He only survived her mother's death because he had to take care of her. Now he probably thinks he failed in that task. He might not survive this trial unless he got help. Kyoya could see her dad's pain as clearly as he saw the numbers in his ledger – and as clearly as he saw how weak she herself was. Once again, she was grateful for his help, but she hated herself that she had put her father in a position to need that help. Guilt was added to the shame inside and threatened to cut her into pieces.

Haruhi looked down so her bangs hid her eyes, but they didn't hide her red face or the tears falling down her cheeks.

After a pause, Kyoya continued, "If you or your father want or need more compensation, I am open to discuss it."

Great, now he thought she was greedy. Damn rich bastard. Damn rich bastard who knew how weak she was and how she harmed others. Damn rich bastard she needed to rely on for help. Damn rich bastard who talked to her in that cool, unfeeling, condescending voice, but who she couldn't be mad at because he was only trying to help. Damn rich bastard who didn't realize how insensitive he was being because he didn't really understand other's emotions. Damn. Rich. Bastard.

Haruhi's body started shaking and it took everything she had to keep from exploding into sobs.

She didn't see the look on Kyoya's face – or Tamaki's for that matter – but she sensed Kyoya push his glasses up his nose with his forefinger before he asked in the same business voice, "Haruhi, you do realize my family and I are trying to help you, right?"

Haruhi kept her head down and her eyes hidden behind her hair, but she nodded and said in a meek voice, "Yes. Thank you." She really was grateful, but the gratitude inside her only made the guilt and shame hurt worse.

A couple moments passed, then Kyoya said, "Oh, and if you turn out to be pregnant-"

He was cut off as Tamaki abruptly slapped a hand over his mouth, hard. "Kyoya, stop. Just stop. I know you're trying to help, but please. Stop!" he commanded.

Haruhi was startled and looked up at the two boys in surprise.

Kyoya tried to say something, but Tamaki pressed his hand harder against his face and hissed, "Just. Stop."

Kyoya frowned, but just then the car's intercom chimed and Tachibana's voice came over the speaker. "Master Kyoya, we have arrived."

All three of them looked out the window and saw that they were passing the front gates to the Ohtori mansion. Tamaki grudgingly removed his hand from Kyoya's mouth and Kyoya said, "Thank you, Tachibana."

Haruhi once again leaned her face against the window of the car door with her eyes closed. Her shoulders no longer shook, but tears still streamed down her cheeks in silent rivers.

She heard Kyoya say to Tachibana, "Would you please have a maid draw a bath for Haruhi and some chamomile tea sent to the guest room prepared for her?"

A wave of gratitude washed over Haruhi. Kyoya really was a kind person despite his flaws. She almost wished he wasn't. She didn't want him to help her, because that emphasized the fact that he could see just how pathetic she was. She didn't want anyone to see that, really, but for some reason it was worse with Kyoya. She wished she was in a dark room all by herself where no one could see her.

"Yes sir," Tachibana replied to Kyoya and the intercom chimed off. The car pulled to a stop in front of the main entrance. Normally Haruhi didn't wait for drivers to open her door for her, but right now she was too tired to move. She let Tachibana open her door and help her out of the car, then sluggishly headed towards the front door. She wanted to crawl into bed, pull the covers over her head, and sleep for a hundred years.

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The boys followed Haruhi out of the car and Kyoya put a hand on Tamaki's shoulder, halting him until Haruhi was several steps ahead. When he was sure she was out of earshot, he glared at Tamaki and demanded in a furious undertone, "Why did you put your hand over my mouth like that?"

Tamaki looked at him with an expression Kyoya had never seen on his face before: a mixture of irritation, disappointment, and incredulity. Kyoya recognized it as the same face he wore when Tamaki did something extremely stupid. In a cool voice so reminiscent of Kyoya's usual tone, Tamaki said, "I never thought I'd say this to you, Kyoya, but _you_ are a complete idiot." With that, he went to catch up with Haruhi.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

A servant opened the door and bowed to Haruhi, who nodded in response while still keeping her head down and her eyes covered by her hair. She had never been to Kyoya's mansion before, but she had no desire to look around and take in the opulence. She just kept her eyes on the marble floor and waited for the two boys to guide her to her room.

Tamaki came up and gently put a hand on her back. "Haruhi, I want to show you something," he said in a soft voice.

Haruhi's shoulders slumped. "Can't it wait until tomorrow, senpai? I just want to take a bath and go to bed," she said.

"It won't take long, come on," he said, and used his hand on her back to gently guide her down the hall. Haruhi didn't have the energy to argue, so just let herself be pushed along.

"The door is unlocked," Kyoya said as he followed behind them.

Tamaki stopped in front of a door, but instead of going in, he turned Haruhi to face him and put his hands on her shoulders. She kept her eyes on his shoes.

"Haruhi, we were going to set all this up in the music room tomorrow to surprise you, but now that you're here, I think this is a better time," he said. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her, and she felt embarrassed that she had gotten Kyoya's handkerchief so dirty it was now unusable. She took Tamaki's handkerchief and used it to wipe her face.

Tamaki kept his left hand on her shoulder and used his right to brush the bangs out of her eyes, then cup her cheek and lift her face up. She looked at his sad, compassionate eyes and wondered what he had planned for her.

He opened the door and gave Haruhi a nudge into the room. It was a very large art studio containing a pottery wheel, workbenches and several objects Haruhi couldn't identify, but which looked to be used to create and decorate pottery.

Tamaki said, "I told you earlier that when I was in France I learned all I could about Japan. One of the things that fascinated me was the art of _kintsugi_. I was glad to discover that Kyoya's mom is a _kintsugi_ artist. Have you heard of it?"

"Um, sort of," she replied, vaguely remembering her elementary school art teacher talking about it. Haruhi had no talent for art or interest in Japanese traditional culture, so it wasn't something she paid much attention to beyond getting a good grade in art class.

Tamaki steered her to one wall which was filled with shelves and pedestals. To Haruhi's dismay, they showcased several vases, bowls, teacups, and other ceramic vessels. Unlike the vase that was constantly in her mind, however, these were all of traditional Japanese design. As Tamaki brought her closer, she saw that many of them had cracks all filled in with bright lacquer of gold, silver, or platinum. Her teacher had shown the class a similar piece and talked about why it was repaired this way, but Haruhi couldn't remember the explanation.

As they walked slowly down the display and admired each piece, Tamaki explained, "In the art of _kintsugi_ , a valuable or beloved piece of pottery that has been broken is not thrown away, nor is it mended in a way that hides or minimizes the damage." He picked up a particularly beautiful tea bowl that had been hand painted with cherry blossoms. He held it up almost reverently and ran his fingers over the gold cracks. "Instead, the cracks are illuminated. They are considered part of the history and character of the piece," he said, then put the bowl down. He continued, "In its lifetime, every item of value – pottery, artwork . . ." he trailed off as he took Haruhi's hands in both of his, holding them palms up so that her scrapes were visible, then added softly, "people . . ." he looked into her eyes for a moment, then resumed, "are banged and broken in the storms of life. But instead of being ashamed of the damaged item, _kintsugi_ treasures it."

Haruhi looked up at him, feeling calmed and comforted by both Tamaki's hands around hers and his poignant metaphor. Before she could think of how to respond, he released one of her hands but kept ahold of the other as he resumed guiding her down the display. He said, "Some objects of beauty like a painting or a renaissance vase are designed to bring joy to people who look at them. But you can't touch them, or use them in any way other than to look at." He stopped in front of a vase with many gold-lacquered cracks and turned to face her. He said, "Haruhi, that vase you broke was beautiful, but that was all. It couldn't even have been filled with flowers without the risk of bumping or breaking it. And once someone did bump it, poof, it was gone! It was so fragile that the slightest mishap completely ruined it and we had to throw it away."

He picked up the vase and held it out for her. She took it and looked it over. This one was painted with people on it. Three were in a tea ceremony, one was holding a child, and two were facing each other and clasping hands. They all appeared to be moving, doing things, and living their lives, not just holding still for a picture. The gold cracks ran through some of the people, almost like scars, yet the gold made the cracks look pretty. Haruhi thought the vase would look prettier without the cracks, gold lacquer or no, but it was still nice to look at.

Tamaki said, "This vase, now, this vase is meant to be used. See, it's thick and strong. The material isn't nearly as fragile as that other vase. You can touch it, handle it, fill it with flowers, move it from place to place, and make it a part of your life. And while doing that means it will likely get chipped or cracked or even broken, it's strong enough that it can be fixed. That renaissance vase shattered into a million pieces when it fell. It was practically impossible to put back together, so we threw it out. But when this vase fell, it broke into only a few pieces. Kyoya's mom was able put the pieces back together and join them with the gold lacquer. It was always beautiful, but now it's brighter than before. It's still useful, and it can still be a part of life." He looked up at Haruhi, and his gaze was piercing, giving his next words a heavy impact. "It still has worth."

Haruhi looked up at Tamaki and her eyes filled with tears. She didn't know what to say. He smiled softly at her and took the vase, putting it back on the shelf.

Kyoya walked up to them both, holding a smaller vase that also had lacquer-filled cracks, but which had a large piece missing from its top. "Haruhi, this vase is one of my mother's favorites. It was broken several years ago and she repaired it with gold lacquer as you see, but recently it was broken again. The broken pieces are over there on her workbench, and she plans on repairing them with platinum lacquer this time. She says that each break is unique, and so the lacquer must be unique. It helps tell the story of all this vase has been through." He handed her the vase as if handing her something extremely precious. "Your father says that you were broken when your mother died. You went through a long period of depression. Yet you overcame that and found joy and purpose in your life. Your father says your mother's passing still hurts you, but not nearly as much as it did when the wounds were fresh." He ran his fingers lightly over the broken edges of the vase in her hands, taking care not to cut himself. "Your new wounds are fresh and sharp like these jagged edges, Haruhi, _but that's okay_. You're like this vase. At its core, this vase is still strong. It survived its first breaking and was mended. It survived this most recent breaking, and all the pieces will be mended together again eventually. It won't be the same as it used to be, and if it could talk I'm sure it would say that it wishes it had never been broken even once, but it's still beautiful and useful and of more worth than . . ." he paused, and lowered his head so the light hit his glasses and hid his eyes. Haruhi knew it was something he did when he didn't want others to see he was overcome with emotion. He cleared his throat and began again, "It has more worth than it knows, and even broken, even when its jagged edges hurt others, it is more valuable to those around it than it can possibly imagine."

Haruhi was stunned. Never in a million years had she thought Kyoya Ohtori would say something as heartfelt as that, especially not to her. She had no idea she meant that much to him. She looked down at the vase in her hands, though she could barely see it through her tears. She had been broken, mended (mostly), and broken again. _And that's okay._ She was still of worth. Hunny and the others had told her that, Tamaki told her that, and now Kyoya, who measured everything in terms of profit and gain, told her that. Maybe now her heart would start to believe it.

She ran her fingers along the gold seams and thought of what Kyoya had said about her being broken by her mother's death. That trauma still hurt even after all these years. She was fairly certain it was the root cause of her astraphobia. It followed that this trauma would also hurt even years from now, and maybe she would develop a new phobia or she would suffer some other long-term problems. Yet, as with her mother's death, the pain would eventually ease and the wounds wouldn't be as debilitating as they were now. Her heart and mind would always have scars, but she could look at them as gold seams instead. No, that was too optimistic. More likely, whether she saw them as scars or seams would depend on the day. Still, she knew her mind and heart would eventually heal – at least for the most part. Her academic talents would come back to serve her as well as they had before. She would be able to host again, though probably not anytime soon. Her dad would get better as she would.

 _Clean and bright and beautiful._

 _Persevere and be better for it._

 _Still useful, and still a part of life._

 _More valuable than you can possibly imagine._

 _Nothing anyone does to you will ever change how I feel about you._

 _You're my best friend._

The words her six best friends had spoken to her filled her soul like gold lacquer, helping to mend the cracks. She looked up at Kyoya and Tamaki and whispered, "Thank you," before dissolving into tears.

Kyoya took the vase from her and Tamaki enveloped her in another hug. She was blessed, so, so blessed, to have found wonderful friends like these.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

Kyoya gave Tamaki a nod over Haruhi's shoulder and withdrew, setting the vase back down on his mother's workbench as he went. The art studio was split in two, with a traditional Japanese screen painted with plum blossoms separating the halves. He was sure Haruhi hadn't noticed that it was slightly open at one corner of the room, or that there was a figure standing partway behind it watching them.

Kyoya crossed into the other half of the art studio where he spent many hours painting. He closed the screen securely behind him then said in a quiet voice, "What are you doing here, Fuyumi?"

His sister looked up at him with tears in her eyes and gave him a big hug. He let her do so, though it made him a little uncomfortable, especially after the display of emotion he had just witnessed in the other room. He could still hear Haruhi crying and Tamaki comforting her. Fuyumi looked up at him and said, also in a quiet voice, "I'm sorry, I know you don't like hugs, but I couldn't help it. You just make me so proud!"

That made Kyoya even more uncomfortable. "Your face is a mess," he said to change the subject. "Here, let me give you my handkerchief." He dug in his pockets before saying, "Sorry, I forgot I gave it to Haruhi."

Fuyumi smiled and said, "Never mind, there's a tissue box over there." They walked to the far wall of the studio where Fuyumi got some tissues. Kyoya was grateful that the sounds from the other half of the studio were more muffled this far away. When Fuyumi was done wiping her face, she said, "You surprised me, Kyoya. You've always gotten tongue-tied and awkward in situations like that, yet back there you were articulate and very, very sweet. That girl must be quite important to you to have such a wonderful effect on you."

Kyoya looked towards the plum blossom screen, trying not to show his embarrassment. "Actually, it was all Tamaki. He had this grand scheme prepared for all the hosts tomorrow, complete with a script. All of us had lines we were supposed to say. Since it turned out to be just the two of us, I said my lines plus whatever I could remember from the parts of the script Tamaki hadn't already taken," he explained.

"Ah. You really do have good choice in friends," Fuyumi said, smiling at him. "Yet you can't tell me it was all memorized lines. I saw you. You were getting choked up telling Haruhi how important she was. Your words were sincere."

"Of course I was sincere. Haruhi is important, and I respect her as a person," Kyoya said, trying not to sound defensive. They could hear the crying cease on the other side of the screen and the doorway to the hall open. The sound of two sets of footsteps faded away and Kyoya knew Tamaki was showing Haruhi to her room.

Fuyumi looked at Kyoya with a raised eyebrow. "You respect her as a person?" she asked.

Kyoya nodded firmly. He hoped Fuyumi wouldn't press the issue further.

Fortunately, she didn't. She just gave him a sad smile and took ahold of his hand in a tight grip. "That girl is so lucky to have wonderful friends like you in her life. I'm jealous." She looked down, and Kyoya had the uncomfortable feeling she was going to cry again, though he didn't know why. "Good night," she said, giving him a smile that he could tell was forced, then she left, leaving Kyoya bewildered. He didn't understand other people's emotions at all, especially his sister's.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

A/n: sorry it's been so long since I updated. I hope you all think it was worth the wait. ;)

As I said before, sometimes I get inspiration from reviewers. I wasn't going to have Kyoya be a part of Tamaki's vase scheme (or at least not a big part), until I read nightfall252524's review. Kyoya is so far unsure about his feelings for Haruhi, so he can't tell her or anyone else that he loves her, but he was still able to let her know how important she is to him and everyone else, even though she feels broken. Thanks, nightfall!

As always, please fave, follow, and most of all, review!


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's notes:**

 **Hi, I'm back! Sorry it took so long, life happened and time got away from me. I hope these chapters were worth the wait!**

 **When I uploaded chapters 19 and 20 they turned out to be unreadable due to some sort of formatting issue. Fortunately, Morte Mistrata pointed it out in a review minutes after the upload and I was able to fix it right away. Thanks Morte Mistrata!**

 **Review responses:**

 **Caitybug13 – yes,** ** _kintsugi_** **was where I was going the whole time. ^.^**

 **I mentioned before that there were two quotes that inspired this story, the first was Elizabeth Smart's quote of the broken vase metaphor. The other was about** ** _kintsugi_** **. The quote itself turned out not to work for the story (and anyhow I lost it and can't even remember who said it or what the exact wording was), but the quote itself doesn't matter since I was able find info about** ** _kintsugi_** **online. Anyhow, I always planned that Haruhi would see herself as a broken and therefore worthless vase and Tamaki (and maybe the others) would show her that she was a strong and beautiful** ** _kintsugi_** **vase.**

 **MurphytheProphet, you mentioned** ** _kintsugi_** **in a review after chapter 11, and 16** **th** **-of-a-twigg, you mentioned it in your chapter 12 review (though neither of you did it by name). You two are too smart for your own good! Or should I say, too smart for** ** _my_** **own good, Lol! I was afraid my story was too predictable. Fortunately, others didn't see it that way.**

 **Now on to the story!**

Broken Vase Chap 19

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

 _I wish I could have saved you from being attacked, my sweet Haruhi, but there's only so much I can do from this side. I am doing everything I can for you, my precious one, I promise._

"Mom? Is that you?"

. . .

"Mom?"

. . .

"It was you, wasn't it, Mom? You nudged me subconsciously to wear the shorts with pockets and have my cell phone on me so I could call my friends for help when I was lost, right, Mom?"

 _I am doing everything I can for you. I love you, sweetheart . . ._

The voice inside Haruhi's head faded away. Haruhi called out for her mom a few more times, but received no answer.

Gradually Haruhi became aware that she was in a new place. Where she had been before she did not know, she just knew she had heard her mom's voice. She tried to recall if she had seen her mom's face, but the more she tried, the more the knowledge drained from her mind like water through her fingers. Soon all knowledge faded away, and Haruhi had no memories of what came before or thoughts of what would come later. She was only conscious of the black fog that surrounded her as she walked and the gnawing feeling of dread growing in her stomach.

The fog thinned a little, and Haruhi could finally tell where she was. That cat-shaped cave – the place she went to every time she closed her eyes. _No_ , she thought in despair. _No, no please! Not again, not this again!_

The fog thinned a little more and she could see a figure walking towards her. Her insides froze. Though the fog obscured the figure's appearance, she knew who it had to be. *Him.* It was always *him.* She had nightmares of him every single night since he attacked her. The nightmares were always the same. She would find herself in the cave, surrounded by darkness and covered in filth. He would come, looking part human and part demon, ten feet tall with horns, claws, and fangs, and a cruel look on his face that seared her soul.

"No! This is a dream, I know it's a dream! Wake up, Haruhi, wake up!" she screamed out loud. She shut her eyes as tightly as she could and yanked them open again. It was a trick she learned as a child. When she put that much effort into closing and opening her dream eyes, her real eyes would open too, and she would wake up. Yet now she didn't wake. She never woke when she had this nightmare – not until it had played itself out to its horrible conclusion. Nor could she change anything about the nightmare. She was as helpless in this dream cave as she had been in the real one.

She still couldn't see the figure through the fog, but she knew what would happen when she did. Every night when she saw him, she would freeze. She wanted to run, but her body would never cooperate. She would look down to see that her body had turned into the vase that was always in her mind, in shape, design, and, most importantly, substance. Then he would come – towering over her and leering down at her – and break her.

Sometimes he carried a hammer and would strike her with it, over and over and over again, causing her to crack and eventually shatter. Or sometimes he would laugh the way he had in real life, only louder and harsher. The sound was so intense it was almost a physical thing, and _it_ was what made her crack and shatter. No matter the method used, when she shattered, the world would go completely black and she would be left crying.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" she screamed out loud to herself. Instead of waking, though, she felt the dream somehow become _more_ real. Already her body was turning into a fragile vase, just like it always did. She was unable to move, just like she always was. Though the figure hadn't come close enough for her to see him yet, she felt her porcelain body split into several horrible cracks. She knew that once he got to her, he would shatter her completely, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Then something completely unexpected happened. The fog, which had been black and scary, turned white and comforting. The darkness, which had surrounded her with an almost physical pressure, was replaced by a celestial brightness. She realized that she was no longer in a dark cave, but was instead floating in a fluffy cloud. Breaks in the cloud let bars of sunlight fall upon her.

 _My rays of sunshine,_ Haruhi thought in wonder.

As she thought this, recent memories of her two human rays of sunshine filled her mind.

 _Hikaru and Kaoru, that awful night at the beach house, holding her during the thunderstorm and singing her to sleep._

 _Kaoru, after dinner at the Hitachiin mansion, hugging her and telling her that nothing anybody says about her or does to her would change how he felt about her._

 _Hikaru, finding out what really had happened to her, becoming tongue-tied and awkward but still wanting to comfort her, simply hugging her and saying she was his best friend._

 _Hikaru and Kaoru together, treating her as their friend rather than their toy, showing her how they've grown because of her influence, making her feel special, warming her with their light in her darkness._

The memories passed through Haruhi's mind and made her smile. Her thoughts turned to Mori and Hunny.

 _Mori, in the luxury van right after she had been attacked, holding her against his chest, comforting her with his stability._

 _Hunny, during the host club meeting, cuddling up to her on the couch like a little kid, soothing her with his childlike warmth and affection._

 _Mori, going out of his way to pick her up for school, telling her he was there for her, assuaging her fear that she was a liability._

 _Hunny and Mori together, sitting with her under the sakura trees at Ouran, filling her heart with their love and friendship, and making her realize how silly her fears of them abandoning her had been._

When the last memory passed before her mind's eye, her thoughts naturally turned to the final pair of her best friends.

 _Tamaki and Kyoya, in the hours after the attack,_ _each_ _talking her down when she was panicking in terror, assuring her she was safe._

 _Tamaki, leading the male hosts in kneeling down before her in a ceremony of honor, praising her in front of the whole school for her valiancy in defending the princesses, then hugging her and calling her his friend._

 _Kyoya, giving her a ride home as a favor to her father, holding her hand and telling her he_ _wanted_ _to ease her pain, encouraging her to talk to someone_ _like Tamaki_ _who could help her better than he could._

 _Tamaki, in his inept way, trying to coach her in responding to the princesses who sent her gifts, then helping her by teaching her about Buddha and meditation._

 _Tamaki and Kyoya together, coming to get her when she was lost, teaching her about the beauty of broken things, using_ kintsugi _to show her_ _that_ _she was strong,_ _that_ _she had value,_ _that_ _she had worth . . ._

 _That s_ _he wasn't shattered after all._

As that last thought passed through her mind, the figure in the fog reached her. A sense of relief washed over Haruhi, because she saw who it was now. It wasn't the demon man of her nightmares as she had feared, but rather her six best friends. There was only one figure, but somehow that one figure was Hikaru, Kaoru, Mori, Hunny, Tamaki, and Kyoya. She wasn't puzzled by this. Somehow, in this place, it made sense.

The figure smiled at her. She couldn't really see him – the form was too insubstantial for her to make out any of his features – yet she perceived that it was so. The figure took her hands in his (theirs?) and a feeling of comfort, cleansing, and love spread from the touch into her whole body. Still holding her hands with both of his, the figure somehow touched her heart and began pouring platinum lacquer into her. She was aware that she had the form of a vase but also of her own body. That, too, made sense in this place. Her body and soul were so broken she felt there were more cracks than whole parts of her, yet the lacquer her six best friends poured into her body – the love and care they poured into her heart – filled her with warmth and brightness. It mended the cracks, and gave her a sense of wholeness.

As the platinum lacquer filled her, she noticed that it filled her torso, arms, and head, but not her legs. As she thought of this, she became aware for the first time that her legs were already filled with warmth and brightness, albeit a somewhat different from that which now filled her upper body. She looked down and saw that her legs were covered in cracks – even more cracks than her upper body – but those cracks had been filled in with gold. She knew those cracks came from being shattered as child by the loss of her mother, and the gold lacquer was the love of her father and others who helped her through it.

She pondered her legs for what could have been a second or an eternity, and realized that while they had been damaged, they still stood, still held her up. A memory came to Haruhi of when she was little and had tried to make a clay animal in art class. Something happened, and the clay animal just fell apart in her hands. She tried to glue the pieces back together, but whenever she touched the clay, it only crumbled further. The material had absolutely no strength to it, and so no amount of glue could make it hold a substantial shape again. Haruhi looked down at her dream legs and realized that if they had been made of a material as weak as that clay, then they, too, would have crumbled completely when something happened to them, and no amount of adhesive could have fixed them. But their material was strong. _Haruhi_ was strong. When her mother died she broke, yes. Shattered, maybe. But she hadn't crumbled, not completely. She hadn't been destroyed. Her essence remained, and with the love of her father and others she had been able to carry on. She also realized that the the inner strength that she thought had been stolen from her that horrible day in the cave was still there. It just took her friends to help her see that.

She looked up into the eyes of Hikaru, Kaoru, Mori, Hunny, Tamaki, and Kyoya, and her heart filled with peace. Her world went white and she was left smiling.

 _My precious Haruhi, ever since I had to leave you, I have done everything I can to help you from this side. I have led you to many people in your life's journey. I led you to these boys because they needed you, and you needed them. Now I will lead you to another who needs you, just as you need them. I wish I could be there for you in the flesh, but remember I am always watching over you. I love you, my daughter . . ._

O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

The voice of her mother lingered in her ears as Haruhi slowly opened her eyes. Hearing her mother's voice in her dreams was bittersweet, and she felt a pang of loss when it was gone. Yet the main thing she felt as she lay there was a sense of contentment and peace.

She looked around and saw, to her surprise, that it was still nighttime. The clock on the nightstand read 2:46 am. Snuggling further under the covers, Haruhi closed her eyes, hoping to return to dreams of her mother.

After twenty minutes, she was still wide awake. Sighing, Haruhi climbed out of bed and put on the pair of plush slippers and fluffy bathrobe the Ohtoris kept on hand for guests. _'Another way the Ohtori houses are like fancy hotels,_ ' she thought. Of course, the Ohtoris did own a string of luxury resorts, so she guessed it made sense. She went outside into the hall, expecting to see her overnight bag sitting there. Though Kyoya's mother had left to get Haruhi's things from her apartment before Haruhi was even found, she still hadn't returned by the time Haruhi went to bed. Tamaki told her that when Mrs. Ohtori did return, she would have a servant leave Haruhi's bag by the door. The fact that it wasn't there both surprised and disappointed Haruhi. She had hoped to find it waiting for her with her sleep medication inside. Even with her pleasant dream and the exhausting day she'd had, she doubted she would be able to find sleep again tonight without it.

Perhaps Tamaki was wrong and Mrs. Ohtori had left Haruhi's bag downstairs. The only other explanation was that Mrs. Ohtori still hadn't returned, but that was unlikely. Haruhi's apartment wasn't _that_ far away, and even drunk it wouldn't take Ranka much time to pack an overnight bag for his daughter. Certainly not several hours. So she decided to go downstairs to look.

First, though, she went back into her room to retrieve the dishes left over from her bedtime tea. There was no sense in making a servant go out of their way to clean them up when she could do it herself. Picking up the teapot, cup, and saucer brought the lingering smell of chamomile to her nose, making her smile. She had really enjoyed drinking the hot, calming tea after her hot, calming bath. She enjoyed it all the more so knowing that Kyoya was the one who ordered both the tea and the bath be prepared for her. Haruhi knew that Kyoya was being trained up to run the Ohtori resorts someday, and so he was probably taught to make sure there was tea and a bath ready for all his overnight guests, not just her. Yet she couldn't help but be touched by the small act of kindness.

Haruhi went downstairs and found that there was enough light coming in through the windows that she didn't have to turn on any lights. In the dimness, she searched around the entryway, the library, and the living room (was it still called a living room when it was this large and formal?) but didn't find her bag. She wandered the halls, looking in every office and peeking behind every door, hoping that if she couldn't find her bag she could at least find the kitchen. That way she could clean up her dishes and maybe get a glass of warm milk.

Eventually, she came to a room with large bar. Even with the starlight streaming through the windows, the room was still too dark for Haruhi to see anything. She flicked on the light, then jumped as she saw a woman sitting at the bar, no longer hidden in the darkness. The woman blinked and shielded her eyes with her hand.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you," Haruhi apologized, immediately turning the light back off. "I thought this room was empty. I was just looking for the kitchen."

"No, don't worry about it," the woman replied. "Here, let me find . . ." she trailed off as her hand found a dimmer switch and turned the lights on just bright enough for the two to see each other comfortably. The first thing the Haruhi noticed was the drink in the woman's hand and the bottle next to it, and she flushed with embarrassment. Obviously the woman had wanted to drink alone in the dark, and just as obviously Haruhi had intruded on something that was none of her business.

"You don't have to turn on the light for me," she said uncomfortably. "I just want to go get some warm milk and put these away." She held up the dishes in her hand. "Just point me towards the kitchen and I'll get out of your hair."

The woman smiled slightly at her and said, "You're ok. It's refreshing to meet someone who cleans up after themselves instead of making servants do it." She stood up and took the dishes from Haruhi. "Have a seat," she said, gesturing to an empty bar stool. "I'll put these in the kitchen and make us some warm milk."

The woman's friendly invitation made some of Haruhi's embarrassment go away, but not all of it.

As the woman disappeared through a side doorway, Haruhi sat on the bar stool and settled herself down to wait, figuring it would take time for the woman to warm milk on the stove. Yet only a minute later the woman returned carrying a tray with two steaming mugs and a plate of cheese and crackers. Haruhi inwardly shook her head, realizing she should have known better. Of course the woman would be able to bring back warm milk that fast. She was rich. She probably had some sort of fancy appliance to do everything for her in the blink of an eye.

The woman set everything on the bar and took her seat on the stool next to Haruhi. As the two sipped from their mugs, she asked, "Can't sleep?"

"No," Haruhi replied. She slumped tiredly. "I was able to sleep for a little bit, but then I woke up and I can't fall back asleep. I wish I had my sleeping pills with me. I'm hoping warm milk will help." Suddenly her eyes widened a bit and she said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm being rude, aren't I? I haven't introduced myself. I'm Haruhi Fujioka. I'm a friend of Kyoya's." She gave the woman a little bow.

The woman returned the bow and said, "I'm Kyoya's sister, Fuyumi Shido." With a warm smile, she added, "I've heard so much about you. It's good to finally meet you."

Haruhi's eyebrows went up in surprise. "Kyoya told you about me?" she asked.

Fuyumi gave a small laugh and replied, "No, not him. Tamaki. He talks about you all the time."

"So you and Tamaki are friends?" Haruhi asked as she spread some cheese on a cracker.

"Yes. He's such a wonderful boy. He loves commoner food just as much as I do, and we eat at commoner restaurants a lot. I wish Kyoya would come along, but he's not much into things like that," Fuyumi said affectionately.

Haruhi nodded in understanding. She took a bite of a cheese-covered cracker and ended up dropping half of it down the neck of her nightgown. "Whoops," she said, reaching her hand inside it to brush at the crumbs. Suddenly she felt gawky and awkward. She had learned a little refinement from being a host at her prestigious high school, yet all that refinement went out the window now that she was tired.

If Fuyumi noticed Haruhi's lack of grace she didn't show it. Instead, she looked Haruhi up and down and said with a pleased smile, "I'm glad to see you wearing my old nightgown. I can't fit into it anymore, and it looks very becoming on you."

Haruhi blushed a little and said, "Thank you. I found it on the guest bed when I came out of the bath."

"Yes. When my mother informed me you were spending the night, I set it out for you, along with the robe and slippers," Fuyumi explained. Then she paused and looked down. "I know you would probably rather have thick wool pajama pants and a long-sleeved, high neck, thick wool pajama top, but I'm afraid I didn't have any here. I'm sorry. I should have sent a servant to my house to get you some. I still can if you like. They might be a bit big for you, though . . ." she trailed off and reached for her glass of wine, but visibly forced herself to stop and take a sip from her mug of milk instead.

"No, that's alright. It's not cold in my room. This nightgown is warm enough," Haruhi said, her voice hinting at her confusion over why Fuyumi would offer such thick sleepwear in this warm weather.

"Uh, no . . . I mean . . . it's not the warmth . . . I just thought that you'd . . . you know . . . want to be more covered up," Fuyumi said haltingly. Then she said, in the rapid cadence of someone who wants to change the subject as quickly as possible, "So I hear you're a scholarship student at Ouran. How do you like it there?"

Haruhi had never met Fuyumi before, but she was surprised that anyone related to Kyoya would be so easily flustered. She glanced at the wine bottle and wondered if the alcohol was making her that way. More likely, Haruhi thought, it was both the alcohol and the _reason_ behind the alcohol that made Fuyumi so out of countenance, whatever that reason was. Haruhi once again felt bad for walking in on Fuyumi, despite the woman's hospitality. She began to think of a way to make a graceful exit.

Fortunately, after a minute or two Fuyumi seemed to recover from whatever had discombobulated her and became a charming hostess, making Haruhi feel at ease. The two of them sat at the bar chatting, and Haruhi found she liked Fuyumi very much. She had many of the same qualities as both Kyoya and Tamaki, as well as a sense of sophistication, wisdom, and maturity that no teenager could ever achieve. Even so, Haruhi noticed that Fuyumi seemed distracted. Several times she looked as if she wanted to say something, but then changed her mind. Haruhi didn't want to push, so she talked about Kyoya and Tamaki, her dad and the host club, and what it was like being a commoner at a school for the rich. She listened as Fuyumi talked about her life, how she missed her husband who was on a business trip to Canada, and how she loved to visit with her mother and brothers. Haruhi noticed Fuyumi didn't include her father in that list, but again, she didn't want to pry.

Eventually, Haruhi stood up and bid Fuyumi goodnight, then picked up her now-empty mug to bring to the kitchen. As she reached the door, however, Fuyumi practically jumped out of her chair and burst out, "Me, too, Haruhi! Me too!"

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	20. Chapter 20

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Haruhi looked at Fuyumi in surprise. Fuyumi blushed and looked down, then said in a much softer voice, "I was raped, too."

"Oh, Fuyumi, I- I'm so sorry," Haruhi said. She sat down slowly, not really knowing what to say.

Fuyumi remained standing, still looking down at the floor. "I- I don't know, I mean, I-" she stammered, then took a deep breath, apparently collecting her thoughts. She sat down again and looked up at Haruhi, then quickly down at her mug. "I don't know if you want me to talk about it. I mean, I know you have your own problems and I don't want to add my own, but I've never really talked about it. Except once. I only know one other person who's been through it - my grandmother - and she's dead now." She looked at Haruhi and said quickly, "Like I said, if you don't want to talk about it, I understand. I know you probably didn't want me to know what happened to you, or anyone else for that matter. I'm sorry. It's late and I shouldn't keep you up. You've had a hard day, and-"

"It's ok," Haruhi assured her. She remembered her dream and was suddenly certain that Fuyumi was who her mother meant. "You can talk about it. It really helped me to talk to the host club. I want to help you, too."

"You talked to the host club about it? The entire club, not just Kyoya and Tamaki?" Fuyumi asked, clearly startled.

"Yeah," Haruhi confirmed. "I didn't want them to know, but they all found out anyway. It was humiliating at first, but then they talked to me about it, let me open up to them. They were all really nice and comforting, and I realized I should have had more faith in them to begin with."

"Wow," Fuyumi breathed. "That's really amazing, Haruhi. I was so surprised the boys could handle something like that. Teenage boys aren't usually that mature and understanding. Teenage girls, either. You're incredibly lucky to have friends like that."

Haruhi smiled. "I am," she agreed fervently.

Fuyumi looked back down at her empty mug, and then to her half-full wine glass. "I never had anyone like that. I was attending Ouran University when . . . when it happened. All my friends were all pretty superficial. I didn't want anyone to know, but word got around. The guys who did it-" she stopped and choked up.

"Guys? Plural?" Haruhi asked, horrified.

"Yeah," Fuyumi said softly. She tried to speak again, but she was still too choked up. She grabbed the wine and drank all that was left in the glass almost violently. Throat cleared, she said, "I'm sorry, Haruhi. It's very painful to talk about it. It's painful to remember it. It's been five years, but-" she paused, her eyes brimming with tears. "It won't go away. The pain. I try to forget it, to move on, but it's always there, in the back of my mind, bubbling up to the surface sometimes . . . I'm not an alcoholic, I swear, but sometimes alcohol is the only thing that gets me through."

Haruhi's mouth hung open in sympathy - and horror. Horror both at what Fuyumi was going through and at the implications for her own future. _Is that what I'm going to be like in five years?_ she wondered, feeling a little sick. "It's ok," she said out loud. "I understand. My dad was the same way for years after my mom died. It was only the last couple years that he stopped. I'm glad he stopped. It's not really the best way to cope."

"Yeah," Fuyumi agreed with a slight hiccup. "I know it's not, but I can't really function any other way. I can't go to bed without it. Not to sleep, and definitely not when my husband wants to-"

"I understand," Haruhi said quickly. She didn't really want to talk about Fuyumi's intimate relations; it was too embarrassing a topic. ' _Wait_ ,' she thought, ' _am I going to be like that when I get married?'_ She remembered how she felt at the doctor's office, knowing the gynecologist was going to touch her _down there_. Was that what it was going to like whenever anyone wanted to touch her like that? Would she have to get drunk in order to be intimate with her husband? The thought made her want to cry.

Tentatively, Haruhi asked, "Does he know? Your husband, does he know what happened to you? Does he understand why you need to . . .?" She left the words unsaid.

Fuyumi shook her head. "No. I never told him, and he never heard the gossip. That's why my dad chose him for me in the first place. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband very much. It was an arranged marriage, but we're very happy together. I just can't tell him. I'm ruined for him. I don't want him to know that. I don't want him to look at me and know how . . . _spoiled_ I am. Like a rotten egg or something."

"Or a broken vase," Haruhi murmured.

Fuyumi looked up at her sharply. "Right, a broken vase. I saw the boys talking to you about it. About the _kintsugi_ vase. Do you think they're right? Do you think you'll be whole again? Cracked, but still ok? Still . . . beautiful, I guess? Having worth?"

"Yes!" Haruhi said fervently. "Yes, I do. And you, too, Fuyumi. You're a wonderful person. Those guys didn't change that." She smiled, remembering Hunny's words. "Nothing anyone ever does to you will change that."

Fuyumi started crying. Haruhi felt awkward. She may not be as clueless as Kyoya as how to handle other people's emotions, but she wasn't exactly good at it, either. _Tamaki would know how to handle this._ The thought surprised her. Kyoya was right, Tamaki, really was incredible at knowing how to help others. How had Haruhi not seen that about him before? Oh, right. Because he was usually a buffoon.

Taking her cue from him, Haruhi engulfed Fuyumi in her arms and let her cry. A part of her wanted to cry, too. She had never been much for using tears as an emotional outlet - not since she was a child coping with her mom's recent passing - but with everything that happened tears seemed to come frequently now. Even so, she was able to hold back her own darkness while helping Fuyumi through hers by thinking about how much Tamaki had helped her. That led her to thinking about the other members of the host club, and how incredible they had been. Fuyumi was right, Haruhi really was lucky to have friends like that.

She looked at the woman in her arms. Fuyumi obviously wasn't as lucky as she was. Her friendships were clearly not as strong as Haruhi's own, and she was too embarrassed to talk to her husband about something this deep. Haruhi wondered what that must that be like, being married to someone you didn't feel you could confide in? It seemed like a horrible fate. Was it because their marriage had been arranged? Possibly, but unlikely. Arranged marriage or not, Fuyumi said she and her husband were in love. Then why couldn't she confide in him?

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Fuyumi said, and Haruhi noticed that her words were starting to slur. The wine was starting to get to her. Fuyumi took a tissue out of the box on the other side of the bar and wiped her face, then continued, "I hardly know you. But I feel I can trust you since you've been through what I've been through."

"Yeah," Haruhi said, and suddenly the broken vase feeling started in her chest and tears threatened to form in her eyes. She focused as hard as she could on Fuyumi. "I mean, I was . . ." she paused, and had to force the word out, "raped, but just by one guy. You said you were attacked by more than one. I can't imagine what that must have been like."

The second Haruhi said it she knew it had been a mistake. Fuyumi's eyes welled with tears and she looked as if she was struggling not to cry again. Instead, she poured more wine into her glass and knocked it back like a shot of whiskey. Haruhi wondered how much of it she had drunk that night already.

Apparently it was more than enough, since Fuyumi put her head down on the table and fell asleep. Haruhi had a lot of experience with this, and she nudged Fuyumi awake enough to help her to her room. She put Fuyumi to bed, then went back to her own. As she drifted off to sleep, she wondered how many women - or men - she knew that had been through this and she wasn't even aware of it. It was a sobering thought.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Haruhi woke the next day to see sunshine filling the room. 'How late is it?' she wondered, then looked at the clock. It was 10:00 am! Haruhi jumped out of bed and saw her suitcase on the floor nearby. She ran to it and opened it, in a hurry to get dressed and get to school as fast as she could. _'How could they have let me sleep so late?'_ she wondered angrily. Yes, she had forgotten to set her alarm clock last night with everything else going on, but her friends should have woken her up regardless.

She dug through her suitcase and found a t-shirt and shorts, but no school uniform. 'Dammit!' she exclaimed out loud. Her dad must have been more drunk than she thought to forget to include her uniform. She would have thought Kyoya's mom would have reminded him, but apparently not.

Just then, there was a knock at the door. "Haruhi?" Fuyumi's voice asked. "Are you awake? I thought I heard you say something."

"Yeah," replied Haruhi, getting up and answering the door. Fuyumi walked in and Haruhi gestured to the suitcase. "My dad forgot to pack my school uniform! I've already missed half the day, and now I have no uniform!" she said, frustrated. "I don't suppose there's an extra one around here I could wear? I'd settle for one of Kyoya's even though it'd be too big. If you think he wouldn't mind, that is."

"Calm down, Haruhi. Don't worry about school," Fuyumi said reassuringly. "My mother and I knew how distressed you were last night and that you didn't sleep much, so we asked your father to call you in sick. You can spend the day resting."

Haruhi's face turned angry. "How could you do that?" she demanded. "I don't want to rest, I want to go to school! What's going on in my personal life doesn't mean I want to skip classes and stop learning. How am I supposed to become a lawyer if I don't?"

Fuyumi sat down on the bed and said soothingly, "Haruhi, missing one day won't keep you from becoming a lawyer. And Kyoya told you we'd pay for your schooling so you don't have to worry about losing your scholarship. Don't you see that you can't go on like nothing has happened?"

"Maybe, maybe not, but I can try! I want to try! And you guys aren't letting me! Shouldn't it be my choice whether or not I go to school?!" Haruhi almost shouted.

A look of realization came over Fuyumi's face, then contrition. After a second she said, "You're right. I'm sorry, Haruhi. It should be your choice. You've already been shut out of making enough your own choices, and I know how that feels. I won't do it again."

Haruhi took a deep breath and calmed down. "It's ok. I still need a uniform. If I hurry, I can make it to some of my classes at least."

"Before you make that decision, you should know your father wanted you to try to see the doctor again. He's very worried about you. I've set up an appointment with my own doctor for you for 11:00. I can cancel it and take you to school if that's what you want, but your father really, really wanted you to go today. I can go with you, and they can make accommodations so it's not as scary."

Haruhi looked down, considering. She saw her father's face in her mind, worried and crying over her. If going to the doctor would alleviate some of his worry, she wanted to do it. Yet she also wanted to go to school, to salvage as much of her normal life as she could. "Can you reschedule the appointment for after school?" she asked.

Fuyumi shook her head. "I'm afraid not. The doctor is booked up today. She was only able to squeeze you in since she had a cancellation. And I'm not an Ohtori anymore. I don't have the authority to make the doctor stay late." Haruhi was about to ask if they could find a different doctor or if someone else in the family could make the doctor stay late, but before she could, Fuyumi asked, "Haruhi, don't you want to know if you're pregnant? Or if you have an STD or are injured in some way? I know after it happened to me, that's all I could think about. I saw a doctor as soon as I could. Though," she looked away and confessed, "it was very difficult. I needed a few drinks before I went, and the doctor was not pleased. She still did the exam anyway, which was really fortunate since it turned out I had some . . . problems." She looked up at Haruhi and said earnestly, "If I had waited to get medical care they would have been worse. I don't want that to happen to you. Please, Haruhi, just take one day off and come with me to the doctor. Your health is more important."

Haruhi didn't want to know what kind of problems Fuyumi had, but the list on the pamphlet went through her mind, and she suddenly felt scared she might have one of them. Her shoulder's slumped. "Alright," she relented. As soon as she said the word she felt sick. The thought of having something on that list was scary, but the thought of having spread her legs for someone, even a doctor, was terrifying. _'If only I could be a mermaid.'_ It was a ridiculous thought. Yet the idea of not having legs to spread, of no one having access to _down there_ , of not even having a _down there_ , was very appealing.

Haruhi didn't notice that she had her hands pressed to her stomach, but Fuyumi obviously did. "When I made the appointment, I asked the doctor to prescribe you some mild sedatives so you wouldn't be so scared, and had the pharmacy deliver them." She pulled a pill bottle out of her pocket and handed it to Haruhi. "And don't forget, I'll be there with you. It will be over soon, then you won't have to think about it anymore," she said gently.

"Unless I have some problems, too," Haruhi mumbled worriedly.

"Even then, it's better to know and get it treated as soon as possible," Fuyumi said.

Haruhi looked at the pills. They were different than the ones she used to sleep, which was to be expected. Taking a deep breath, she nodded and said, "Ok, I'll go. Just let me get dressed first."

"Certainly," Fuyumi said, rising. "There's a glass for water next to the restroom sink. When you're ready there's food downstairs. We have time for a little breakfast before we leave." She gave Haruhi a reassuring smile before she left.

Haruhi felt to sick to eat, but she took her prescription, got dressed, and went downstairs, praying to her mom for strength.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

 **A/n: I have no idea if doctor's offices are run the same way in Japan as they are here in the U.S., so I'm just going to write like they are.**

Haruhi managed to eat a little fruit for breakfast, then she followed Fuyumi to the Ohtori's massive garage. She shook her head as she saw about a dozen or so cars and limos, with spaces for more. She wondered if she'd ever get used to the wasteful extravagance these rich people took for granted.

She expected Fuyumi to lead her to a limo, but instead Fuyumi led her to a silver sedan. "You don't have a driver?" Haruhi asked as they climbed in.

"No," Fuyumi answered, putting on her seat belt and starting the car. "I thought you'd like to talk without being overheard by anyone. Most people forget that servants are there and have ears, or they think that dividers between passenger and driver compartments are sound-proof. They're not. They muffle the sound, but you'd be surprised how much actually gets through."

Haruhi cringed. She had indeed thought that those dividers were soundproof. Her friends certainly acted like they were. She remembered freaking out in the car right after the attack, and later when she went to the gynecologist. What must the Ohtoris' drivers think of her?!

As if reading her mind, Fuyumi said, "Don't worry, Haruhi servants are very discreet, and usually very understanding. They won't tell anyone or judge you. I just thought today it would be nice for it to be just us girls." She gave Haruhi a smile.

Haruhi smiled back, though she wasn't exactly mollified. Discreet or not, nonjudgmental or not, it was still humiliating to have drivers and servants know what happened to her.

They drove down the street, and after a minute Fuyumi asked, "So, how are you feeling? Did the prescription help?"

"Yeah, it did," answered Haruhi. "I still feel anxious, but not as bad as last time. It's like my mind is under a heavy blanket."

"That's a good way to put it," Fuyumi said thoughtfully. "I'm glad it's helping. I wish I had thought of it when I went to the gyno that time, but I didn't know they offered that kind of thing. I'm glad I know now, though. It's certainly helped me in subsequent visits."

Haruhi made a noise of acknowledgment. She hoped that she wouldn't need any subsequent visits, whether she had calming prescriptions or not.

The drive was a short one, and soon they were pulling into the parking lot. As Haruhi saw the office building, her anxiety rose. The drugs eased the fear but didn't erase it completely.

"Don't be afraid," Fuyumi told her as they walked up to the door. "I've known this doctor for years. She's like a sweet old grandmother. If you like, she'll give you a sticker and a lollipop after you're done!"

Despite her anxiety, Haruhi laughed. "Does she have one that tastes like fancy tuna?"

"If she doesn't, I'm sure I get can get one for you. My husband owns stock in a candy company, you know!" Fuyumi laughed in reply.

They walked up to the desk and the receptionist barely had time to give them a greeting before a woman in a white coat walked up, introduced herself as Dr. Sohma, and led them back to the exam room. Haruhi was surprised. No paperwork? No waiting in the waiting room? No nurse to take her vitals, then leaving her alone in the exam room before a doctor eventually came along? This visit was already a lot better than the last one had been.

Fuyumi was right, Dr. Sohma was like a sweet old grandmother. When they entered the exam room, she said, "Now dear, I heard you're nervous. You ever see the first Harry Potter movie? The part where Mrs. Weasley told Harry to go through the wall to platform 9 3/4 at a bit of a run if he was nervous? Well, it's the same here. Get changed and onto the exam table as quick as you can, and we'll get this whole thing done so fast the fear can't catch you! There's a medical gown on the table. I'll be back in sixty seconds!" With that, she was gone.

Haruhi's mouth hung open, and Fuyumi gave a light laugh. "Makes you feel a bit dizzy, doesn't she? Don't worry, she'll go over everything nice and slow after the scary part is over."

"Uh, ok," said Haruhi.

There was a curtain in the exam room and Fuyumi ducked onto the side between it and the door, giving Haruhi some privacy. "Better change quickly. She wasn't kidding when she said sixty seconds!" she called.

Haruhi didn't give herself a second to think about how much she hated those stupid medical gowns, she just got out of her clothes and into the awful thing as soon as she could, then hopped onto the exam table.

True to her word, Dr. Sohma was back and doing the exam before Haruhi's fear had a chance to overwhelm her. The doctor had a very comforting manner, and was very careful in keeping as much of Haruhi covered as she could so Haruhi wouldn't feel too exposed and vulnerable. Fuyumi stood by Haruhi's head and held her hand the whole time. The exam wasn't exactly pleasant, but between the two women and the sedatives, Haruhi was able to get through it all right.

When the exam was done and Haruhi was back in her own clothes, the three of them sat down and Dr. Sohma told them her findings. "Now dear, some of your tissues were torn and there's some scarring, but nothing serious. I'm afraid you have a bit of an infection, but some antibiotics will clear that up. There's no sign of any other disease, and you're not pregnant," she explained.

"Oh thank goodness!" Fuyumi said, letting out a breath.

"And I won't have any problems having kids in the future?" asked Haruhi.

Dr. Sohma shook her head and said, "No, this won't affect your ability to have children. It also won't affect your ability to have sexual relations in the future, though you will have to avoid it for time being."

"Oh, don't worry about that!" Haruhi said emphatically. She, too, let out a relieved breath and sat back in her chair. Tears welled up in her eyes and she found herself having to work not to cry. Her emotions were all over the place. She was relieved, of course, and grateful, but she was also sad. More than anything, though, she realized she was angry. She shouldn't have to be relieved! There shouldn't have been anything to worry about in the first place! She shouldn't have had to go through any of this! She did nothing wrong! Certainly nothing to make her deserve this. Damn bastard, doing this to her! She wasn't glad he was dead. That wasn't a fitting enough punishment. He deserved worse. Haruhi should have gotten to make sure he was brought justice. She should have gotten to punch him, to hurt him, to scream at him and let him know everything he did to her just so he could get a cheap thrill. She deserved to make him feel as humiliated and violated and worried and terrified and ashamed and guilty and all the horrible things she felt because of him! Knowing that she couldn't made her frustrated and furious as hell!

Tears of rage and relief and a whole mess of other emotions spilled down her cheeks. Fuyumi reached out to hug her, but Haruhi fended her off. If Fuyumi comforted her now, her emotions would be let loose and she didn't know what would happen. She didn't know if she would start sobbing or screaming or wreaking havoc on everything in sight. The sedatives had worn off and Haruhi missed them - missed them in the only corner of her mind that wasn't about to blow up if she didn't do something!

Haruhi stood up abruptly and bowed to the doctor. "Thank you, Dr. Sohma. You've helped me a lot. I hope you have a wonderful day," she said, then walked quickly out of the room and out of the office.

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	21. Chapter 21

**A/** **n: I decided not to give Mrs. Ohtori a first name, since I don't know about anyone else, but when I read other people's fanfics I get confused when they add names to characters in the canon. I'm always thinking 'who is this?' then I have to go back and reread the part that introduces them. It's distracting. Maybe that's just me, but either way, I want to make it as simple as possible. :)**

 **I'll come back and add more author's notes including review responses later. Right now I just want to get this chapter published! :)**

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Chapter 21

Fuyumi gave an apology to Dr. Sohma, but the woman waved it away. "I've seen more than one young woman in my office who was raped. It's never easy. Don't judge her," she told Fuyumi.

"Oh I don't," Fuyumi replied. She saw Dr. Sohma looking at her shrewdly, as if guessing Fuyumi had been raped herself. Or maybe that was Fuyumi's imagination. Either way, she changed the subject. "Haruhi's father wants her to get on birth control. Could you write her a prescription?"

Dr. Sohma's brow furrowed. "Normally I like to speak to the patient herself about birth control so she knows all her options and everything. But I can tell the young lady is through with doctors for today, and I doubt she'll want to come back anytime soon. Very well. I'll write a prescription and you can have her call me to discuss this further as soon as she's ready," she said.

Fuyumi listened as Dr. Sohma explained the instructions for Haruhi's birth control pills and antibiotics, and where to pick up the prescription, then thanked the doctor and left. As she walked into the parking lot, she saw Haruhi pacing around the car with suppressed rage. The young woman's fists were clenched, her face was red, and there were tears streaming down her cheeks. Fuyumi knew exactly what she was going through. For a minute she stood paralyzed, feeling the all-too-real remembered pain of her own trauma, but then pulled herself together. She couldn't focus on herself when Haruhi needed help.

Fuyumi walked up to the young woman, who stopped and looked up at the sky. She said, "I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to be rude to you or Dr. Sohma. I hope she wasn't offended."

Fuyumi shook her head and said reassuringly, "No, she wasn't offended. She's seen a lot of rape victims in her line of work, and she's very understanding."

"Victims," Haruhi said bitterly. "That's what he wanted me to be. That thug. That jerk!" The young woman's rage exploded. "I want to kick his face in!" she yelled, and kicked the nearest tire of the car. "I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!" she shouted as she kicked the tire again, and again, and again, working out her anger.

Fuyumi looked around and saw other people staring at Haruhi as if she was a raging lunatic. Not wanting a scene, she held up her hands in a calming gesture and said, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down, it's all right. It's all right."

Haruhi stopped and took several deep breaths to regain control of herself. She looked ashamed for her outburst. "I'm sorry, Fuyumi," she said, giving Fuyumi a bow. "Thank you for convincing me to come today. You're right, it is a relief to know I'm not pregnant or have a horrible disease or anything."

"Certainly," Fuyumi replied. "Dr. Sohma sent your prescription for the antibiotics to the pharmacy. Let's stop there and then get some lunch, ok?"

Haruhi nodded and took another deep breath. "Ok," she said, and they got into the car. As they pulled out of the parking lot Haruhi asked, "Did you do stuff like that after you were attacked?"

It took a second for Fuyumi to answer, as the memory surfaced from where she had tried to bury it. "Once. Well, once in public. I did it a lot when there was no one to hear me. But one time, a few months after the attack, I started screaming at one of my older brothers right outside a classroom at Ouran University. He told my father, and he was livid with me. He pulled me out of school and sent me to a convent in Spain, and told me not to come back until I could comport myself like a proper lady, not a common street-walker," she said.

Looking back, she couldn't remember which of her brothers it was or what he had done to make her lose her temper. She just knew that she had been behaving all her life as she had been trained to, not showing any sort of negative emotion or letting others see anything but a well-bred and charming young debutante. Yet the rage and pain and shame and all the emotions she had been feeling in the months since her rape couldn't be contained any longer and she snapped. She made a huge scene in front of every high-society university student and faculty member in the Human Development and Family Studies department and ended up paying dearly for it.

In her peripheral vision, she could Haruhi look at her, aghast. "That was harsh," she said. She was obviously referring to being exiled to Spain by her father, though Fuyumi felt that wasn't as bad a punishment as the vicious rumors that sprang up because of it.

Forgetting the gossip for the moment, Fuyumi replied, "My father can be one of the harshest people you've ever met, especially when it comes to upholding the family image." There was a mixture of sadness and pain in her voice.

"Does he know what happened to you?" Haruhi asked, tentatively.

Fuyumi's felt a lump form in her throat, but she swallowed and said in a dead voice, "The guys who did it spread the word that I was a whore who slept with all of them willingly and enjoyed it. My family was in marriage talks with one of them, and his father called it off when he heard about it. He said he didn't want a whore as a daughter-in-law," Fuyumi said, putting a sneer into that last sentence. "My father was more furious than I had ever seen him before. Furious with me that is, not the guy's father. I tried to tell him what happened, but he said it was my fault for going into the room with a bunch of guys in the first place. I think he would have hit me if my mother wasn't there to stop him."

Fuyumi remembered the confrontation vividly. She had seen her father hit her brothers before, but he never touched a woman as far as she knew. Yet as she tried to explain that it was the fault of the men who did it, not hers, that the man she was in marriage talks with and thus thought she could trust lured her into a secluded room during a society function at his family's mansion, that he didn't tell her his two friends were waiting inside, that the 'respectable' sons of some of Yoshio Ohtori's most respectable friends and business associates were in truth horrible raping monsters, his rage had exploded. He raised his hand to strike, but her mother grabbed it and forced him to calm himself. He still made Fuyumi apologize for 'slandering' the 'decent' young men and to promise never to accuse them of such a heinous act ever again to anyone.

Forcing the memory out of her mind, Fuyumi continued, "He wanted to send me to a convent - the same one he sent me to later when I yelled at my brother in public. He said I was to repent my whorish ways and become a nun. He only relented when he found out there were business executives who either hadn't heard the gossip or who were willing to have their sons marry me despite it." A disgrace to the family honor she may have been, but she was also profitable, and that's what really counted with him.

Haruhi just stared at her, shocked and horrified. "Oh my god, that's awful!" she whispered.

By that time they had reached the pharmacy drive-thru. Fuyumi checked herself in the large mirror on the visor, put on a sunny smile, and drove up to the window. As she had been trained to since childhood, she talked to the clerk in a cheerful voice, not showing the slightest hint of what she was feeling inside.

When they had the prescriptions and pulled away from the drive-thru, she let her mask fall away. She didn't cry as she wanted to, but instead spoke in a calm, almost dead voice. "It was awful," she agreed with Haruhi. "Everyone in our social circle thought I was a whore. I wasn't allowed to tell anyone I was raped, and I doubt they would have believed it anyway. No one blamed the men who did it or thought less of them for engaging in an orgy, willing or not. Apparently men are allowed to 'sow their wild oats'" she said, lifting one hand off the wheel to move her fingers in air quotes, "but for a woman to do that kind of thing makes her a dirty slut." She glanced over at Haruhi and gave her a sardonic smile. "Now you know why there's a host club at Ouran but no hostess club. No self-respecting high-society girl would want to put herself on that kind of display."

"But they're fine with being guests at a host club?" Haruhi asked.

"There's a difference," Fuyumi explained. "It's the boys who are drawing all that attention to themselves, like rock stars. The girls are just fans. You never see fans in the tabloids, unless they murder the rock stars or something. It's the same kind of thing with the host club guests. Besides, you've seen how the boys are. They can charm everyone they meet - high school girls, parents, faculty . . . everyone who initially disapproves of the host club members or their guests comes to change their mind in the end, especially with Kyoya involved. He's a wizard at getting people to feel the way he wants them to."

"Does Kyoya know . . . what happened to you?" Haruhi asked.

"No," Fuyumi replied. "He was young enough that he never heard the gossip, and no one in our family ever talked about it in his hearing. All he knows is that our father was mad at me for some reason. Considering our father gets mad a lot, he didn't question it."

Haruhi said, "I'm surprised he never heard about it. I've seen how good he is at ferreting out everyone's secrets."

Fuyumi shrugged. "He wasn't as good at it at the time. He's gotten better with experience. Fortunately for me, the gossip has long since died away," she said.

"And your mother? Your two older brothers? What did they say?" Haruhi asked.

Fuyumi said, "Akito and Yuichi never said anything about it. I know they heard the rumors, but I don't know what they thought of them. I was too consumed with my own pain and darkness to really pay attention to them at the time anyway. As for my mother . . . " She suddenly felt very tired. "My mother loves me, and she believed me when I told her I was raped, but she was always brought up to be a lady and to uphold the family image and family honor. She blamed me for going off alone with the man in the first place. She was never hostile about it, though. I don't think she really knew what to think or how to act, so she took me to the doctor, stopped my father from hitting me, and then tried to pretend the attack never happened."

They stopped at a red light and Fuyumi took the opportunity to look at Haruhi. She said, "Actually, her reaction to finding out what happened to you wasn't what I expected. It makes me think she regrets how she handled everything back then."

"What do you mean, her reaction?" asked Haruhi, frowning in confusion.

Fuyumi explained, "She went to see your father last night. To talk to him one parent to another. She claims she did it to apologize to him in person for our family's failure to protect you and to see to it herself that our family's obligation to you was met, but really I think she wants to help your father avoid making the same mistakes with you that she did with me. If she can help you guys, then it might absolve her of some of the harm she caused me. It's also possible she wants to commiserate with someone who is going through the same thing she went through. As far as I know, your father is the only other parent my mother knows who had a daughter get raped and who actually loves her and is torn up about it."

"Oh," Haruhi said as the light turned green again. "No wonder your mother was out so late last night." She paused and slumped in her seat. "My dad must feel awful about that. Some stranger coming in and seeing him drunk like that, knowing that he scared his daughter into running away in the middle of the night."

"Don't worry, my mother is very good with people. I'm sure if your father felt any embarrassment, my mother was able to put him at ease," Fuyumi said reassuringly. "Speaking of your father, you might want to let him know what the doctor said. I'm sure he's anxious to hear it." She saw a gas station and pulled into it, stopping next to a pump. "Here, I'll gas up the car while you call him, ok?"

"Ok, thanks," Haruhi replied.

Fuyumi got out of the car and started to pump the gas. She saw through the car window that Haruhi was talking on her cell phone. From the young woman's body language, it seemed she was trying to reassure her father that everything was all right but that he was having trouble believing that. Turning around to give Haruhi some privacy, Fuyumi took her own cell phone out of her pocket and dialed her mother.

"Fuyumi?" came the woman's voice on the other line.

"Yeah, Mother, it's me," Fuyumi confirmed. "Is this a bad time?"

"I can spare a few moments," her mother replied. "I had everything set up so my assistant could handle things while I was on vacation, but even so I have a lot of catch-up to do."

"A security guard's job is never done," said Fuyumi with a smile. It was a joke between them. Mrs. Ohtori wasn't actually a security guard. She was the Chief Security Officer at the Ohtori Group. It was one of the highest positions in the company and required a lot of work. She often had to put in 70- or 80-hour work weeks and was therefore not home much or involved in her children's' lives. Even her husband, who was CEO of the Ohtori Group, often didn't work as much as she did. That made Fuyumi more than a little sad since it meant that the parent she and her brothers had more contact with was their callous and demanding father, not their kind and good-humored mother.

"True," Mrs. Ohtori sighed, not responding to Fuyumi's banter. "I assume you're calling about Miss Fujioka?"

"Yes," replied Fuyumi. She explained how Haruhi was upset about not being allowed to choose whether or not she skipped school this morning, but that she agreed to go to the gynecologist. Fuyumi didn't tell her mother the results of the doctor's exam and her mother didn't ask; they were both well-versed in patient confidentiality. "She's on the phone with her father now. I'm getting gas and then I'm going to take her to lunch," she finished.

"Good," said Mrs. Ohtori. "He's a good man, Mr. Fujioka. A wonderful father. Miss Fujioka is lucky to have him."

"Yeah, she is," Fuyumi said wistfully. Then she said, "Speaking of fathers . . ." She trailed off, not needing to say more.

"Your father is still in Indonesia. He's not due to be back until next week. Tuesday at the earliest," Mrs. Ohtori assured her.

"And he still doesn't know...?" once again Fuyumi trailed off.

"No. I convinced him to stay away from phones or devices when we were at the resort, so he couldn't have heard anything without me knowing about it. And he was on a plane when I finally did hear about it so I had time to take steps to make sure he stays in the dark. Your brothers, too, though I doubt that would be an issue anyway," Mrs. Ohtori said confidently.

"But how can you be sure Father won't find out? He finds out everybody's secrets?" asked Fuyumi, worriedly.

"Honey," Mrs. Ohtori chided her, "your father may be the best businessman on the planet to find out secrets, but that's because I'm his spymaster!" Fuyumi could imagine the smug look on her mother's face as she said it. "Believe me, I can make sure he doesn't know any more than he needs to know, particularly when it comes to Kyoya."

"Good," Fuyumi said, relieved. She saw Haruhi hang up the phone then lean back against the seat with her eyes closed. "I got to go, Mother. Thanks for everything," she said.

Mrs. Ohtori said, "Thank you, Fuyumi. I'm glad you get to spend time with Miss Fujioka. I think . . . " she paused. "I think it will be good for you."

Fuyumi raised her eyebrows in surprise. "You're probably right, Mother, but that's not something I'd expect you to say," she said.

"I . . . made a lot of mistakes, sweetie. With you. Back then. I'm sorry," Mrs. Ohtori apologized, sadness and sincerity in her voice.

Even though Fuyumi had suspected her mother regretted what she did five years ago, actually hearing her say it took her by surprise. Tears welled in the corners of her eyes and she said softly, "Thanks . . . Mom."

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